Monday, January 28, 2008

Mai drawin skillz, let mi show u dem




What's that you ask? Well since its not such a good depiction of events I suppose I'll write the abbreviated story to go along with the above drawing. It goes a little something like this: Maggie got loose, rolled in something (presumably shit by the smell of her), and needed a bath. I called the place that rhymes with SmetSmart and made an appointment and in she went. 2 hours later I get the call that she's done and arrive to find a dog that smells like sunshine, rainbows, flowers, puppies, kittens, basically all things good in this world. I am happily ready to take my dog and leave until the groomer informs me that that black eye that she's sporting??? "THAT TERRIBLE DOG DID IT". I look around and unfortunately we are the only ones in there...oh crap. Next there was some babble babble about how Maggie is terrified of water and never in her 25 years of grooming has she seen a dog so terrified of water but then I'm forced to burst her bubble and tell her that this sparkly clean dog right here???? She goes to the lake and swims almost daily in the summer, she rides on our boat, she jumped off a boardwalk into water, and she has had several baths at this particular place before without incident thus diminishing any credibility that mean dog groomer had. Furthermore why the fuck was your face so close to my damn dog lady??? HUH? Were you trying to stare her in the eye?? So anyways I just kinda nodded my head and acted like I cared and then crept out. This combined with past questionable service has convinced me that I will not be returning to their establishment for bathing/grooming purposes but damn almighty will I miss the scent of that awesome shampoo!

Oh and in case you need a photo to remind you of what Maggie actually looks like in real life your wish is my command:

Very similar to the drawing no?

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Friday, January 25, 2008

How fitting is this?

At the exact moment my first loves wife was giving birth to his child I was starting my period.

p.s. another post will be forthcoming later today although I can't promise it will be any better :)

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Monday, January 14, 2008

Class of 2004: redifining pathetic

I'm about 45 minutes away from going to my first class of the spring semester, after that vacation is officially over :( bummer. Right now I'm at work not working but instead looking up people I graduated with on Myspace. The people I graduated with make me cringe. They have no goals other than getting drunk, smoking pot, and (for the girls) finding men to knock them up. Where is the ambition? Why don't these people want anything for themselves? I mean seriously for some of them the crowning achievement of their life would be getting on disability so they don't have to work. It is sad, there are so few of us who are making anything out of ourselves. Now I'll step down off my soapbox and get to class. Also, I cringe to think about how these people will look at our 10 year reunion.

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Friday, January 11, 2008

I'm on the beach (the south beach that is)

Oh man where did the holiday break go??? It's back to classes for me on Monday :( On a brighter note I have been doing phase one of the South Beach Diet (yes it now deserves proper capitalization) for 9 and a half days and upon last check (yesterday) have lost 11 lbs!!!! It was sooo hard at first but right as my fourteen days are drawing to a close I have started to get used to it. Hopefully this will lay a good foundation for a more balanced and healthy diet when phase one is over! Okay enough boring diet talk on to other stuff like ummmmmmmmmmm............. how my family was out to dinner on Sunday night and V said she didn't feel good and got up to go to the bathroom and halfway there vomited and passed out. I don't mean fell gracefully to the floor I mean face first straight down sprawled on the floor. She is absolutely never sick so this was an emergency. The people at the restaurant called 911 and they came; V was kinda in and out of consciousness but breathing and after an agonizing assessment the paramedics said that all her stats checked out and it was probably just sudden onset flu and that's "just how it hits these days." Well my mom has taken classes in the medical field and decided to take V to the brand new 24 hour emergency center/hospital that they had just built right behind the restaurant which coincidentally happens to also be the hospital that my mom works for(what luck huh?) Turns out they couldn't get blood because she was dehydrated so they're treating it like the flu but gave her some stuff for the stomach pain she said she'd been having and told her to make an appointment at the doctor. She made said appointment and guess what? It was not, in fact, sudden onset flu but more than likely her gall bladder (we'll find out for sure today or Monday) so now I can stop incessantly scrubbing everything that she has ever touched. I do not do well with anything medical (I am deathly afraid of hospitals, doctors offices, and anything to do with unwellness) but somehow I managed to not pass out right there with her and instead sit with my grandpa while my mom helped V and then drive her puke soaked pathetic looking self to the hospital. I am proud of me and uber (I once promised myself that I would never use that expression cause I hate it so much) glad that V is okay aside from some indigestion and a possible surgery looming in her future.

Oh yeah and that reminds me (though I'm not entirely sure why) I had the weirdest dreams last night, I dreamt that me and my cousins went to Sea World and got to feed snow peas to Shamu and friends and they went crazy and loved us and let us pet them and waved to us and did all their cute little whale-y tricks. Then my cousins ditched me and my mom and v came and I wanted to show them the wondrous snow pea tricks except there was a huge crowd and we couldn't break through. Then finally some employee thought that my mom was a zoologist and took me to the front of the line but not my mom so it was pointless. Weird huh?

Also I've had two dreams in the past month about someone trying to take my dog Maggie away from me. In the first one my mom is prying her from my death grip trying to take her to the pound and my face is buried in her hair and shes all tear and snot soaked because I'm crying and yelling hysterically and then in the next one some guy has Maggie lined up and he tells me that if he shoots her I can get a brand new dog and I feel a surge of excitement about the new dog but then I realize that he's going to fucking shoot Maggie so I run and push her out of the way and we leave; a girl and her dog. Then last night as I was talking to my mom she told me "Nicole, if something ever happens to V I will have to find a home for Maggie."

WHAT???? My family is not the type that ever part with pets (until they're dead of course) we're not the type to get a dog and decide hmmm she's just not working out lets find her a new home oh no no no we work through the problems and give all our adopted babies a forever home regardless of how disobedient they may be at times. So with that in mind my jaw hit the floor. I mean I know my mom doesn't have the time or the energy to exercise her the way she needs to be exercised (oh cheese and rice does she need to be exercised) but dude! no. never happening. So if my moms partner V kicks it I will be set to inherit one high-strung but amazing white german shepherd huskie mix. And thus, I believe, the reason for the dreams.

Sorry for the long mish-mash post and God bless you if you made it all the way through. And coming up in the next post: Why my dad uttered the words "Inter-racial dating will result in the utter destruction of society." (smacks forehead)

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Friday, January 4, 2008

A New Year = New Ramblings

So it's been like a million years since my last post. Not much to report, the holidays were lovely I got to spend time with my best friend and her family while they were visiting from Virginia and I got to spend lots of quality time with my family as well. For Christmas I got a few gift cards (I got the rest when I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving) and a new i-pod nano from the guy I've been seeing (is it too soon for that???? or do we just like to give good gifts because I totally got him a cell phone) But the greatest gift of all was from my bestest; it's called "Henry the talking gnome" and you press it's foot to record a saying and then press it's hand and it repeats it in a high-pitched gnome voice. There have been hours of entertainment had already. An added bonus is that it's really hard for someone to be mad at you when your voice is coming out of a stuffed gnome. And she also bought me a hardcover copy of the book Frog and Toad Together with an inscription about how much like them we are (tear) and she even read me the story where they bake the cookies and try really hard not to eat them all (so totally us) Oh how I love that girl! Also, I saw pictures of our vacation house online (I go on vacation with her and her family every summer to the Outer Banks) and all I can say is WOW!!! It sleeps 26, has a pool and hot tub, a game room, an elevator, an exercise room, annnnnd wait for it.......a theatre room with theatre seating and a movie projector; yesssssssss. I think it also said something about a poolside bar but I'm not sure so needless to say I am crazy excited for June to roll around. And because June will be rolling around so soon I have also started the South Beach Diet. For anyone out there who thinks it's a good idea, it's not. I mean yes the weight is coming off but for the first two weeks you cannot have carbs, fruit, alcohol (duh), or basically anything sweet and you are also limited on your dairy choices so suffice it to say I AM SOOO HUNGRY since I have no carbs to give me that full feeling and also as a side note I HATE VEGETABLES. Every time I think of the make-shift stir-fry my mom made for me last night a little bit of throw-up comes up. Anyways enough about that I can officially eat healthy carbs again in 7 days!!!! Whooo Hooo. That's about it for now but hopefully I'll upload some pictures in the near future.

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