I'm baaaack

Okay so thank you for being patient with me while I sorted my shit out. I am feeling much, much, better and even have a hint of optimism. So, with that being said lets move on.

My computer has officially totally died and therefore the vacation pictures must wait a little bit longer.

Maggie is now attending doggie daycare three mornings a week (I never thought I would be one of "those people" but heck it sure beats coming home to see that your big loving beast got bored and decided to CHEW THE MOTHER F'ING WALL (true story))

My summer class starts next month already! :(

I met my best friend S's new b.f. while I was in Virginia and he is amazing and I just know he will be her husband some day, so excited for her! Finally, one that is worthy of her!

Oh and my cousin might be moving her wedding up, like waaay up and that means I have significantly less time to lose weight than I had originally planned. GAHHH!

And thats about all the updates I have for now because as they say: It's summer time and the livin's easy

Do not read if a great deal of profanity and name calling offends you

Okay so I only have about 15 minutes left at work so this may be jumbled and rushed but I MUST rant.

Dear my best-friends ex-boyfriend/whatever the hell you were since you acted like you were with her but refused to even call her your girlfriend cause you're too fucking immature and a loser who will never amount to anything in life,

You are a motherfucking scumbag of a human being. You do not lead someone on for nearly 3 YEARS all the while dating around behind her back and waiting for someone else to come along. You are so mentally and psychologically immature that you are incapable of forming a relationship that even remotely constitutes normal human interactions. I met you once and you were a complete and total douche bag, dragging her to your room and leaving me alone in the fucking living room like you had something to prove. You and I both know you are an asshole but she didn't and I was hoping against hope that I was wrong, but I'm an extremely accurate judge of character most of the time and this time was no exception. You knew how she felt about you, she told you all the time, but instead of being a real man and admitting that you didn't have the same feelings you used her and then discarded her like trash. YOU ARE AN IMMATURE PATHETIC DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. I have listened to her cry, heard her analyze every syllable of every word you uttered, and received ecstatic voice mails because you sent a text that said something as basic as miss u. You lit up her life, and while I'm glad she didn't end up staying with you I am pissed that you proved me right. Grow the fuck up dick-wad.

Leavin on a jet plane (read: my car)

So as of tomorrow afternoon I'm off to Virginia for a weekend with the B.F.F. It should be tons of fun, we have an appointment at the spa on Saturday and then Saturday night I'm her date to some formal dance. I'll be back Sunday night but probably too exhausted from all the fun to write, so have fun kids and behave!

Welcome baby Abby!!!

In all my drunken story telling I forgot to mention that my awesome friend C's niece just had a baby on Saturday morning at 3:08 a.m. She was 9 lbs 3oz 21 inches long and she is absolutely adorably perfect in every way. So cute, in fact, that my uterus is aching as we speak. Congrats!

young + drunk = stupidity and destruction

You know how when you're young there's this innate tendency to get drunk and do stupid (and quite possibly destructive) shit??? Well that's the story of my weekend, you'll laugh, you'll cry, this story will become a part of you. I like to call it "making an ass out of yourself in front of many people including the security guard in the mall parking lot at 3 a.m." and it goes a little something like this:

Friday morning I texted my friend on the way to class and only half jokingly said "I wanna get drunk and be someone" fast forward to that evening when she asks if I really do want to go get drunk and since I have nothing better to do then sit at home folding socks I reply with a "hell yes!" So shes at a dinner party for work but she says she'll call when she's finished so that we can hit the bar. I wait, and wait, and wait for the call to go pick her up and it doesn't come so with 15 minutes left before our favorite Mexican restaurant closes I sprint in and ask for a big daddy gold margarita on the rocks...to go (it's a mexican restaurant they do shit like that because they're crazy lol) I pick up my b.f. and he starts driving so that I can enjoy my huuuuge margarita which is in a styrofoam cup so I'm chugging away and I get the call from my friend. My b.f. drives to the place and I text her and tell her we're there. She doesnt come out for awhile and when she does she tells me she won a four piece luggage set in the raffle and needs help getting it to the car because she is already tres shitfaced. We go inside and forget all about the luggage and my boyfriend who is patiently waiting in the car and we start to bust a move on the dance floor (mind you I have no idea who these people are and I am waaaay underdressed) so finally the last song is played and after a brief talk with the old ass dj named "Larry" and me lecturing him about how he has a wife and needs to stop being so flirtatious we finally leave. Oh yeah somewhere in there I ran out to the car real quick and asked the b.f. to run next door and buy the strongest liquor he could find cause I needed to be DRUNK! So we get in the car and head to the bar across the street, before we go in I drink a little black cherry vodka out of the bottle and head in (still only slightly tipsy). At this point the last thing I remember is ordering some drinks and telling the bartender that he had "such nice, nice, teeth" LOL So we drink and talk and drink and talk. The b.f. leaves and the b.f. comes back and finally it's time to go home, this is where things get interesting. I remember being super hungry and begging to go to taco bell while cuddled up with my friend in the backseat and next thing you know we're there. I am screeeeeeaming our order to my boyfriend while we're still waiting in the drive through line "WE NEEEEEED FIVE CRUNCHY TACOS, FIVE CHALUPAS, AND OHHH OHHH WE NEEEEEEEED CINNAMON TWISTS" then my friend pipes up with "and a bean burrito" My b.f. said "NO CINNAMON TWISTS YOU GUYS ARE PISSING ME OFF" as if it were some kind of punishment lol Next thing I know we're smearing taco drippings all over each others chests and shirts and only getting about half of the five chalupas and five crunchy tacos in our mouths lol. Then for the rest of the ride I go blank again and the next thing I remember is my boyfriend pulling into the mall parking lot by Sears (about 5 minutes from his house) and saying something about how we need to sit here and calm down because we can't be yelling and acting like this when we get to his apartment because people are trying to sleep. So we keep acting like fools so he locks the doors takes the keys and walks away. In all actuality he probably just walked a few feet away and was still watching us but to us we were stranded in the middle of a frozen tundra and our survival depended on us trekking across the many parking lots, down the street and to my bf's apartment. So we actually make up a checklist before we get out of the car "phone? check. water? check. Shoes? Shit I gotta put em on etc. etc. Then we lock the doors, knowing that we can't get back in b/c we don't have the keys. It was a symbolic gesture that sealed our committment to walk to his apartment because "we don't need a damn guy, we're scavengers" (what can I say it sounded right at the time) We make it about 10 feet and my friend says she can't take walking in heals so she balances her foot on the bumper of a parked semi and I bend to unbuckle them and she gets them off after about five minutes. We then walk another 10 or so feet when we see the most glorious thing ever...a shopping cart!!!! I sprint to it and bring it back to my friend exclaiming that "This will save us!!! We can put all of our goods into this cart and if we get tired we can push one another!" It just so happens that she is already tired so I tell her to jump in. At this point my bf reappears and tries to get us to go back to the car but we link arms and start mumbling to one another about "just ignoring that traitor, he left two girls alone in a dark, shady parking lot at night, we don't need him" Unfortunately she can't climb up and get in the cart so I demonstrate for her by just climbing over the edge and sitting down inside and tell her to do the same (mind you she is in a very nice dinner dress) so she decides that she needs a boost and climbs on the cement block that is on the bottom of a light post and somehow (though I'm not entirely sure how) gets in but tells me to be very very careful and not tip her over. I told her I loved her and that I would never let that happen and during all this security has driven past about two or three times. I tell her to "act normal because we cannot get arrested tonight. So keeping with the theme of acting normal I decide that it would be a great idea to start fucking SPRINTING. Guess what happened, go ahead just guess????? No we did not get arrested. Yes the cart did tip over sending her flying onto her back and me rolling to the ground where the cart landed on top of me. She's crying halfheartedly and I throw the cart off of me and stand up real quick and dust myself off like nothing happened. At this point I the bf asks if we're okay and my friend yells "THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT US HERE NOW GO GET THE G*%DAMNED CAR!" As he's walking to the car I see security going in that direction but I'm tending to my friend so I pay no attention because honestly they just witnessed that whole thing and if they're not going to even confront us then they can go get whoever the hell else they want (even if it is my boyfriend) but alas a couple minutes later and he's there with the car. Getting to our respective places is a blur and the last thing I remember is trying to drink a sip of water and spilling it all over my face and the bf's bed. The next morning I awake with a chuckle and curiously ask the bf what happened with the security guard. Apparently he approached my bf and asked "Are they with you?" to which he replied "Unfortunately they are" and the security guy just laughed and drove off. I called my friend and we laughed about that until we almost cried. Then I spent the rest of the day answering calls from the people I drunk dialed asking how I was feeling lol Oh man what a trainwreck we were, normally when I drink i don't drink enough to get that out of control but it was just one of those nights where I knew I needed it and I knew I had someone to semi-take care of me. Unfortunately, however, when my friend fell in the parkinglot she must have gotten tar on her coat and suffice it to say my backseat is pretty much ruined. Anyone have any good remedies for getting tar and taco droppings out of upholstery? Ahh well whats one destroyed backseat for a night of drunken hilarity, the memories of which will make you laugh everytime you see an abandoned cart in a mall parking lot?

All I want for Christmas is my teeth falling out dreams to stop!

I'm such a slacker but I'm not starting yet another post with how I forgot to/why I didn't write (oops I guess I just did. Oh well.) Turkey Day was lovely if not slightly boring and the day after was spectacular though tiring as always. I started shopping at about 11:00 Thanksgiving night at an outlet mall near my house that was having some midnight madness sale. I didn't buy much there but I looove being out and about with the throngs of people and making memories with friends. This year I went with my friend C and her sister and niece, it was great. We were in line at Target by 4 a.m. and when they opened at six we shopped so quickly that we were out of there and at home in bed by 6:45, Score!!!!! I got a new digital camera, a video camera (you know what that means people, videos!!!! so now you can also hear my annoying voice along with reading my annoying writing) and a couple dvd's. Those were my Christmas presents from my mom so now I need to start shopping for other people! I bought some fabric and have been making some really cute pillowcases, think that would be a lame gift? At any rate I better get back to "work" now.
p.s. I had yet another tooth falling out dream except this time it wiggled first and then I just spit it out. It was my canine tooth but for some reason it was towards the back of my mouth and I distinctly remember thinking in my dream "maybe it's from all the stress my body has been under lately" Hmmm think my subconscious is telling me to shape up?

Plain strawbery ice cream anyone?

I never noticed until today how difficult it is to find plain strawberry ice cream. I, myself, am more of a chocolate type but today I was out and about and a friend asked me to pick up some strawberry ice cream. I believe his exact words were "If you come back with anything other than plain strawberry ice cream I will punch you." Fast forward to a couple hours later when I am cowering in fear in the ice cream aisle of Kroger because they simply do not have plain strawberry ice cream: neapolitan? check. strawberry swirl? check. strawberry cheesecake? check. But no plain strawberry, so I did what any intelligent person would do, I bought an entire gallon of cookies and cream which doesn't even have anything close to strawberry in it and hoped he wouldn't notice. Amazing how quickly men forget because I gave it to him and he immediately opened it up and dug in, thank goodness.

Career? That sounds all fancy-like. Do not want.

Today's lesson: Sometimes waiting until the last minute to do a paper really works and the bullshit flows like wine (albeit cheap wine from a box, possibly with a broken spout, but wine nonetheless.)

Oh and incidentally I will be starting my fourth year of college in a couple weeks, I cannot believe it. Because I changed my major a while ago I won't have my bachelors until December of 08 but sweet mother of humanity I have friends who are graduating,graduating. As in they will have careers not just jobs. My friends, people I associate with and suffered through high-school with will be professionals, followed shortly thereafter by me. Where does the time go?? It feels like I just started college and that I've been there forever all at the same time. I still don't feel like i graduated high-school and college graduation is fast approaching (not to worry it will be followed by several years of grad-school before I can begin my career, mother of pearl that sounds weird). The sunrise-sunset-ness of it all it just too much.

Breaking the silence

Ok so I'm back to my old talkative self and as my template says OMG There is sooooooo much to tell you. But I'll try and keep it simple for now.

First I told you I would tell you about the wedding I went to last weekend so here it goes. I went to my cousins wedding (details about the shower listed here) It was a loooong Catholic ceremony and the priest made way too many jokes throughout but anyways fast forward to the reception where I drank 7 vodka and cranberry juices and hardly got tipsy and also caught the bouquet!!!!! I have never caught the bouquet and I kept telling everyone today was my day (not because I want to get married but because I am extremely competitive lol) and it was. Unfortunately the guy who caught the garter was totally underwhelmed and possibly gay so I stayed as dignified as is possible when a stranger is sliding a garter ever so slowly closer to your personal space while everyone watches and the photographer snaps pictures. I didn't get any pictures but I might be able to link to them online. So that's the wedding story.

I also mentioned vacation pictures but the scanner's not hooked up so thats a no go.

Lastly, I will talk about my amazing weekend. This weekend my other half (aka my best friend Selena) was in town and we went to Cedar Point friday, shopping and hanging out Saturday and to the JOHN freakin MAYER concert on Sunday. He was amazing and adorable and I want to have his love child even though he does make those really weird faces when he sings. Hmmm you think he makes the same faces during sex because I might hafta wear a blindfold if that's the case.

Well that's the Cliffs Notes of the last week and I'm so glad I'm feeling more like writing again :)

Post vacation ramblings

It's been way too long! Vacation was absolutely AMAZING but it went by so fast that I feel like I was never even there, that it was all just a dream. I spent a week sunbathing in the Outer Banks with my best friend and her family in an absolutely gorgeous house. I hate the week after vacation because I always miss S (my best friend) soooooo much, she lives in Virginia so I don't get to see her nearly as often as I need to. But I digress, I'm back to reality now.

The date went well and we kept in touch over vacation, hopefully we'll go out again sometime this week. He was quite a gentleman, opening doors, complimenting me, and if there would have been a chair to pull out at dinner I'm sure he would have. He's very attractive, very confident, and very well spoken so we'll see how it goes. He's a far cry from what I usually settle for which is good because the whole point is getting serious and no longer settling for second (or 50 millionth) best.

And finally I would just like to say a special and extremely sarcastic thank you to the catty bitchy and unloyal "friends" (also known as X and her sister) who feel it appropriate to only talk to their "friends" to get gossip about their life that they can spread around. And I especially thank you for not even trying to be discreet about it. Good luck at ever having any true relationships that aren't with your sisters losers.

Blah,Blah,Blah, (Like the teacher in Peanuts)

This weekend was a big blur of getting ready for vacation and having creepy guys from e-harmony instant message me. Seriously, what is it about guys that makes them unable to keep their yaps shut about their penises for more than 30 minutes??? I don't even know these people, talk about freakin desperate (them not me). Anyways, leavin for vacation on Thursday, goin to Selena's for a few days then leaving for NC. Whoohooo a week of relaxing in the sun with my best friend and nothing to worry about except what to eat for dinner and when to reapply sunblock, that is how life is supposed to be :) Well I really want to write but I have nothing of substance to say so I'll do us all a favor and just shut up. Tchau!

p.s. Mom quote:

ME: So Mom, how was the new ACME?
HER: (long pause, thinking about it) It was like nothing was where anything ever was at any store I've ever been to...ever.

Well that cleared that right up, glad I asked.

I need to be more secure in my relationships

My absolute best friend S. and I have never really had a fight. It's easy for us because she lives in Virginia and I live here so when we're together we don't have time to annoy each other and/or fight. My ex-friend (refered to before on this blog as X) once told me I was a cop-out because it's much easier to have good friendships with people that you hardly ever see and that really pissed me off but what if thats true????

Tonight S. called me and we were talking and all of a sudden she got all X on my ass and right in the middle of the convo said "I'm done talking bye" and hung up. I am devastated because a)it's very rude b)we've never had a fight before and c) i hate having anyone mad at me d) it brings back terrible memories of X and e) I have no idea what happened to make her say that. A simple action like that just demonstrates complete disregard for someone else and it really hurts me.

It's times like these that I know why I only have a few close friends, it hurts me too much have people mad at me or to have them talk about me so I only get close to a few people and the others can say what they want but I try not to care. For that reason I need my close friends to be loyal and not induce petty fights/arguments so here's hoping this is the last and only disagreement between us (even though I have no idea what it's about at this point) and if it's not I might need to consider becoming a hermit.