Another heartfelt letter

This morning at 8:00 a.m. one of my dear friends from work was sworn in as an American citizen!!! She was so excited, walking around yesterday talking about how this is that last time we'll see her as a Brazilian because on Monday she'll officially be an American. So Congrats J!!!!!!

Now on to the regularly scheduled post.

Dear server at Bob Evans,

I know this letter is late and that it was a whole 15 days ago already that I had the pleasure of making your acquaintance but you were so thoroughly air-headed that I still feel all of this must be said.

Firstly my dear, on a 90 degree day you do not come take a drink order and then NOT BRING THE DRINKS. The only reason we got them half-way through the meal is because we flagged you down a THIRD TIME and asked for them A THIRD TIME, meanwhile following your movement to the drink machine with the evil eye to ensure follow through.

Next, when I order the turkey dinner with mashed potatoes usually the server would just put the same gravy that is on the meat on the potatoes but not you, oh no no no no. You asked me what kind of gravy I wanted on the potatoes and when I said "the same kind that's on the meat, which is turkey right?" You said, umm yeah but we don't have turkey gravy for potatoes you hafta pick either beef, chicken, or (get this) SAUSAGE GRAVY; as in the thick creamy kind you put over biscuits. I have a few problems with this. Number 1 if you have turkey gravy for the turkey how do you not have it for the potatoes?? Number 2 why would I want beef and turkey gravy or even turkey and chicken gravy together on the same plate? And number 3, and this is the biggy, why the hell would I want creamy sausage gravy on my potatoes???? However, dear internets, I did not mention any of that as we were a bit rushed and instead just said "umm okay I'll take the chicken gravy?".

And lastly, when you finally do bring us the appropriately gravied (is that even a word?) food and the beverages do not disappear not to be seen again with our bill for ten million years.

Thanks,

Nicole

Dear attendees of last Thursdays John Mayer concert,

As my cousin so adequately stated you are "real class acts", especially you barefoot woman in line to buy alcohol when you're already holding another glass of it in your hand and talking about how you always get messed up at concerts and then when the lady goes to hand you your huge beer that you asked 10 million questions about and held us all up for 20 minutes you suddenly decide you don't want it anymore and you simply WALK AWAY. You stumbled off into the sunset, bare feet stomping through puddles of sludge containing God only knows what. You are an ass, put on shoes and get a life.

Middle-aged lady two rows in front of me who is dragging her 10 year old son down with her, you are a fanatic. Newsflash people don't bring binoculars to these kinds of concerts and also, no one actually cries when John Mayer takes the stage. He's not Elvis or Frank Sinatra, he's just a chill guy singing some songs, yes his music is great and he is cute but for the love of all that is good stop crying and bobbing around in that weird way, I missed an entire song cause I was staring at you and laughing (and perhaps even taking a video clip to laugh at later).

Middle-aged couple directly in front of us, all I can say to you is PLEASE STOP GRINDING ON EACH OTHER, not only is this music not conducive to grinding but also it is thoroughly grossing me out.

Guy sitting next to me, when John Mayer comes out to do an encore please don't lean to my cousin and I and explain that you have to leave because you have to pick up your six year old. I don't care why you are leaving or even that you are leaving for that matter, just walk out and leave me alone. P.S. That's why I don't have kids right now; so I don't have to leave stuff to pick them up and feel obligated to explain myself to everyone within a five mile radius.

And finally oooold couple who stopped your car in the middle of the parking lot during the traffic jam to make out and pleasure one another EWWWWWW I think I got herpes just watching you, kindly get a room.

I would appreciate it greatly if all of you would heed my words and preferably never ever go out in public again kthxbai!

Coming soon-a letter to our airhead of a waitress at Bob Evans before the concert.

I suck at coming up with titles for this stuff

On Monday morning I woke up with tonsils the size of Texas and could hardly swallow. This has continued all week which caused me to actually schedule an appointment with the Dr. (which I never do) but it was more because I need my anti-anxiety/depression pills refilled than the whole pesky can't hardly swallow thing (see I know what's important!). So, hey, lucky me, I have strep throat. I can only hope I passed it on to that absolute dill-weed I went on a date with a couple weeks ago because that would be the bright spot of my week.

So what is so depressing? In my effort to share more, the main thing referred to here was the fact that I was dating an utterly wonderful guy (J), things were going brilliantly. It was unlike any relationship I had shared with someone before, nothing was forced or awkward, there was no tension we just "were". It was relaxed and refreshing and peaceful and wonderful all at once. When I was with him I felt complete and like I was at home (and trust me there is nothing I love more than my home so that is saying A LOT). Everything was great for months and months and then I had to go and jinx myself and write the post (which I have sinced removed) about life's unexpected moments and the next day POOF! everything sucks. He had to go home (he is from India originally) for 6 months to be with his family. We have been trying to contact one another but we keep missing. I swear everytime I listen to his voicemail it rips my heart out because half of me loves him and misses him and the other half of me wants to punch him in the gut. Anyways that's the long end short of it so I am half waiting to see what happens with him and half dating but the more dates I go on the more I miss him so we'll see...

Edited to add: You know what on second though I will repost the post about lifes little moments because I don't want to forget or ignore the wonderful moments in life. So please read it, it's a good one, its from sometime at the end of May/beginning of June or hey, I'll stop being lazy and link to it.

Loser at life: 22 years and counting

Gahhh I use this blog to vent more than anything, sorry you all have to experience my mood swings and read about my weirdness but here you go.

So I just started taking birth control two months ago and my dr. prescribed Loestrin 24FE (shout out to Loestrin!!! sorry u suck). The first month there was a bit of spotting in the middle of the month which, hey, its normal for the first month. This month I did not stop bleeding THE WHOLE MONTH (haaa I typed it "munth" at first) until, until I got to the f'ing placebo pills. This is not just "spotting" either it is like crampy, fills a-pad-a-day, bleeding. Sorry if that was TMI, I'm not real good at filtering myself. Anyways yesterday I looked up some info on the pill and it seems that a great many of the people who have been prescribed this had the same problem and say that their cycle never got regulated and eventually they switched. I'm thinking that that sounds pretty good right about now because I feel constantly bloated, my boobs have been non-stop sore, and I have been having some major mood swings ever since I started it. All this to say that all of the above symptoms require a call to the doctor's office. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to make phone calls to offices or anyone I don't know for that matter. I panic and get really self conscious so eventhough I'm bleeding my guts out (okay maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration) I'm hesitant to call the office. Okaaaay "hesitant" doesn't quite describe it-I'm a neurotic basket-case. I have this anxiety and I feel like every freaking task in the whole wide world is insurmountable because I have not yet called my Dr's office. So what do neurotic people with anxiety disorders do when they have to call the Dr.'s office????? They call their motherfucking MOM and have her write a motherfucking SCRIPT of what exactly to say. That is correct I drove my dear, dear, mother so crazy with the constant questioning about "well what do I say when I call" that eventually when I (not even close to) jokingly asked her to type me a script she did. Like a script for a play with the person who answers and what they say and then what I should say. I AM OFFICIALLY AN ABSOLUTE LOSER. That was last week and I finally ended up calling yesterday when I had one pill left (I might have hung up a few times before I actually followed through) and the lady was soooo wonderfully nice that I want to call her everyday just to chat. It was so simple: I called, she took notes, she got the Dr. to change my prescription and give me 3 months worth of samples and BOW! I was done. All of this disgusting blood and birth control talk just to ask: Whyyyyy must I suck so hard at life?????

p.s. thanks to Kate at Sort of grown up for the props in this post.

Do not read if a great deal of profanity and name calling offends you

Okay so I only have about 15 minutes left at work so this may be jumbled and rushed but I MUST rant.

Dear my best-friends ex-boyfriend/whatever the hell you were since you acted like you were with her but refused to even call her your girlfriend cause you're too fucking immature and a loser who will never amount to anything in life,

You are a motherfucking scumbag of a human being. You do not lead someone on for nearly 3 YEARS all the while dating around behind her back and waiting for someone else to come along. You are so mentally and psychologically immature that you are incapable of forming a relationship that even remotely constitutes normal human interactions. I met you once and you were a complete and total douche bag, dragging her to your room and leaving me alone in the fucking living room like you had something to prove. You and I both know you are an asshole but she didn't and I was hoping against hope that I was wrong, but I'm an extremely accurate judge of character most of the time and this time was no exception. You knew how she felt about you, she told you all the time, but instead of being a real man and admitting that you didn't have the same feelings you used her and then discarded her like trash. YOU ARE AN IMMATURE PATHETIC DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. I have listened to her cry, heard her analyze every syllable of every word you uttered, and received ecstatic voice mails because you sent a text that said something as basic as miss u. You lit up her life, and while I'm glad she didn't end up staying with you I am pissed that you proved me right. Grow the fuck up dick-wad.

Class of 2004: redifining pathetic

I'm about 45 minutes away from going to my first class of the spring semester, after that vacation is officially over :( bummer. Right now I'm at work not working but instead looking up people I graduated with on Myspace. The people I graduated with make me cringe. They have no goals other than getting drunk, smoking pot, and (for the girls) finding men to knock them up. Where is the ambition? Why don't these people want anything for themselves? I mean seriously for some of them the crowning achievement of their life would be getting on disability so they don't have to work. It is sad, there are so few of us who are making anything out of ourselves. Now I'll step down off my soapbox and get to class. Also, I cringe to think about how these people will look at our 10 year reunion.

All the cool kids are participating in NaBloPoMo so I had to too

I had the great idea to do a blog post about me (not that I'm egocentric or anything) just some random facts about myself and blah blah blah.

1) I am absolutely 100% not a morning person. I have no classes scheduled before 10:30 and sometimes I'm late to those ones.

2) I brush my teeth in the shower

3) I always buy books instead of getting them from the library because I never take them back and end up paying for them anyways so I just eliminate the middle man. Also, it just feels better owning a book, though I'm not entirely sure why.

4) I hate the way plastic containers smell after they have held food

5) I also hate the smell of freezer burn

6) I prefer the indoors to the outdoors most of the time

7) I think watching a movie at home is never the same as watching it in a theater (that being said I hardly ever go to the movies because it's so freakin expensive)

8) Sometimes when my dog is sleeping (she's white) and I'm bored I color patches of her hair with a marker just for fun (I know I'm terrible report me this instant!)

9) I loooove organizing and re-organizing stuff

10) Okay and lastly, (this one is really weird and gross) I always look at my nail clippings after I clip them. I have no idea why I do this but it fascinates me to see how long they were and basically I'm a nutcase lol


Oh and by the way I just joined NaBloPoMo. I know, I know, I'm always a day late and a dollar short but oh well better late than never

Just call me coffee messer upper

So as I've mentioned before I am gainfully employed as a student assistant in our library on campus (in the Dean's Office nonetheless, you should be in awe). I sit at a receptionists desk while the assistants and others in the office go out to lunch and just basically do light clerical duties and answer the phone if not when it rings. Anyways it's great because I have plenty of time to catch up on "studying" and by studying I really mean surfing the internet, blogging, checking myspace, clipping my nails etc. Everyone in the office is awesome and I get to be by myself with no other pesky students (Loooove it).

So now you're probably wondering where the hell you can sign up for a job such as this; sorry you can't because its MINE!!!! Anyways it's a great job but there is one thing that grates on my nerves at times. (Come on you knew there had to be one, no job is perfect) One of the upper staff members in our office who is very nice and loud and rambunctious like myself can be quite a bitch and disguise it (or sometimes not even try to disguise it) as a joke. For example I am the one she always asks to make coffee which is fine, cute even. We get to have daily interactions like "Hey Nicole you know what would make my meeting more bearable this afternoon??? Get brewin!" Oh you know, the low woman on the totem pole always makes the coffee cliche, great, got it. A couple weeks ago she walks in the office with a colleague and loudly announces "NICOLE I GOT YOU A PRESENT ITS IN THE COFFEE CAN, IT'S A NEW SCOOP" then she turns to the colleague and explains that I'm the one who makes the coffee (as if they couldn't have guessed). The colleague just chuckled and rolled her eyes.

Anyways fast forward to today she bellows in front of my coworker (whom I will call "coworker" for purposes of this blog) and I "NICOLE CAN YOU MAKE SOME FRESH COFFEE AND I DON'T CARE WHAT *COWORKER* SAYS USE FOUR ROUNDED SCOOPS" and then as if coworker had but up a fight she added "I'M THE ONE REQUESTING THE COFFEE SO I GET IT MY WAY!" Umm okay, right boss. So I make the stupid and insanely strong coffee and I think it's done but nooooo. I have been working here in excess of two years now and never once have I messed up the coffee but today I forgot to turn the burner on so that the coffee would stay warm after it was brewed. How did I realize I made such a mistake???? Simple I hear the bellower bellowing to a colleague "NICOLE MADE THE COFFEE BUT THE DO-DO DIDN'T TURN THE BURNER ON" and then again two minutes later to someone else who asked her if there was fresh coffee "YES BUT IT'S NOT VERY HOT" Dude I get it, I made a small mistake how about we stop being so passive aggressive and if you must mention it, mention it directly to me and then shut the fuck up and put your cup of coffee in the microwave (right next to the coffee pot) for 10 seconds, I mean it had just finished brewing how cold could it have gotten in the couple minutes it had been sitting there?

Again, I love my job but cripe is all that bellowing really necessary??? I think not.

Le Francais est tres difficile

I have a hilarious video from this weekend that will be forthcoming but right now my phone is being an idiot so I can't send it to my computer.
Anyways on to today's story. I am a psychology major as you may or may not know and because it is a bachelor of arts degree I am required to take 4 semesters of a foreign language; I chose French because I had taken it in high school. The first two semesters were a dream, I had a hilarious instructor who was actually from France and really knew how to help us grasp the language. Fast forward to this semester, my instructor is an absolute nightmare, she is rude and condescending and if she asks you a question and you answer the best you can (in french of course) but don't have anything else to say she just keeps waving her hand at you while rolling her eyes. She explains absolutely nothing in English including the grammar aspects such as tenses (there are a million of them) and definitions of vocabulary words. I am so stressed about that class that I have actually cried. So today we had to do a "causerie" where we were randomly paired with a classmate and randomly assigned one of three topics. While we were speaking the rest of the class was out in the hall. It was great being able to sit out there and worry and chat with all the other people who knew just as little as me (or so I thought). We had a lot of fun and made a lot of jokes but then I actually had to go in and participate and it was a nightmare. Sometimes I exaggerate and think that I did worse than I actually did but not today. By the time we were finished all my instructor could say (in front of my classmate) was: "you have very limited speaking skills" to which I replied "I know, it's very difficult for me to speak it because in previous semesters I wasn't required to do so to this degree but I assure you that I can understand it and write it decently" and once again she simply rolled her eyes. WHAT A BITCH. I mean seriously at least I'm trying (unlike half the people who simply skipped class), it's not my major and I will most likely never use it after I am finished with school. Don't get me wrong I enjoy studying it and I believe it is a great asset to learn many languages but when someone acts the way she does it just makes me self-conscious and makes me want to shut down and stop trying. I cannot wait until this semester is over, next semester I will most definitely take the class from a different instructor. Oh woe is me and my terrible life of academia lol

Sal-mon? Really?

Why are there people in this world who insist upon pronouncing the "l" in salmon? Let me just say that if you do this STOP because you look like a damn fool and people are laughing at you behind your back (yes I'm talking about you guy i heard in sears talking about a George Foreman grill that would be "just divine for cooking 'sal-mon'".

Water Guy, Revisited

Okay in this post I was relatively nice to you but now it's just getting old. So all I have to say is FUCK YOU Mr. Water Guy, doing water related repairs and then yelling on a bullhorn about things that have absolutely nothing to do with said repairs. I realize that it is 10 o'clock in the morning and you think the whole world should be awake but I, I am a college student therefore I am not! And let me just ask one more question does it really take you months to repair a leak in the pipe or are you just doing it out of spite???? I'm going with the latter until you prove to me otherwise (chocolates and ice cream and free soundproofing of my room would be a very good step in that direction).

The vest...I mean best...fashion advice I can give

It happened, I saw someone my age wearing a vest. A VEST! That is just a trend that should never be resurrected. Hell, if we're gonna wear vests now why don't we just break out the neon spandex pants and pair them with knee length sweaters too! I've said it before and I'll say it again: no one, but no one, should wear a vest (unless it's part of a work uniform, in which case you should seriously consider a new job)

The lengthy entry filled with multiple complaints (sorry)

I have been avoiding this blog like the plague. Scared to face my feelings, but I will, eventually. For now lets listen to me whine about the beginning of school shall we??? The first day of class I accidently slept through my first one but other than that things have been going well. The classes seem pretty straightforward and easy enough but French is gonna be a big hurdle. Anyways back to the class I missed Monday morning, I had it again this morning and I was determined to get there on time, get my syllabus and catch up on anything I had missed. I was on campus (and by campus I don't mean just pulling out of my driveway like I usually do) 30 freakin minutes before class was scheduled to start. For anyone who does not know me that is a miracle, I am usually at least 10 minutes late for everything. But damn it I was gonna make a good impression. So I roll into the parking lot thinking I'll have a leasurely stroll to class HAH. My first two days of class found me gloating to my mom that "not living on campus is no problem at all, I just pull into a parking lot and someone is always leaving, it's fine, parkings no biggy" (insert slap upside my head here) Today, the day I neeeeed to be on time there is not one spot on the entire campus. I went to every lot, deck, and grass field around and there were caravans of cars following pedestrians hoping to steal their parking spot. After and HOUR of this bullshit I finally parked illegally and hoped I didn't get a ticket. I was so fed up at this point I literally felt like vomiting. I looked like such a dumbass for missing the first day and then sauntering in roughly 40 minutes late to the second class. Cripe!!!! So I'm practically tripping over myself rushing to walk alllllll the way across campus and the entire fucking walkway to the building I need to go to is closed. Our campus is constructed in such an arbitrary manner that it is extremely difficult to get to the building in a different way but alas I prevailed and cut through the student union walked across the street past the athletic fields and up two flights of stairs. Come to find out everything was blocked off because of a bomb threat. You think I could have guessed it was something semi-serious when I saw the m.f'ing NEW CHOPPER circling over my head but I was all "woe is me, couldn't they repair the walkway during the 4 freakin months of summer vacation, gosh I hate these people, they have no common sense"
It seems as though all is okay though classes in that particular building the bomb threat was made for were canceled. Also my professor seems totally cool that I missed the first class and totally interupted the second one, and he should be cause I pay about a million dollars a semester to be there (Yes, I know that's not his fault)

Now with 10 times the water pressure

Not to be all bitchy or complain-y or whatnot but is it really entirely necessary to freakin use a jack-hammer at 8:00 a.m.??? Huh Mr. Water guy from the water company doing water related repairs??? Cripe! I am sooooo not a morning person and nothing usually wakes me up (including the smoke detector) but 45 minutes of jack-hammering on the asphalt right outside my house seemed to do the trick. I was not happy, I was the exact opposite of happy, I was pissed. Then Mr. Water guy, as if that wasn't bad enough please tell me why, whyyyyyyyy it was necessary to talk to someone who was standing 5 feet away from you ON A BULLHORN...about things that had nothing to do with water lines or the repairs thereof, but rather about your doctor's appointment later that day and "Ed could you please go with me because I need a ride home" etc. etc. You know if I hadn't gone to turn on the water this morning and had 10 times the normal water pressure I might have had to come out there and back you over with my car.

Okay I just wanted to make note of how weird it is that I actually dreamt a blogging related dream last night. The dream lasted like, literally, two seconds and all it consisted of was me finding a note written by my co-worker to my boss regarding me that had yesterday's date and read "Couldn't stop blogging". Totally random and weird especially since my co-worker is old and probably doesn't even know what a blog is.

On another completely random note, the weather here has been absolutely a-fucking-mazing; its been sunny and hot which is just the way I prefer weather to be. On Sunday I went to my dad's new camper (me, the queen of hating the outdoors and all things camp related) but it was okay because his campground is fairly civilized (as much as a campground can be) and has a very lovely swimming pool and even a movie theater. So I spent my day laying in the hot, hot, sun and wading into the pool every once in a while, all while reading this weeks edition of US Weekly (speaking of which holy crap Nicole Richie is pregnant!). I was watching Last Comic Standing last week and this girl pretty much summed up what I perceive to be the "camping experience". She said: "It's pretty much a bunch of people who don't live in trailer parks but like to vacation at one." Not saying that there's anything wrong with living in a trailer park because my dad totally does (he lives in one and vacations in one; double classy)its just not my cup of tea (camping, not living in a mobile home)

Well I was just thinking about what to title this post but blogger must have known that I got nothin because it won't let me type in a title. Hmmm we'll see how that pan's out.

Why even pursue a degree if I know I'll eventually revert to not being able to do something as simple as fill out a timecard?

Why oh why why why why why is it so hard for otherwise intelligent people to fill out time cards???? You see I work in an office at a library and we're kinda old school. We still fill out our time cards by hand, you know the ones where you write in the numbers and fill in the bubbles etcetera etcetera. And I, being the lucky girl that I am, get to check all these time cards on a bi-weekly basis....with my eyes, and correct them....with my hand and a pencil. What these people don't understand is that a computer (which eventually processes the time cards after being repeatedly reviewed by me)cannot generalize. A machine cannot interpret what you meant to write versus what you actually wrote nor can it finish filling in the bubbles for you if you "just get it started". These people have advanced degrees and they cannot write a few numbers and fill in the corresponding bubbles completely. It's a sad day folks. A sad and annoying day.

p.s. Do you ever write a whole post that is awesome and completely embodies all things good in the world and then you accidentally delete it and write a new one and publish it and then keep editing it because you want it to be the exact wording of the previous one except in the back of your mind you know the first one was a masterpiece and nothing will ever, I repeat ever, be the same again???? Not that I did that with this post or anything. I'm just sayin.

Post vacation ramblings

It's been way too long! Vacation was absolutely AMAZING but it went by so fast that I feel like I was never even there, that it was all just a dream. I spent a week sunbathing in the Outer Banks with my best friend and her family in an absolutely gorgeous house. I hate the week after vacation because I always miss S (my best friend) soooooo much, she lives in Virginia so I don't get to see her nearly as often as I need to. But I digress, I'm back to reality now.

The date went well and we kept in touch over vacation, hopefully we'll go out again sometime this week. He was quite a gentleman, opening doors, complimenting me, and if there would have been a chair to pull out at dinner I'm sure he would have. He's very attractive, very confident, and very well spoken so we'll see how it goes. He's a far cry from what I usually settle for which is good because the whole point is getting serious and no longer settling for second (or 50 millionth) best.

And finally I would just like to say a special and extremely sarcastic thank you to the catty bitchy and unloyal "friends" (also known as X and her sister) who feel it appropriate to only talk to their "friends" to get gossip about their life that they can spread around. And I especially thank you for not even trying to be discreet about it. Good luck at ever having any true relationships that aren't with your sisters losers.

Preach it sistah!!!!

Wanna know what I think?? I don't care if the answer is yes or no because this is my blog and I'm gonna say it anyway. I think it is ridiculous for girls to stay with men who treat them like crap just because they're scared of being alone. I am tired of seeing otherwise strong women constantly making excuses for themselves and a guy who has not even the slightest idea what respect is.

I realize it is difficult to end a relationship (I too at one point in my life was guilty of staying in a relationship for fear of being lonely, but then I turned 17) Get over it already and have enough respect for yourself to find a guy that is worthy of you. People treat you how you let them treat you and even if it's just "this one person" disrespecting you(which, chances are it's not) that is one person too many. Have enough respect for yourself to kindly step away from those who treat you badly. I'm not saying you need to turn all psycho feminist on their ass, just nicely end it because you deserve better and chances are you will not be alone forever but even if you are at least you won't be faced with a disappointing relationship in which you are constantly getting hurt and making excuses.

Oh and if a close friend gives you advice on a man and you don't want to hear it so you accuse her of being "jealous", that's pretty much as low as you can get so if you find yourself wanting to utter those words do it privately that way in a few months when your guy ditches you you'll have a lot less back-peddling to do. And just to clear things up all of the above is also true for guys: bottom line, if someone doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated then they're not worth your time.

On the verge of finals week

Am fucking swamped with school shit!
Hate it.
Wish I could learn without all the deadlines and mandatory shit.
Shouldn't procrastinate.
Oh well, can't teach an old dog new tricks

Nicole, the fraudulent writer

As I sit here trying to write the last 8 pages of my 10 page paper that is due TOMORROW I have come to the realization that I absolutely adore writing...but only on my terms. Give me a topic and a deadline and writers block takes up residence in my brain. I am constantly feeling like my words are all wrong and I'm not portraying what I wish I could be portraying. Basically, what it amounts to is that I'm an only child and therefore a perfectionist and I am so scared of failure that I will wait till the last minute to do an assignment because I don't want time to re-read or re-think it. Thus far the strategy has worked and I usually get great grades on anything that involves writing because though I may be a perfectionist I am also the Queen of b.s.-ing my way through stuff. But I'm worried that one day my luck will run out and the entire academic community will realize that I am nothing but a fraud and they will take back all the good grades they ever gave me. Yeah I know just shut up and write the freakin paper, if only it were that easy.