Blah
Things that elicited a smile from me on this the first day of my menstrual cycle
1) Ben and Jerry and their new flavor "Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow" smiling out at me from behind the glass of the freezer door, shining an unparalleled light onto my bloated disgusting and exhausted body. I was so happy in fact, that I almost licked the door itself but then I decided on taking the dignified option and waiting till I got out to my car and shoving my face into the carton and it was totally worth the chocolate I got all over everything.
2) This kid running through the store and falling flat on his face and then his mom yelling "You shouldn't even have fell down!!! Get your self up before I whoop yo ass!"
3)Having the following conversation with my mom
Me: I don't wanna go to the store alone, it'll be dark by the time I'm finished...blah blah blah weepcakes
Mom: You'll be fine.
Me: Yeah but only because I'm too fat for anyone to try and take me. (Did i mention it's the first day of my period and my two main symptoms besides the blood pouring out of me are that I tend to be both completely over dramatic and disgustingly pessimistic)
Mom: Nicole, two weeks ago someone stole my prized 41 foot ladder* and scaffolding, if they can lift that, they can lift you.
Me: I am so writing that down.
*An aside: since this particular day 2 weeks ago everything has been somehow related back to my mom's prized ladder. "Mom I think I'm sick" "Well I sure hope the person who stole my ladder is sick" "Mom I need help with this" "Yeah but you know who needs help??? The person who stole my ladder." "Mom did you see that news story about the wild boar who ate 12 kids who were on a field trip at the zoo" "No but maybe that boar ate my ladder" etc. etc.
4) The thought of sinking in to bed at 8 o'clock with another carton of Ben and Jerry's and the Golden Girl's on TV.
Things that made me cry/yell/sob/slap myself etc.
1) Having to change into my "fat pants" halfway through the day (and that was before the Ben and Jerry's catastrophe. picture that if you will)
2) Trying to explain that there are two different versions of the word to, (too and to) to my adorable yet basically English illiterate boyfriend and that when he asks me how to say "go back to doing your homework" I'm not telling him to go back to doing his too motherfucker!!!!!!! because a) that's stupid and b) he doesn't go to school
3) Having some fuckwad in one of my classes actually ask a question or make some useless comment 20 times in a two and a half hour class (yes I counted meanwhile thinking holy mother of God shut up so we can get out of here!!!!) That is roughly 10 questions an hour ahhhhh
But that's all irrelevant cause in about 20 minutes I'll be sinking into bed with another container of Ben and Jerry's watching the Golden Girls on TV, ahh the joys and sorrows of being a woman.
1) Ben and Jerry and their new flavor "Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow" smiling out at me from behind the glass of the freezer door, shining an unparalleled light onto my bloated disgusting and exhausted body. I was so happy in fact, that I almost licked the door itself but then I decided on taking the dignified option and waiting till I got out to my car and shoving my face into the carton and it was totally worth the chocolate I got all over everything.
2) This kid running through the store and falling flat on his face and then his mom yelling "You shouldn't even have fell down!!! Get your self up before I whoop yo ass!"
3)Having the following conversation with my mom
Me: I don't wanna go to the store alone, it'll be dark by the time I'm finished...blah blah blah weepcakes
Mom: You'll be fine.
Me: Yeah but only because I'm too fat for anyone to try and take me. (Did i mention it's the first day of my period and my two main symptoms besides the blood pouring out of me are that I tend to be both completely over dramatic and disgustingly pessimistic)
Mom: Nicole, two weeks ago someone stole my prized 41 foot ladder* and scaffolding, if they can lift that, they can lift you.
Me: I am so writing that down.
*An aside: since this particular day 2 weeks ago everything has been somehow related back to my mom's prized ladder. "Mom I think I'm sick" "Well I sure hope the person who stole my ladder is sick" "Mom I need help with this" "Yeah but you know who needs help??? The person who stole my ladder." "Mom did you see that news story about the wild boar who ate 12 kids who were on a field trip at the zoo" "No but maybe that boar ate my ladder" etc. etc.
4) The thought of sinking in to bed at 8 o'clock with another carton of Ben and Jerry's and the Golden Girl's on TV.
Things that made me cry/yell/sob/slap myself etc.
1) Having to change into my "fat pants" halfway through the day (and that was before the Ben and Jerry's catastrophe. picture that if you will)
2) Trying to explain that there are two different versions of the word to, (too and to) to my adorable yet basically English illiterate boyfriend and that when he asks me how to say "go back to doing your homework" I'm not telling him to go back to doing his too motherfucker!!!!!!! because a) that's stupid and b) he doesn't go to school
3) Having some fuckwad in one of my classes actually ask a question or make some useless comment 20 times in a two and a half hour class (yes I counted meanwhile thinking holy mother of God shut up so we can get out of here!!!!) That is roughly 10 questions an hour ahhhhh
But that's all irrelevant cause in about 20 minutes I'll be sinking into bed with another container of Ben and Jerry's watching the Golden Girls on TV, ahh the joys and sorrows of being a woman.
Posted by Nicole at 7:14 PM::
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