Growth

All of this waiting and worrying and still having to move on with my daily life is teaching me a lesson. I can see myself growing as a person and learning to rely a lot more on God and trust that his will is being done. I'm not usually one to wax all religious on here but I am feeling growth as a person and for me God is part of that so...just sayin. Anyways I finally got an e-mail from J yesterday and gosh did it hit home how much I truly miss him but also how much I didn't really expect to hear from him and was beginning the very initial stages of moving on. But at the same time it felt right, like I knew I would hear from him all along. I don't know what the heck I'm saying, I'm so confused but basically God is working on me and even though it's been hard it doesn't feel devastating like it did before, it just feels like an obstacle I must overcome to obtain true contentment and happiness. Growth people, its all about growth.

My dad (a devoutly religious man) would punch me if he read this entry

As I was surfing the Internet I stumbled across this

I have to say after watching it and reading some of the reports beneath it I am pretty disgusted. People are acting as though being Muslim equates to being a racist, disrespectful, inconsiderate, terrorist. Let me just say: no. There are extremists in every religion and I really just wish people would stop wasting time believing in and putting emphasis on stereotypes. I don't know a great deal about the Muslim faith nor do I purport to however I am a firm believer in freedom of religion which is one of the great rights of being in America. I guess what I'm saying is I wish people would not answer questions such as the one asked in that clip by vehemently denying that they are of one faith (in this case Muslim) and making it seem as though it is something wrong. The answer should be a simple no and not a "No I am absolutely not a Muslim, I am a Christian, and I was sworn in on the BIBLE" making it seem as though Christianity is the only acceptable religion. Those e-mails were meant to play into prejudices and by answering questions in that manner I feel that it just re-inforces said prejudices.

Oh and also this has nothing to do with who I do or do not support in the election it was simply a solid example of a phenomenon I have been noticing for quite some time now and it does not mean I think anything of Barack Obama one way or another.
So put that in your juice box and suck it all you people who like to make controversy!!!! :)

I like to call this "bullshit medley", catchy no?

Ok so how about the time I promised to write about life lessons, I'm gonna amend that to say: I am a big fat pretentious idiot who knows nothing about life and should therefore shut the fuck up and stop acting like a know it all.

Anyways moving on I have several topics that I thought would make for interesting blog entries (I sunk to new levels when I started keeping a sticky note beside my desk with topics on it) so following is a medley of crap that I think about.

Recently I was thinking about how one time my mom told me that she finds it hard to believe in God, or a higher power, because if there was such a power why did my grandmother, who was a great woman, die. I thought about that for a minute and for me it is the exact opposite. I believe in God because he gives us strength to get through such situations and teaches us innumerable lessons along the way. I am not saying that everyone should feel the same way as me, I feel that religion is a personal choice and I would never judge anyone because of it, but I just wanted to note how the same situation can be perceived so very differently by people. If no one ever suffered or had bad things happen than how would we grow and learn; why would we need God? Obviously no one wants to watch a loved one die or have negative things happen but I'm of the belief system that it all happens for a reason. Ask me this again if something happens to someone with whom I'm close or myself and my opinion may be a bit different but I would like to hope not. Disclaimer: this is not to say that I handle suffering or death or problems well at all because I'm pretty much a blubbering fool.

Next topic of discussion, yard sales. Some of the stuff people try to sell should just be lying in a dumpster somewhere. If you honestly think you're going to get someone to pay you $5 for your stained, cat hair covered, sweater that your aunt Matilda knit for you back in 1985 think again. What is wrong with you people???? Yard sales can be ok but the ones with table upon table of stupid shit like happy meal toys that are half chewed really piss me off, just give it up and throw your trash away instead of wasting your and everyone elses time. Last week I was driving around and I saw a person trying to sell, no joke, a trophy (with their name on it nonetheless) and the whole top half broken off for the bargain price of $2.50, get a life.

In other news, I commented on my first blog today and I couldn't start with just some little tiny blog, no no no not me I had to comment on a big one. It's not like anyone will even know who I am but still I get so nervous that I'll make an ass out of myself somehow that I don't even like to comment on blogs, I'm a loser I know, but the entry was about weird men on tv that we're attracted to and I immediately remembered this post and just had to share.

The one where me and my dad actually argue about "butch" hair

Now don't get me wrong, I love my dad to death, he is and always will be my best friend but it boggles my mind how two people so different can love each other so much. My dad is extreeeeeeeemely conservative in his religious beliefs and when we talk we often get into "discussions" about our various beliefs. Mind you, this man taught me the ropes of religion, he is the one I went to church with and he is the one who helped me with my Bible studies etc. When you're young you're sort of just learning the basics but when you're older you start to get into heated debates and touchy issues and as you can imagine my church as well as my father frowns upon homosexuality (quite difficult for a child who is being raised by a mother who happens to be homosexual) anyways blah blah blah a lot of confusion blah blah blah... Suffice it to say that I came out of all this with my own set of beliefs that is quite different from my dad's in many areas. Last night I figured I'd strike a chord if I told my dad I started to read Sylvia Brown's soul searching series (or whatever its called) and as soon as the words escaped my lips BINGO! DISCUSSION TIME Somehow last nights topic turned out to not be about Sylvia Brown and her theories but about homosexuality and I kid you not these words escaped the lips of my father, one of the (otherwise) smartest men I know.

Dad: "Nicole, have you ever seen a lesbian couple walking down the street? Why does one of them usually have butch hair??? Because one is trying to be the man!"

Me: "Dad what about straight people who have 'butch' hair? Or what if both of them have 'butch' hair?"

Dad: "Well straight people shouldn't have butch hair, there's a difference between butch and short. And if both of the lesbian's have 'butch' hair it means they're battling over who is the man!"

Blink...........Blink, Blink, Blink

It amazes me that he just asserts these things with so much certainty and he is convinced that he is 100% right. I asked him how he could back that up and his answer was that "it's just common sense" although there are verses about hair in the Bible nothing specifically mentioning this. WOW!

I am just floored sometimes by the way people, even the smartest of them, can be told things and they just continue to believe it because that's just "how it is" and never take the time to stop and think things through for themselves. Yes I grew up extreeemely religious and today I still consider myself religious (though I have slipped away quite a bit, I'm working on that though). However, I don't believe religion or God is about bringing people down, judging people, or acting like you're better than someone else just because of your beliefs. I believe that religion should be a personal challenge to better yourself each and every day.

And all that being said I should start my own church hahahaha anyways that's my message for the day, so there!!!! :)