Feels like the very first time

Let me just begin this post by saying that I hope to God neither of my parents have or ever will find this post. Ok now that that has been said let me continue.

Everyone makes it seem like "the first time" aka losing your virginity is some wonderful, awe-inspiring experience that is hot and animalistic but romantic and passionate all at the same time; an act that when completed yields fireworks and seals a bond of unimaginable, ever-lasting love. In my humble opinion, that's a crock of crap.

I'll spare you the gruesome details but lets just say my first attempt at having sex resulted in stopping halfway through because it was so freakin painful and when I finally did go through with it it consisted of me squeezing my eyes shut and screaming inside my head "IT CAN'T HURT FOREVER, IT WILL GET BETTER, JUST GET THIS OVER WITH" Not the most positive of results I know but luckily for me the guy only lasted about 30 seconds and while it was great in the sense that it was nice to be close to someone that I loved and had been in a relationship with for quite a while this does not change the fact that it was one of the least satisfying and most awkward situations physically speaking.

All of that disgusting detail to say that today I had my second least satisfying experience. It was an absolute disaster. Let me just say that I hate condoms for many reasons that I will not get into here (mostly just personal reasons such as the idea that upon completion of sex the guy has a big, disgusting smelling, sack of seamen hanging from his penis etc.) but unfortunately for me my birth control prescription won't be in until next week and the doctor was being an ass so it was my only option. Anyways, whatever, you can do anything if you're passionate right?
Well I was passionate last night, I was passionate this morning but when he wanted it again this afternoon...not feeling so much passion.

Add to this the fact that the b.f. had some kind of big ass canker sore in his mouth so I refused to even kiss him, and the fact that oh my gosh I was just so disgusted by the whole idea of him thrusting some latex covered slithery member at me and one could say it was a recipe for disaster.

I won't describe it but lets just say that by the time we actually did anything he was done in 5 seconds. That's right one, two, three, four, five and bing bang boom FINISHED! I didn't even have time to blink let alone notice he had even done anything. Not to mention we had to stop halfway through for "adjustment issues"

It was one of those times when you are laying there and you realize what a truly weird act sex is; like it's just God's big colossal joke. That, and also just how much your body could be improved.

I cannot accurately portray in words just how awkward it truly was therefore I will not even attempt it; but suffice it to say that it took me back to that first time. Ahh the memories, may I never have to relive them again!

p.s. I totally don't blame the b.f. for this and he is usually pretty good

Beautiful girl

I haven't seen my favorite kid in the world (my boyfriends 18 month old cousin) for about a month and a half now and today she actually got his phone and called me and as soon as I answered said my name (she pronounced it "cocoa" which is even cuter). She could not do that before!!! I made her a blanket and gave it to her last time I saw her and my b.f. told me that she sleeps with it every night and whenever she sees it she asks "Cocoa?" What else could I ask for???? Hopefully when she's older I'll be the cool cousin she can talk to about anything because lets face it if I can simultaneously bond with her and tease her about calling me "cocoa" my life will be complete.

Top reasons I'm the worst roomate imaginable

Ok so I have failed thus far to mention the fact that I live in an Honors Dorm. You know for, like, smart people or something. Believe you me it is every bit as boring and mundane as it sounds. The most exciting "party" that has ever happened inside these walls is the night my roommate had 5 people over (all at once!!!!!!) to watch a movie, oh the craziness. There was no booze no sex and no drugs just infinite hours of movie watching that I missed because I was off getting wasted with my cousin (it just happened to be my 21st b-day). In the morning when I finally woke up and wondered how I even got back here the only remnants of the insane night before; you know the one full of movie watching and then more movie watching for good measure, was an empty pack of Oreo's and an empty Diet Coke bottle but I digress. Oh and my roommate the first year, no joke plastered the walls with pictures of Disney Princesses that she had actually traced and colored herself....yikes! There are perks to living here of course, our own bathroom, registering for classes first (no 7:30 a.m. or Friday classes for this girl!!!)and ummmm...well that's all I got for now but I'm sure there's more.

Anyways both of the roommates I have had since I have been here had the exact same strategy on move-out day, throw everything into their car as quickly as possible and literally race to their therapists office in hopes of curing the twitching that resulted from co-existing for two semesters with yours truly.

It is safe to say that I do not consider myself a typical "honors student". Yes I am smart and yes I prefer to do well in class but I'm not gonna kill myself to get there and it is not the focus of my entire life, in other words it's all good but the work, it will not turn me into a lifeless blob. So in the spirit of all of this dorm talk let me tell you why I feel people hate living with me.

Maybe its the 2 a.m. showers and blow drying that occur roughly four hours after my roommate has gone to bed

Or the times (more often than not) that I forget to turn my cellphone volume down at night. Consequently, I wake up with 5 missed calls that came in at completely ridiculous hours that I was lucky enough to sleep through but my roommate...she was not and I can tell by the death glares she is shooting me from across the room.

Perhaps its the way I manage to take up most all the space in the fridge leaving her a total of 1 square inch area in which to keep all her items.

Then there's also the clutter as noted in my post a few weeks ago

And the fact that I have a Brazilian boyfriend who really doesn't understand English all that well therefore I am constantly compelled to talk very loudly and have conversations along the lines of "NO I DIDN'T SAY DICK I SAID CLICK....ON THE COMPUTER....IN THAT MENU THAT SAYS PICTURES....IT'S RIGHT THERE YOU IDIOT...OH NEVERMIND JUST GO BACK TO BRAZIL AT LEAST YOU KNOW THE LANGUAGE....OK I LOVE YOU TOO BYE." (you know those fiery latin types, they don't take insults seriously, they have thick skin, they have to you know for when they swim to America lol) This occurs everyday many, many times and in a tone of voice that can be heard throughout an entire 4-block radius because if you just speak louder, LOUDER, he will suddenly understand.

But most of all its probably because I am an only child who has never had to share much of anything. More specifically the t.v. during prime time and if you want to take the remote during that time you will have to pry it out of my cold dead hands (which is a very real possibility given the selfishness with which I seem to live)

A post followed by a whole slew of random pictures

Recently my mom and I were talking about her friends and because most of them are gay/lesbian they have either adopted their children or had artificial insemination (is that the correct term to use?) Anyways this really got me to thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to know both of my biological parents and much of my extended family. If I didn't know my parents there is so much of myself I wouldn't be able to explain like...

why I drive holding the steering wheel in the middle with my pinkies on the outside (mom)

why I think that if i lick my finger I can pretty much use it to clean up any mess (mom)

why I have the most manly looking hands known to man (dad)

why my fourth toe on each foot is a bit crooked (dad)

why I get so attached to pets (mom and dad)

why I love shopping, wearing make-up and just general "girliness" (grandma anna)

why it makes perfect sense to "re-locate" ladybugs that are found inside during the winter (ie put them in a bowl with some fruit to chew on until the weather breaks) (mom)

why I have a mole on my left cheek (mom)

why everytime I see the movie Harold and Maude I promise to live my life more fully (mom)

why I find a way to make any situation funny (dad)

why I laugh at and occasionally even make corny jokes (dad)

why I'm inspired to set high goals and standards and work hard (mom and dad)

I suppose some of these things are things I would have learned regardless but I am immeasurably grateful that each time I catch myself doing something weird I can totally blame it on my family.

And since I was on break this week I couldn't transfer pictures so as promised by the title of this post following are enough random pictures of my life to bore you enough to make cleaning the lint trap in the dryer seem exciting.


RIP Finnigan (3-15-07)


One of the only times you'll see both my precious girls together (its only because they were locked in)


While most college students are partying hard on spring break, I was at home taking pictures of my mom who was psyched because our back yard has been declared a "wildlife habitat" Told you that lint trap would look good!


My foot because like I said I WAS BORED! Is the crooked fourth toe noticable?????



My cat Ruby sniffing the camera and making one hell of a funny face



Cute damn dog looking cocky


My mom, she kinda broke her rib and this is her at night "going to chair" because shes in too much pain to go to bed.



Cute damn dog lookin cute


Cute damn dog lookin serious


Proof positive that I can, in fact, trash anyplace that I go, the clutter just follows me.

And now the highlight of my spring break because I'm pathetic like that is this beauty...

Thats right, it's a new DVR of my very own. It smells of plastic and newness and everytime it records something I feel compelled to tell it "thank you" and then cry a little bit, silently, about the joy that is my own personal slice of heaven in the form of recorded television shows.

Perhaps a bit over explanatory (does that even make sense?)

Ok so I've been re-reading some stuff here, specifically when I talk about my life and my emotions and I realized that I am rambling way too much, I'm gearing this towards a hypothetical audience (I know at least one person reads this b/c they told me lol) and this is MY blog and MY thoughts and I don't owe any explanations so I will not feel the need to explain every detail of every sentence I type any longer. If you don't like what I say stop reading and even if you don't agree with what I say don't judge or make generalizations. I'm saying this now and it applies to all past present and future posts, feelings are tricky. I don't always know what I'm feeling or how to explain it, and my emotions are so fluid and changing constantly; just know that and enjoy!!!!!!

That being said I need to throw in some mom quotes for the week:

"Nicole if you were a fish you'd be mounted on somebodies wall."

"I would kiss you but I don't wanna make you hot"

"Doesn't that guy over there look like a ladder-stealer?"

Me: "Mom are you upset that I decided to save money and live at home next year?"
My mom: "Nicole it's not like you're a doper in the basement playing video games!"

p.s. I'm dying to post some pictures, any pictures but I won't be back at school until next week and thats where my cord is.

An original

While I was doing some much needed cleaning today I found something that I wrote in high-school. Not much, just something we were required to write and I hated it because it had to be insightful and involved the expressing of emotions to a faculty member who I had absolutely no interest in sharing them with. I also hated it because it was required to be dramatic and I had faced hurt in my life as everyone has, but I felt that my hurt was not valid, the small obstacles I had in my life were nothing compared to those of others and the last thing I wanted was for him to read it and say "oh great another over-dramatic teen-ager who thinks they know what pain is" but hell he asked for it and I hated it so much that what am I gonna do now???? Post it for the internet to see because it's a small piece of me and my emotion, just a random something and it's kinda grown on me. And it should be said there was no one certain event that inspired this it's just kinda random but it still has meaning for many different instances.

Too much and not enough at the same time.
Anger surged, electrifying me.
Stabbing, pulsating pain.
Wanting to run yet longing to stay.
Waiting...silence, utterly alone, running away from your problems

Sobbing, wishing, hoping, praying.
Watching life go on around me.
Wondering how things will result.
Thinking my life is over.

Stopping, calming, everything is okay.
I can handle this.
I am victorious.
Slowly the days get brighter.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.


Yeah it screams of dramatics but it applies to any type of depression we go through young or old so I like it and now I must go hunt down the asshole who gave me a C+ on it!!!!

Great lyrics

Awesome song to supplement my current state of being on an emotional rollercoaster about relationships

"Leave The Pieces"

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

Leave the pieces when you go
Oh, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

Love the one you're with

Well it seems as though the tone of this blog has been pretty light up until now and there are several reasons for this. I wanted to start this blog for myself, as a way to get my emotions and feelings out so that hopefully I can figure things out better but also just so that I have an outlet however, somehow I always find an excuse not to write about the deeper things in my life. I think it's because I am so scared of not expressing it correctly or having people judge me for my feelings but mostly just because I feel that I can not do my emotions justice. I feel things so deeply and strongly that when I write them out all I see are a bunch of incoherent run-on sentences and I just feel so disappointed, like I should be able to capture my feelings better so I have decided what a better way to improve then to practice! Now, I will only do this seldomly because I can't imagine anyone else wanting to read about someone elses petty stupid problems but I will do it, I promise myself I will because I need to!

Okay all that being said lets get on with it already, my latest situation is I love my boyfriend, I really do but...You know those relationships that you just know won't be forever no matter how much you may want them to be???? Yeah, its one of those. He is so sweet and a great guy but we just have different lifestyles and opinions and native languages for that matter. It seems to me that while he is a wonderful guy sometimes he tends to just take the easy way out and that frustrates me because I view hard work and intelligence very highly in a person that I will be in a relationship with. So I'm not quite sure what to do about the relationship, do I just enjoy it while it lasts or do I break it off and find someone else or do I just enjoy it until I find something else. I know that's cowardly, the whole staying with someone because you're afraid to be alone thing, but I'm not un-happy in the relationship I just know he's not my life partner ya know????

And to complicate matters; my boyfriend happens to have the most amazing cousin (who happens to live with him). He is fluent in english (unlike my boyfriend) and we have recently become really close friends. We talk most everyday about anything and everything and I enjoy his company very much. Just the other day we kinda began to come on to each other (me, in an innocent this can never happen but oh my gosh what if it does kinda way hahaha) so I decided to talk to him about "things" (more specifically my feelings) and he said that there are so many times when I was sleeping at his house that he just wanted to come jump in my bed and kick my boyfriend out. OKAY!!! as flattering as that is that is sex not feelings so I asked him how he actually feels and he proceeded to say "I couldn't date you because people would think shit but I could fuck you" AHHHHHHHH that is so inappropriate (even though I would give my left arm to be with him I'm not that type of girl). So my heart is broken times two because I realize my boyfriend is not gonna be forever and a guy that I really have an interest in would be indecent enough to sleep with me while I was still dating his cousin but could never have a relationship because people would "think shit" Makes no sense!!!!! Guys are so lucky, they can seperate sex from emotion. To me, I really like him so I could never just sleep with him without any type of emotion; to him I'm just some girl that he can sleep with whenever he's lonely gaaaahhhhhhh. I don't wanna paint this guy out to be totally indecent or myself to be a total idiot so just let me say that yes I like him very much but I do realize that's all it can ever be is a fantasy inside my own mind lol however it has helped me to realize some of the traits I need in a guy that I will be with longterm so maybe that's the purpose right??? God really teaches us so many lessons in life if we would only take our heads out of our asses and stop worrying long enough to benefit from them (wow I just realized I just used God and profanity in the same sentence, real nice)

So seeings as how this is MY blog and MY crush (I hate that word it sounds so juvenile how about we call it a fantasy since it cannot ever happen nor am i sure I would want it to lol) just allow me to indulge myself for a minute and mentally think of the good and bad qualities of both...................


And that just confirmed everything I said about how they're both not right but man is the not b.f. close too bad those "not so good" qualities are all deal breakers. Now just find me a guy like him without all the ass-hole qualities and I'll be set. I want the guy I can't live without, the one who appreciates me and sees me, with all my faults and shortcomings, and loves me just the same. The one who wants nothing more than a quiet night at home curled up on the couch, the one who will do anything to make me happy and the one who I can do all of those things and more for.

I don't want much do I?????

p.s. The not-boyfriend is a great guy and a great friend and I hope that's how it always is b/c i truly enjoy our conversations so lets look at it this way I have a close friend who occassionally comes onto me and I just hafta remember that I DO NOT DO THAT WITHOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP (so much easier said than done) and why do i keep thinking maybe someday???

Maybe there's a valid reason no one wants to live with me

My roomates side of the room....



My side....




* Notice the huge stack of dishes I haven't done in weeks, the takeout container, the pile of uneaten carrots. Other things to notice, the wreck that is my bed, my shoes thrown all over, my drawers hanging open, and just general chaos....I might wanna work on the housekeeping skills a bit but hey its just college, I have time for that later!!!!!

The one where me and my dad actually argue about "butch" hair

Now don't get me wrong, I love my dad to death, he is and always will be my best friend but it boggles my mind how two people so different can love each other so much. My dad is extreeeeeeeemely conservative in his religious beliefs and when we talk we often get into "discussions" about our various beliefs. Mind you, this man taught me the ropes of religion, he is the one I went to church with and he is the one who helped me with my Bible studies etc. When you're young you're sort of just learning the basics but when you're older you start to get into heated debates and touchy issues and as you can imagine my church as well as my father frowns upon homosexuality (quite difficult for a child who is being raised by a mother who happens to be homosexual) anyways blah blah blah a lot of confusion blah blah blah... Suffice it to say that I came out of all this with my own set of beliefs that is quite different from my dad's in many areas. Last night I figured I'd strike a chord if I told my dad I started to read Sylvia Brown's soul searching series (or whatever its called) and as soon as the words escaped my lips BINGO! DISCUSSION TIME Somehow last nights topic turned out to not be about Sylvia Brown and her theories but about homosexuality and I kid you not these words escaped the lips of my father, one of the (otherwise) smartest men I know.

Dad: "Nicole, have you ever seen a lesbian couple walking down the street? Why does one of them usually have butch hair??? Because one is trying to be the man!"

Me: "Dad what about straight people who have 'butch' hair? Or what if both of them have 'butch' hair?"

Dad: "Well straight people shouldn't have butch hair, there's a difference between butch and short. And if both of the lesbian's have 'butch' hair it means they're battling over who is the man!"

Blink...........Blink, Blink, Blink

It amazes me that he just asserts these things with so much certainty and he is convinced that he is 100% right. I asked him how he could back that up and his answer was that "it's just common sense" although there are verses about hair in the Bible nothing specifically mentioning this. WOW!

I am just floored sometimes by the way people, even the smartest of them, can be told things and they just continue to believe it because that's just "how it is" and never take the time to stop and think things through for themselves. Yes I grew up extreeemely religious and today I still consider myself religious (though I have slipped away quite a bit, I'm working on that though). However, I don't believe religion or God is about bringing people down, judging people, or acting like you're better than someone else just because of your beliefs. I believe that religion should be a personal challenge to better yourself each and every day.

And all that being said I should start my own church hahahaha anyways that's my message for the day, so there!!!! :)

The only thing of value in this post is the quote.

Okay today is one of "those" days. The ones where you just wanna crawl in a cave in hibernate. I'm so sad and so angry all at once and everything is on my nerves. You know what I mean? It's not really too different from other days but for some reason everything and everyone either totally pisses you off or finds some way to make you want to cry. Ahhh life is complicated but it's better than the alternative. Anyways it helps me if I vent about all my frustrations so here's a list (and if I'm complaining about someone, its not personal. I'm an equal opportunity bitcher :) )

1) The people who built this building for putting only one freaking internet port thingy in a room made for two people.

2) My roomate for using said port thingy because I have a laptop and I can just use wireless.

3) My damn wireless for flickering on and off all day and most of the night, thus forcing me to either strategically locate myself in a certain corner of the room when trying to be online or get online between the hours of 3 and 10 am which are usually the only times I can get a decent signal and just so happen to coincide perfectly with the hours I usually sleep.

4) My mother for sending me an email about illegal alien deportation and children getting ripped away from their parents (I cried for awhile over that one).

5) My boyfriend for being so damn loveable but so freakin "untraditional"

6) People for being so ridiculously ignorant, selfish, greedy, and stupid sometimes.

7) I'm just frustrated with complications and difficulties in general and i'm too tired and bored with my own thoughts to go on any further so that's all for now.

p.s. My moms quote of the day
"Did you know that they genetically proved that all humans originated from Africa. Ha, that means even grandpa has a little bro in him! And Nicole, do NOT write that down!" Do I or do I not have the most adorable mother ever???? You should be very jealous :)

Blah

Things that elicited a smile from me on this the first day of my menstrual cycle

1) Ben and Jerry and their new flavor "Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow" smiling out at me from behind the glass of the freezer door, shining an unparalleled light onto my bloated disgusting and exhausted body. I was so happy in fact, that I almost licked the door itself but then I decided on taking the dignified option and waiting till I got out to my car and shoving my face into the carton and it was totally worth the chocolate I got all over everything.

2) This kid running through the store and falling flat on his face and then his mom yelling "You shouldn't even have fell down!!! Get your self up before I whoop yo ass!"

3)Having the following conversation with my mom

Me: I don't wanna go to the store alone, it'll be dark by the time I'm finished...blah blah blah weepcakes

Mom: You'll be fine.

Me: Yeah but only because I'm too fat for anyone to try and take me. (Did i mention it's the first day of my period and my two main symptoms besides the blood pouring out of me are that I tend to be both completely over dramatic and disgustingly pessimistic)

Mom: Nicole, two weeks ago someone stole my prized 41 foot ladder* and scaffolding, if they can lift that, they can lift you.

Me: I am so writing that down.

*An aside: since this particular day 2 weeks ago everything has been somehow related back to my mom's prized ladder. "Mom I think I'm sick" "Well I sure hope the person who stole my ladder is sick" "Mom I need help with this" "Yeah but you know who needs help??? The person who stole my ladder." "Mom did you see that news story about the wild boar who ate 12 kids who were on a field trip at the zoo" "No but maybe that boar ate my ladder" etc. etc.

4) The thought of sinking in to bed at 8 o'clock with another carton of Ben and Jerry's and the Golden Girl's on TV.

Things that made me cry/yell/sob/slap myself etc.

1) Having to change into my "fat pants" halfway through the day (and that was before the Ben and Jerry's catastrophe. picture that if you will)

2) Trying to explain that there are two different versions of the word to, (too and to) to my adorable yet basically English illiterate boyfriend and that when he asks me how to say "go back to doing your homework" I'm not telling him to go back to doing his too motherfucker!!!!!!! because a) that's stupid and b) he doesn't go to school

3) Having some fuckwad in one of my classes actually ask a question or make some useless comment 20 times in a two and a half hour class (yes I counted meanwhile thinking holy mother of God shut up so we can get out of here!!!!) That is roughly 10 questions an hour ahhhhh

But that's all irrelevant cause in about 20 minutes I'll be sinking into bed with another container of Ben and Jerry's watching the Golden Girls on TV, ahh the joys and sorrows of being a woman.

Late afternoon rambling

Wow, two posts in one day I'm sure it will never happen again but whatever I'm at work with absolutely nothing to do (I'm a student assistant in an office which = homework time) so I thought what the hell may as well write here since I'll probably miss the next few days since I don't have much to do and will be totally unmotivated because I'll be at home for various family functions ok enough rambling and into the story of interest.

I've been friends with a certain person (we'll call her X) for many years now and she is the type of person who show absolutely no emotion and deems it a weakness to do so. X also has several issues with herself and thus because she cannot share them has a horrible tendency to take them out on all those around her. It was progressively getting worse and one time she actually walked around screaming at me and calling me a stupid slut...yeah great friend behavior I know. She later explained to me that she did that because I hurt her with my actions and she wanted to hurt me right back. Hmmm...or you could have just mentioned it to me and I would have stopped w/e my "actions" were and apologized but whatever. So it progressively got worse and worse, to the point where it was no fun being around her because a) (and she actually told me this so its not speculation) she didn't understand how I could be so happy with myself because I wasn't pretty* and neither was she and how could I even like myself the way i was (oh trust me it made for great shopping trips where she would literally stop talking to me half way through and for the rest of the day because I could fit into a pair of pants that she could not) and b) because I felt that she didn't give a shit about me based on her rudeness so after a while of things getting worse and worse a big falling out ensued during which we did not speak for about 4 or 5 months.

*Just an aside, while I will be the first to admit that I am not a beautiful person nor a skinny person, I feel that I am in fact quite average and am content with who I am*

Anyways long story long we got back in touch and from that day on everything went to hell in a handbasket because I somehow "betrayed her" (her words not mine)and blah blah blah and its two months later and i've apologized and tried to move on but about once a week i get a call slinging new accusations at me and wanting to "discuss" aka argue over things she is supposedly over. Everytime we agree to start over it goes good for a few minutes and then right back down the drain. So the other night after another 2 hour "talk" I finally just said I'm sorry I miss what we had but it's obvious we can't get along like we used to so I think we need to take a break" she wouldnt except it and kept talking for a looong time about how terrible i am, I finally just said I'm sorry and hung up but heres the point of all this

Am I wrong here???? Or is there a point where you know someone is just being vindictive and makes you feel so negative about yourself and your life that you just have to pull away? Am I a terrble person or am I just being realistic and protecting myself?

Obviously there's much more to the story but I could never get it all typed out but you get the picture.

If anyone reads this or any of my posts please comment with opinons or anything really and now that I've bored everyone to tears and disgusted you with my terrible late afternoon writing skills I'll wrap this up. Bye for now

20/20...not quite.

Ok so rewind about a week and a half ago, Monday February 19th was my 21st birthday-lots of drinking ensued and as I told my cousin repeatedly while I was puking my guts up "I made a fat mistake!" I have no desire to drink again (well binge drink), the only reason it was fun before is because it was illegal and made boring nights more fun but now I'm old (lol) and I will never binge drink again, spending nights with your head in the toilet is just not fun not to mention I am quite possibly the most annoying drunk EVER!!!! But I digress...back to the story.

By Friday the 23rd I sauntered over to the license bureau (because I'm nothing if not punctual) to get my new license and apparently I can't see worth crap. The nice lady told me "you have to get three out of five correct on this line so just keep guessing until you get three out of five" followed by "are you sure you don't have glasses?". Several minutes later I had guessed and walked out of there with my new and improved license. I'm glad she was reasonable about the whole thing because it's not like I can't see cars or recongnize stopsigns and such, it's just that reading street names might be a bit of trouble. So me, feeling guilty, and being the responsible citizen that I am made an appointment at the eye doctor which was this morning. Last night I googled 'intermittent blurred vision" and let me tell you biiiiig mistake! By midnight I was convinced I had 8 out of 20 diseases that poor vision is symptomatic of and I also came to the conclusion that I was going blind. (Yeah, have I mentioned I'm a bit of a worrier?) After a night of restless sleep I got up at 7 and made it to my appointment on time for the first time pretty much ever. I was just there a meer six months ago and I was "on the fence" of needing glasses. Today I leaped the fence by a good deal and got a prescription for glasses but wanted to wait for my mommy to help me pick them out (of course I didn't tell them that I just made some excuse about having to go to work and could I please come back later...wow im pathetic) anyways the verdict is I have a slight astigmatism and am nearsighted so I only have to wear the glasses when I need to see far away like in class, driving, and at the movies. Whew, glad that's over with I don't know what the heck I'll do if I ever have a real crisis.