Mai drawin skillz, let mi show u dem

What's that you ask? Well since its not such a good depiction of events I suppose I'll write the abbreviated story to go along with the above drawing. It goes a little something like this: Maggie got loose, rolled in something (presumably shit by the smell of her), and needed a bath. I called the place that rhymes with SmetSmart and made an appointment and in she went. 2 hours later I get the call that she's done and arrive to find a dog that smells like sunshine, rainbows, flowers, puppies, kittens, basically all things good in this world. I am happily ready to take my dog and leave until the groomer informs me that that black eye that she's sporting??? "THAT TERRIBLE DOG DID IT". I look around and unfortunately we are the only ones in there...oh crap. Next there was some babble babble about how Maggie is terrified of water and never in her 25 years of grooming has she seen a dog so terrified of water but then I'm forced to burst her bubble and tell her that this sparkly clean dog right here???? She goes to the lake and swims almost daily in the summer, she rides on our boat, she jumped off a boardwalk into water, and she has had several baths at this particular place before without incident thus diminishing any credibility that mean dog groomer had. Furthermore why the fuck was your face so close to my damn dog lady??? HUH? Were you trying to stare her in the eye?? So anyways I just kinda nodded my head and acted like I cared and then crept out. This combined with past questionable service has convinced me that I will not be returning to their establishment for bathing/grooming purposes but damn almighty will I miss the scent of that awesome shampoo!

Oh and in case you need a photo to remind you of what Maggie actually looks like in real life your wish is my command:

Very similar to the drawing no?

With letters like this I would make an excellent pen pal!

Everyone remembers their first true love, I mean how could you forget right? And for the majority of us we look back at that time with fond memories and feel the slightest twinge of jealousy when we hear of their marriage or the birth of their first child but in all actuality our rational self knows that our time together has passed (and even if we had the opportunity we wouldn't want to get back together with them) and we are genuinely happy for them. That is exactly how I feel as I have just recently found out that my first true love is married and expecting his first child (thank you myspace!). I don't want to be with him anymore but its just the slightest of subconscious pricks of jealousy when I think of her carrying his daughter because waaaay back when that was supposed to be me. I'm not trying to sound psycho here and I think you all know what I mean. Anyways I have composed a letter to her, for the purposes of this blog only (read: I will absolutely not be sending this to her).

Dear my first true love's wife (whose name sounds suspiciously similar to mine and is also the name I picked for my first daughter before I even knew of your existence, why must you taint it for me?),
How are you? How is the pregnancy progressing? I hear you're in your 28th week already; you were big before but good gravy you must be huge now!! :) I am writing to share a few ironies and truths with you. First and foremost an irony that has not escaped me and probably never will is that I spent the skinniest years of my life (read, the only years I was skinny) with your husband and it turns out that he likes fat girls (boy would he love me now!). Furthermore it has come to my attention that your husband has served in Iraq, I hope you didn't just decide to get married really quickly before he got deployed in case he died, that would be a real tragedy. Also, the "it's a girl" layout you have on myspace is adorable (if a little overpowering) but now that you have broadcast it to the entire myspace population as well as everyone you've ever met in your real life it would be a shame for your darling offspring to pop out as a boy however it would be very entertaining for all those around you :) In addition, I have seen photographs of your (very) humble abode and before the baby comes you may want to look into getting a place that is not in danger of rolling away every time a storm blows through as I hear that particular occurrence is quite frequent in neighborhoods such as yours. Finally, that blue care bear costume you wore a few Halloweens ago? Yeah never ever wear that again because you did not look cute and cuddly but like a giant, scary, ewok sent here to torment us by forcing us to stare at your three "spare tires" worth of fat until our retinas were seared and we had to look away and for months after all we could see were giant blue spots; however if you must dress up as a care bear I'm glad you chose grumpy bear because it is most likely very indicative of your default attitude for the next several decades of your life due to sleep deprivation brought about by the several children you're planning to have (after you push one out let me know if that number's decreased any k?) Anyways, just wanted to see how you were and wish you good luck with all that's coming your way, don't worry I'm sure you'll get some sleep again in about 50 years. But then again there's always grand kids, which I'm guessing will be coming sooner rather than later for you, just hope the hubby sticks with you through all of it!

Sincerely,
Nicole

"Whoops" and other sad news

I don't want to write it because if I write it it's true but then again I guess not writing about it isn't helping matters either so whatever, me and the b.f. broke up. Its been oh about 2 weeks now but its just starting to really sink in. We both agreed on it, he's too busy with work and I need someone who can be there for me but that does not change the fact that he is adorable and one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. I guess I knew there was no real future for us but I wanted to believe that we were special and that it would work out for us......basically I'm real big on denial apparently. So we parted ways but the thing that rips my heart apart each and every day is that we still talk, I still listen to his adorable mispronunciations and smile and he is still one of the sweetest guys in the world. Deep down I know it's over but I don't do well with change I mean hell I got a new credit card last week where I get money back when I buy stuff and I got a little sad because that meant I wouldn't need to use old faithful (my first credit card, that I have used since I was 17...tear) So you see I'm basically an emotional basket case and this is the only place I can admit that I really truly hurt, in my heart, but I know that I will be okay, just like my now ex told me last night "trust me nicole I know you will find a guy that is so much better than me" Well I don't know about better but just different and perhaps a better match. And now because I don't want to feel sad anymore I will post a funny story I told several months ago in a blog on myspace about me and my idiocy and my very loving and forgiving ex-boyfriend. It is ever-so-appropriately entitled "whoops"


They say love means never having to say you're sorry but if you have, in the span of one and a half days, ripped a bracket off a window while trying to hang Christmas lights thus causing the miniblinds (which don't even belong to your boyfriend) to fall, then while making him move them you distract him so that he turns knocking his roomates speaker off his desk and breaking the front off (all the while I'm laughing uncontrollably and not even trying to help), and finally set his oven on fire at the beginning of the Ohio State Game causing the majority of the first half to be spent a)putting out the fire and b) chiseling plastic off the oven racks, then i would say that this quote is a load of crap and encourage you to swallow your pride and apologize repeatedly for the next month.

And now for a hilarious quote

"Nicole! Tell me you didn't see that big piece of beef! Your head is not normal." (The b.f. said this to me when i spazed out cause i thought i broke his freezer door on top of eveything mentioned above so i yelled at him to come look at it, insisting that I didn't break it when if fact the true problem, as you may have guessed from the above quote, was a hunk of beef blocking the door from closing; he kindly pushed it aside and then stared at me like i was an absolute nutcase and i can't say i blame him)

An original

While I was doing some much needed cleaning today I found something that I wrote in high-school. Not much, just something we were required to write and I hated it because it had to be insightful and involved the expressing of emotions to a faculty member who I had absolutely no interest in sharing them with. I also hated it because it was required to be dramatic and I had faced hurt in my life as everyone has, but I felt that my hurt was not valid, the small obstacles I had in my life were nothing compared to those of others and the last thing I wanted was for him to read it and say "oh great another over-dramatic teen-ager who thinks they know what pain is" but hell he asked for it and I hated it so much that what am I gonna do now???? Post it for the internet to see because it's a small piece of me and my emotion, just a random something and it's kinda grown on me. And it should be said there was no one certain event that inspired this it's just kinda random but it still has meaning for many different instances.

Too much and not enough at the same time.
Anger surged, electrifying me.
Stabbing, pulsating pain.
Wanting to run yet longing to stay.
Waiting...silence, utterly alone, running away from your problems

Sobbing, wishing, hoping, praying.
Watching life go on around me.
Wondering how things will result.
Thinking my life is over.

Stopping, calming, everything is okay.
I can handle this.
I am victorious.
Slowly the days get brighter.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.


Yeah it screams of dramatics but it applies to any type of depression we go through young or old so I like it and now I must go hunt down the asshole who gave me a C+ on it!!!!