Leavin on a jet plane (read: my car)

So as of tomorrow afternoon I'm off to Virginia for a weekend with the B.F.F. It should be tons of fun, we have an appointment at the spa on Saturday and then Saturday night I'm her date to some formal dance. I'll be back Sunday night but probably too exhausted from all the fun to write, so have fun kids and behave!

I want a hippopotamus for anytime

So I don't think I have ever discussed my intense love of hippo's on this blog. Anyone who knows me at all in "real life" knows that the hippopotamus is my all time favorite animal and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was young and my grandparents used to take me and my cousins to the zoo we would always save the hippos for last or else I would stand there all freaking day long watching them wiggle their adorable ears and watching their ginormous nostrils suck in as they go under water for a nap. I also liked them because they were mysterious and oftentimes elusive. There was no guarantee that that hippo right there would come up out of the water long enough for you to even see it because they can hold their breath for like 20 years. There is a part of me today that just wants to run to the zoo everyday and watch those hippos because they're so damn cute but instead I settle for the occasional Discovery Channel special. My love of hippo's is so well known in fact that I have uploaded pictures of my birthday gifts from some of my closest friends (I think you'll notice a central theme).


Yes I realize that the above picture is a bit dark but you still get the picture. They are cards that were made by my best friend S. from Virginia and there are 22 of them (one for each year of my life) that say "I (heart) Hippos" Is that not awesome??????


A stuffed hippo from my friend C. (I must confess when I got it I made it's ears wiggle lol)




And this, my friends, takes the cake. It was a simple hippo bank from the dollar section, cute enough in and of itself but my friend C. is a creative freakin genius and she painted my name and some designs on it and then just to make my heart explode and drip out onto the carpet she gave the hippo lips and little tiny eyelashes. I love her and I love this little bank. Gifts like this are what birthdays are all about not big expensive crap because those hippo lips and eyelashes??? They make me happier than any gift card ever could.

So fast forward to today when I walked into my favorite store ever and in the dollar section I spot......

This

And.....

This rug.

They were both in the dollar section which was marked half off and that was the last hippo rug left. I ran over to it, swept it off the shelf, and looked around as if someone was going to come try and fight me for it (and trust me I was damn ready to take them out). As I was checking out the cashier told me how cute it was and I smiled a little to myself and thanked her, little did she know what a heartless bitch she was dealing with because as soon as I got out to my car I sent my friend C. a text message that said "There's probably some hippo themed kids room with a cold bare floor because of me and all I can say to that kid is SUCK IT cause I got the last hippo rug!!!"

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Have fun celebrating and be safe!!!!!

This would be Maggie if she lived somewhere where she could be trusted to run free

My mom sent me the link to this. It's really cute but how does that dog breathe?

Me and Chelsea: BFF's

So I forgot to tell you about this one time a couple weeks ago when I met Chelsea Clinton. She's much prettier than she was when she was the first daughter and was very well-spoken. I am still absolutely floored that anyone even remotely famous in any way would come to my school because that just doesn't happen. We are like the lepers of our county, we don't get outside visitors ever. Apparently we're moving up in the world, that or Hillary really wanted to win Ohio (I'm pretty sure it's the latter) regardless, it was fun and I do have a picture of me and her but I must warn you that it is BAD. In all caps and bold kinds of bad. I will not defend myself for going out in public looking like that, there is no excuse (plus why the heck is the camera zoomed in so much?) And also my pirate eye and triple chin-they suck some major ass. But hey I can't look perfect all the time (or ever).




p.s. Even after all this I still didn't vote for your mom, sorry Chelse-meister hopefully we're still BFF's

p.p.s. No I did not shave my head I had it back in a ponytail with a headband in and apparently it just frizzed the heck out (I'm so embarrassed, blush)

As the news channels were calling it "The Weekend Wollop"

Those of you who watch the news may have seen that Ohio was hit with a huge ass snowstorm this weekend. As luck would have it I live in Ohio. The roads in my county and several others were shut down and we were only allowed to be out if it was an emergency (I have no idea how they would know that or not but my friend C suggested that "they just look deep in your eyes and know" lol) So I was home bound all weekend and I'll tell you the story in pictures:

The snow-there was a bunch of it


The snow in relation to Maggie (keep in mind that she is huge-about 75 pounds- and when sitting comes up to about my mid thigh.)


A lot of freakin snow:


But it's all okay because we have this:


And these:

The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole

This is the story of The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole.

Cast (It's all-star, let me tell you):
The Big White Dog: My dog Maggie (who is, convenient to the plot, both big and white)

The Little Helpless Mole: Hmm how about a random mole from my backyard?

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: Yours truly

Setting: A nice, albeit snow covered, backyard much like my own.

Scene 1: (The scene opens with a big white dog (perhaps a white german shepherd husky mix, even) tied out in the backyard for her afternoon frolic in the snow)

The Big White Dog: (Frolic, frolic) Hmm this snow is really great today, it's as high as my belly but my owner has so very thoughtfully shoveled a section so that when I get tired I can take a rest. (Frolic, frolic, roll in shit, frolic) You know what I think??? I think the proper thing to do when your owner is so thoughtful as mine is to sniff around for an animal to "play with*"
*where play with in this particular piece means to throw into the air repeatedly until The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole catches me and runs, in socks, through the snow, screaming fuuuuuck the whole way down the hill, to scoop The Little Helpless Mole out of my death grip with a shovel.

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: "Oh shit Maggie what did you do?" (Looks down and notices that LHM is propelling itself forward with its front arms but everything from mid-back down is just dragging behind) So like any thoughtful human being would do she got a towel and a cardboard box and put it inside but left it outside because she is semi-intelligent when it comes to animal rescues (having participated in many) and knows that if it goes into the warm house it will perish of shock.

The Big White Dog: Gives a quizzical look and wonders: Where did my toy go?? Why is she putting my toy in a box??? Do I get to unwrap it like a gift?? Oh Happy Day!!!!!

The Little Helpless Mole: Alas I have been saved from the clutches of the Big White Dog and The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog has done a good job of trying to save me and my cute squinty eyes and little quivering nose but it was all for nought because now I will die in this box with my adorable little buck-teeth sticking out.

The End

Epilogue:
The Little Helpless Mole was lovingly placed at the base of a large tree so that Mr. Fox would have dinner for the cold night that lie ahead. The circle of life must persist.
The mother of The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog arrives home to ask if her daughter has walked "The Murderer" yet.

Patience is a virtue, or so they say

I have a buttload of free time at work today so instead of doing my homework or something else that might save me time later I've been sitting here for the past three and a half hours surfing the great internet and thinking. Baaaaaaad idea. BIG.FAT.BAD.IDEA

You see, I'm the kind of person who cannot have too much down time or I start to think too much and then the crayzeeness-it comes. I have ended yet another pointless, going nowhere relationship and truthfully, I'm okay with that, that's not what I'm all whiney and contemplative about. What I am "all whiney and contemplative" about however is why there is soooo much freakin emphasis put on relationships. I mean for crying out loud I am still young, just barely 22 and I feel like an old maid because all of my peers are getting married, buying houses, and having children. I can barely take care of my car and it's demands let alone sustain an intimate relationship with someone else, pay a mortgage, and take responsibility for a whole nother life. And while I know that I am making the right choice for myself by waiting for these things and focusing on school and a future career it does not change the fact that my greatest dream in life is to be a mother and a wife (eww I just gagged on that one a bit because I hate it when people say shit like that). I just want that one special person that I can settle down and share everything and build a life with but guess what???? I'm not ready for that yet and I feel like a fool even whining about it because I know I'm not ready yet.

So what, you may ask, is the problem??? Well it all boils down to this, while I know I personally am not ready for all of that yet I'm scared that by the time I am ready I will have missed my chance. But then I feel stupid even typing that because I am still so young. Oh it's a double edged sword this young adulthood thing is. For fucks sake I just wish my attitude would be consistent because some days I'm all "Hell yeah I'm single and young and unattached and this is how it's supposed to be for a while, live it up and enjoy it!!!" and other times it's like "Why don't I have a house with a picket fence and a husband and 2.2 kids and a golden retriever to go home to? I'm a failure at life!" And my personal answer as to why I do not have the latter is because I am not ready and furthermore I will not settle for someone I semi-like, I will wait for the "one" the one who takes my breath away and is all that I know I deserve. So cheers to all the girls who are waiting for what you want and deserve (whatever that may be)!!!!