The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole

This is the story of The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole.

Cast (It's all-star, let me tell you):
The Big White Dog: My dog Maggie (who is, convenient to the plot, both big and white)

The Little Helpless Mole: Hmm how about a random mole from my backyard?

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: Yours truly

Setting: A nice, albeit snow covered, backyard much like my own.

Scene 1: (The scene opens with a big white dog (perhaps a white german shepherd husky mix, even) tied out in the backyard for her afternoon frolic in the snow)

The Big White Dog: (Frolic, frolic) Hmm this snow is really great today, it's as high as my belly but my owner has so very thoughtfully shoveled a section so that when I get tired I can take a rest. (Frolic, frolic, roll in shit, frolic) You know what I think??? I think the proper thing to do when your owner is so thoughtful as mine is to sniff around for an animal to "play with*"
*where play with in this particular piece means to throw into the air repeatedly until The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole catches me and runs, in socks, through the snow, screaming fuuuuuck the whole way down the hill, to scoop The Little Helpless Mole out of my death grip with a shovel.

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: "Oh shit Maggie what did you do?" (Looks down and notices that LHM is propelling itself forward with its front arms but everything from mid-back down is just dragging behind) So like any thoughtful human being would do she got a towel and a cardboard box and put it inside but left it outside because she is semi-intelligent when it comes to animal rescues (having participated in many) and knows that if it goes into the warm house it will perish of shock.

The Big White Dog: Gives a quizzical look and wonders: Where did my toy go?? Why is she putting my toy in a box??? Do I get to unwrap it like a gift?? Oh Happy Day!!!!!

The Little Helpless Mole: Alas I have been saved from the clutches of the Big White Dog and The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog has done a good job of trying to save me and my cute squinty eyes and little quivering nose but it was all for nought because now I will die in this box with my adorable little buck-teeth sticking out.

The End

Epilogue:
The Little Helpless Mole was lovingly placed at the base of a large tree so that Mr. Fox would have dinner for the cold night that lie ahead. The circle of life must persist.
The mother of The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog arrives home to ask if her daughter has walked "The Murderer" yet.

Untitled (which is kind of like an oxymoron because that, in itself, is a title)

I've been hesitant to say anything for fear of jinxing my new found happiness but the ex and I are back together and I am genuinely happy, more so than I ever was before. I don't know what happened during the few months we were not together, perhaps he started to take to heart the things that I had been telling him all along, and perhaps I started to calm down just a little bit and realize that I can't get mad at him for things that are part of his culture, some things are just who he is and as long as he treats me well, respects me, and is there for me when I need him then he's okay in my book. Or maybe it's just the "honeymoon phase" all over again but I don't care what it is I just hope it sticks around.

p.s. Sooo glad Grey's Anatomy is back, and even more glad that George is not gone :)

p.p.s We have rescued yet another cat, this one from our backyard (which is also a park) She was basically about to starve to death when she wandered up to our house so we took her in got her fixed and declawed gave her her shots and we're calling her Izzy buuuuut if you know anyone who needs a cat she is free to a good home (and preferably someone we actually know in real life)

Now here's something you don't hear everyday

Who knew that my bra-less cleavage is the exact size of a baby starling? Well it is. Do you wanna know how in the hell I know this??? Okay I'll tell you, my mom found a baby starling in the middle of a busy road and brought it home because we live near a park where we can release it when it learns how to fly. Fast forward to a few hours after she brought it home and it was chiiiiiiirping and chiiiiirping and we all know that a chirping bird needs someplace cozy to go to sleep (actually we don't but when I don't know something I make shit up) and all I had available at the time was my shirt so in he went. He shut up right away and went to sleep for 2 whole hours! It was like a baby sling, I had on a workout top with a built in bra so he just sat in there while I walked around and went about my business. After a while his cute little mouth started to twitch while he slept, his beak resting on my left breast. It was precious and all but I'm glad we found a little nest type deal that he also likes to sleep in because I can sleep through a lot of things but I don't think a bird down my shirt is one of them.

Oh and by the way, yes I took pictures (come on now, how often do you have a bird nesting in your cleavage????) and no I will not post them on here because this is just not that kind of site.