We both know that I could think myself dizzy, right now I'm spinning around
So usually I try and keep things pretty upbeat on here. I don't get into too many personal stories and such but tonight I'm feeling sad so I'm gonna let it all hang out, please bear with me.
I feel so lonely, I have a boyfriend who I haven't seen in a month and who never has time for me, I have a mother who has been increasingly rude to me, I have a million family members that live in the area who I haven't seen in probably 10 years, what the hell? I feel like everyone just isolates themselves and pretty soon we're all gonna be living alone. And the people I do hang out with regularly seem to always be checking their watch and making up reasons why they have to go (I'll admit I'm guilty of that one too). People don't understand, they really don't, all the hangups only children have. When I say I'm alone I'm alone. As in I genuinely feel alone in this world (though I know I'm not). Everyone seems to have their "someone" and I feel like all my "someones" have taken a leave of absence. It's such a double edged sword, I crave my alone time if I don't get enough but when I have too much I get in a funk. I hate this feeling more than anything in the world; that feeling that no one in the entire world is thinking about me, it's so depressing. I know it's not true but we all have our moments of feeling this way I suppose. I just feel like what the fuck I'm 21 what am I doing sitting at home on a Saturday night blogging? Why am I not out with friends, and furthermore why do I not really want to be sometimes? I just wish I had my rock, the one person that would make me feel un-lonely but not smother me. Now I'm just rambling and this is a big muddled mess so just let me keep feeling sorry for myself for just a few more minutes and then I'll suck it up k?
I had dinner with my cousins (they're sisters) tonight and I was really looking forward to going; we could be really close but we rarely see each other though I don't know why. It actually sucked. Not the dinner itself that part was great and we had a lot of laughs, but just the fact that I got a little taste of having people care and as soon as the food was gone BAM back to just me again.
Fuck everyone for always being on my back and fuck all the false friends that are out there. I have weeded you out and now I'm basically left with my closest family members and a few select friends. I am fucking lonely and sad. I want to be the person who can take life by the horns and have adventures, the one who can go out and talk to anyone and is always making new friends, I want to be optimistic and not so lazy and scared of meaningful relationships. Most of all I want to not be any of those things, I want to be me and still have support.
And yes the title of this post was shamelessly stolen from the song 5:19 by Matt Wertz
I feel so lonely, I have a boyfriend who I haven't seen in a month and who never has time for me, I have a mother who has been increasingly rude to me, I have a million family members that live in the area who I haven't seen in probably 10 years, what the hell? I feel like everyone just isolates themselves and pretty soon we're all gonna be living alone. And the people I do hang out with regularly seem to always be checking their watch and making up reasons why they have to go (I'll admit I'm guilty of that one too). People don't understand, they really don't, all the hangups only children have. When I say I'm alone I'm alone. As in I genuinely feel alone in this world (though I know I'm not). Everyone seems to have their "someone" and I feel like all my "someones" have taken a leave of absence. It's such a double edged sword, I crave my alone time if I don't get enough but when I have too much I get in a funk. I hate this feeling more than anything in the world; that feeling that no one in the entire world is thinking about me, it's so depressing. I know it's not true but we all have our moments of feeling this way I suppose. I just feel like what the fuck I'm 21 what am I doing sitting at home on a Saturday night blogging? Why am I not out with friends, and furthermore why do I not really want to be sometimes? I just wish I had my rock, the one person that would make me feel un-lonely but not smother me. Now I'm just rambling and this is a big muddled mess so just let me keep feeling sorry for myself for just a few more minutes and then I'll suck it up k?
I had dinner with my cousins (they're sisters) tonight and I was really looking forward to going; we could be really close but we rarely see each other though I don't know why. It actually sucked. Not the dinner itself that part was great and we had a lot of laughs, but just the fact that I got a little taste of having people care and as soon as the food was gone BAM back to just me again.
Fuck everyone for always being on my back and fuck all the false friends that are out there. I have weeded you out and now I'm basically left with my closest family members and a few select friends. I am fucking lonely and sad. I want to be the person who can take life by the horns and have adventures, the one who can go out and talk to anyone and is always making new friends, I want to be optimistic and not so lazy and scared of meaningful relationships. Most of all I want to not be any of those things, I want to be me and still have support.
And yes the title of this post was shamelessly stolen from the song 5:19 by Matt Wertz
Posted by Nicole at 11:30 PM::
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