young + drunk = stupidity and destruction

You know how when you're young there's this innate tendency to get drunk and do stupid (and quite possibly destructive) shit??? Well that's the story of my weekend, you'll laugh, you'll cry, this story will become a part of you. I like to call it "making an ass out of yourself in front of many people including the security guard in the mall parking lot at 3 a.m." and it goes a little something like this:

Friday morning I texted my friend on the way to class and only half jokingly said "I wanna get drunk and be someone" fast forward to that evening when she asks if I really do want to go get drunk and since I have nothing better to do then sit at home folding socks I reply with a "hell yes!" So shes at a dinner party for work but she says she'll call when she's finished so that we can hit the bar. I wait, and wait, and wait for the call to go pick her up and it doesn't come so with 15 minutes left before our favorite Mexican restaurant closes I sprint in and ask for a big daddy gold margarita on the rocks...to go (it's a mexican restaurant they do shit like that because they're crazy lol) I pick up my b.f. and he starts driving so that I can enjoy my huuuuge margarita which is in a styrofoam cup so I'm chugging away and I get the call from my friend. My b.f. drives to the place and I text her and tell her we're there. She doesnt come out for awhile and when she does she tells me she won a four piece luggage set in the raffle and needs help getting it to the car because she is already tres shitfaced. We go inside and forget all about the luggage and my boyfriend who is patiently waiting in the car and we start to bust a move on the dance floor (mind you I have no idea who these people are and I am waaaay underdressed) so finally the last song is played and after a brief talk with the old ass dj named "Larry" and me lecturing him about how he has a wife and needs to stop being so flirtatious we finally leave. Oh yeah somewhere in there I ran out to the car real quick and asked the b.f. to run next door and buy the strongest liquor he could find cause I needed to be DRUNK! So we get in the car and head to the bar across the street, before we go in I drink a little black cherry vodka out of the bottle and head in (still only slightly tipsy). At this point the last thing I remember is ordering some drinks and telling the bartender that he had "such nice, nice, teeth" LOL So we drink and talk and drink and talk. The b.f. leaves and the b.f. comes back and finally it's time to go home, this is where things get interesting. I remember being super hungry and begging to go to taco bell while cuddled up with my friend in the backseat and next thing you know we're there. I am screeeeeeaming our order to my boyfriend while we're still waiting in the drive through line "WE NEEEEEED FIVE CRUNCHY TACOS, FIVE CHALUPAS, AND OHHH OHHH WE NEEEEEEEED CINNAMON TWISTS" then my friend pipes up with "and a bean burrito" My b.f. said "NO CINNAMON TWISTS YOU GUYS ARE PISSING ME OFF" as if it were some kind of punishment lol Next thing I know we're smearing taco drippings all over each others chests and shirts and only getting about half of the five chalupas and five crunchy tacos in our mouths lol. Then for the rest of the ride I go blank again and the next thing I remember is my boyfriend pulling into the mall parking lot by Sears (about 5 minutes from his house) and saying something about how we need to sit here and calm down because we can't be yelling and acting like this when we get to his apartment because people are trying to sleep. So we keep acting like fools so he locks the doors takes the keys and walks away. In all actuality he probably just walked a few feet away and was still watching us but to us we were stranded in the middle of a frozen tundra and our survival depended on us trekking across the many parking lots, down the street and to my bf's apartment. So we actually make up a checklist before we get out of the car "phone? check. water? check. Shoes? Shit I gotta put em on etc. etc. Then we lock the doors, knowing that we can't get back in b/c we don't have the keys. It was a symbolic gesture that sealed our committment to walk to his apartment because "we don't need a damn guy, we're scavengers" (what can I say it sounded right at the time) We make it about 10 feet and my friend says she can't take walking in heals so she balances her foot on the bumper of a parked semi and I bend to unbuckle them and she gets them off after about five minutes. We then walk another 10 or so feet when we see the most glorious thing ever...a shopping cart!!!! I sprint to it and bring it back to my friend exclaiming that "This will save us!!! We can put all of our goods into this cart and if we get tired we can push one another!" It just so happens that she is already tired so I tell her to jump in. At this point my bf reappears and tries to get us to go back to the car but we link arms and start mumbling to one another about "just ignoring that traitor, he left two girls alone in a dark, shady parking lot at night, we don't need him" Unfortunately she can't climb up and get in the cart so I demonstrate for her by just climbing over the edge and sitting down inside and tell her to do the same (mind you she is in a very nice dinner dress) so she decides that she needs a boost and climbs on the cement block that is on the bottom of a light post and somehow (though I'm not entirely sure how) gets in but tells me to be very very careful and not tip her over. I told her I loved her and that I would never let that happen and during all this security has driven past about two or three times. I tell her to "act normal because we cannot get arrested tonight. So keeping with the theme of acting normal I decide that it would be a great idea to start fucking SPRINTING. Guess what happened, go ahead just guess????? No we did not get arrested. Yes the cart did tip over sending her flying onto her back and me rolling to the ground where the cart landed on top of me. She's crying halfheartedly and I throw the cart off of me and stand up real quick and dust myself off like nothing happened. At this point I the bf asks if we're okay and my friend yells "THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT US HERE NOW GO GET THE G*%DAMNED CAR!" As he's walking to the car I see security going in that direction but I'm tending to my friend so I pay no attention because honestly they just witnessed that whole thing and if they're not going to even confront us then they can go get whoever the hell else they want (even if it is my boyfriend) but alas a couple minutes later and he's there with the car. Getting to our respective places is a blur and the last thing I remember is trying to drink a sip of water and spilling it all over my face and the bf's bed. The next morning I awake with a chuckle and curiously ask the bf what happened with the security guard. Apparently he approached my bf and asked "Are they with you?" to which he replied "Unfortunately they are" and the security guy just laughed and drove off. I called my friend and we laughed about that until we almost cried. Then I spent the rest of the day answering calls from the people I drunk dialed asking how I was feeling lol Oh man what a trainwreck we were, normally when I drink i don't drink enough to get that out of control but it was just one of those nights where I knew I needed it and I knew I had someone to semi-take care of me. Unfortunately, however, when my friend fell in the parkinglot she must have gotten tar on her coat and suffice it to say my backseat is pretty much ruined. Anyone have any good remedies for getting tar and taco droppings out of upholstery? Ahh well whats one destroyed backseat for a night of drunken hilarity, the memories of which will make you laugh everytime you see an abandoned cart in a mall parking lot?