Feels like the very first time

Let me just begin this post by saying that I hope to God neither of my parents have or ever will find this post. Ok now that that has been said let me continue.

Everyone makes it seem like "the first time" aka losing your virginity is some wonderful, awe-inspiring experience that is hot and animalistic but romantic and passionate all at the same time; an act that when completed yields fireworks and seals a bond of unimaginable, ever-lasting love. In my humble opinion, that's a crock of crap.

I'll spare you the gruesome details but lets just say my first attempt at having sex resulted in stopping halfway through because it was so freakin painful and when I finally did go through with it it consisted of me squeezing my eyes shut and screaming inside my head "IT CAN'T HURT FOREVER, IT WILL GET BETTER, JUST GET THIS OVER WITH" Not the most positive of results I know but luckily for me the guy only lasted about 30 seconds and while it was great in the sense that it was nice to be close to someone that I loved and had been in a relationship with for quite a while this does not change the fact that it was one of the least satisfying and most awkward situations physically speaking.

All of that disgusting detail to say that today I had my second least satisfying experience. It was an absolute disaster. Let me just say that I hate condoms for many reasons that I will not get into here (mostly just personal reasons such as the idea that upon completion of sex the guy has a big, disgusting smelling, sack of seamen hanging from his penis etc.) but unfortunately for me my birth control prescription won't be in until next week and the doctor was being an ass so it was my only option. Anyways, whatever, you can do anything if you're passionate right?
Well I was passionate last night, I was passionate this morning but when he wanted it again this afternoon...not feeling so much passion.

Add to this the fact that the b.f. had some kind of big ass canker sore in his mouth so I refused to even kiss him, and the fact that oh my gosh I was just so disgusted by the whole idea of him thrusting some latex covered slithery member at me and one could say it was a recipe for disaster.

I won't describe it but lets just say that by the time we actually did anything he was done in 5 seconds. That's right one, two, three, four, five and bing bang boom FINISHED! I didn't even have time to blink let alone notice he had even done anything. Not to mention we had to stop halfway through for "adjustment issues"

It was one of those times when you are laying there and you realize what a truly weird act sex is; like it's just God's big colossal joke. That, and also just how much your body could be improved.

I cannot accurately portray in words just how awkward it truly was therefore I will not even attempt it; but suffice it to say that it took me back to that first time. Ahh the memories, may I never have to relive them again!

p.s. I totally don't blame the b.f. for this and he is usually pretty good