The days of my life

A new chapter on the horizon

2008-12-10T00:05:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here in absolute amazement. I have just written and printed my final undergraduate paper. I turn it in tomorrow and take one really easy test on Thursday and then I'm a college grad. You have no idea how sentimental I am and how freaked out I get when my world changes. And this?? Will be a big change. I will be off school for an entire semester as my graduate program doesn't start until end of May early June. Also, I work as a student assistant in an office on campus and because I am graduating that means I'm leaving my job too.

I know that I bitch and moan about school and how stressed I am but I cannot fathom not being in school. It is what I do, all I've known. I have worked, but jobs have always been secondary to getting my education. What will I do with all the TIME??? How will it feel to read a book or watch t.v. and not be thinking, in the back of my mind, that I should be working on such and such that's due next week?

And work, don't even get me started on how sad I am to be leaving my perfect little office. I'm still in denial about this one. I have worked there for 3 and a half years, so basically all of my undergrad years, and I love it. It is private so I'm not constantly forced to interact with other students, the schedule is flexible, the work load is light and simple, and the people are amazing. Oh the people I work with...I wish I could bottle them up and take them with me. I cannot imagine not walking to my office and saying hello to Peg, and practicing portuguese with Janete, and listening to Phyllis curse and laugh, and talking to Kaye about her adorable grandson and what she did over the weekend. These people have been more than people that I work for and with, they have been my cheerleaders and have supported me in all the work I've done both academically and otherwise. They have taken a true interest in my life and have made going to work pleasurable. I am so very sad to be leaving my little nest. I just want things to stay the same, I am so scared of change. I cannot imagine finding a better work environment or people who care more about me. They are throwing me a celebration on Thursday and I promised myself I wouldn't cry until Friday (my last day), I doubt I'll be able to follow through. Today when I got to work there was an envelope with pictures of an outing that I went on with Peg and her grandson, so thoughtful. Little gifts have been trickling in and even better little words of encouragement and congratulations. They have confidence in me that I will succeed, more confidence in fact, then I think I have in myself.

So here's to starting new chapters, which quite frankly simultaneously terrifies and excites me.

In case anyone was wondering...

2008-12-01T12:47:00.003-05:00

From a message I posted to those who feel the need to question me about my long distance (only for another month :)! ) relationship with J.

I know so many of you don't understand and wonder why I don't just "move on" and "get over it" but to you I say I am happier, even when I'm missing him, then I have ever been before in my life. He is an amazing person so please don't judge me and just trust that I am well aware of what I am doing and feel free to live your life the way you see fit and I will do the same. I don't need anymore people trying to talk me out of loving someone, when did that ever work? Love is messy and tragic and wonderful and euphoric all at once and I wish for everyone to feel the kind of love that I feel when I see him smile.

No red, no blue, just purple.

2008-11-13T23:29:00.005-05:00

Yes this may be long, yes it may be rambling, yes this may be incoherent and yes it may be entirely possible that no one other than myself will ever read it but that's just fine with me!

I will start out by saying go check out this awesome website .

Did you do it??? Do it so you can share in my euphoria!!!!

Ok so I was browsing face book and somehow I stumbled upon the link to the above website and all I can say is WOW. I have renewed hope for human beings! It's about darn time that people joined together as one. I am so proud that finally my generation is standing up for something, and not just anything but for the right for everyone to co-exist peacefully regardless of politics. My generation (and a lot of Americans in general) is known for some pretty negative things; we have a ridiculous sense of entitlement, we have been at times apathetic and lazy but it's not entirely our fault. This is all still so new to us, there has never been a country like this awesome one and so we're still figuring it out. We might make mistakes, we might stumble and fall flat on our faces but you know what??? It doesn't matter because we have far more good qualities than bad and we will pick ourselves right back up, band together, and change the world. I am so proud to finally be feeling the sense that maybe I actually can make a difference and see a change, maybe my generation really is part of something great. It's terrible that things had to get so bad for us to finally stand up but I have faith in us, that we can and will make changes where they need to be made.

As you may or may not know, I am no optimist and I realize that there is a crazy amount of work to do but I just feel so privileged that the human beings of this country are starting to realize that it takes ALL of us to make a change. We ALL need to be heard as well as learn to listen to others, we all need to take responsibility for our mistakes and fix them. Basically, we're all in this together LET"S DO IT!!!!

And with that I'll put the pipe down and get back to the grind of real life :)

Monumental

2008-11-05T00:40:00.002-05:00

There are no words that I can say that will accurately express how I felt listening to Obama give his victory speech tonight. I got goosebumps. I am so relieved to have caught a glimpse of a brighter and more tolerant future.

Robbed I tell you!

2008-10-01T23:53:00.003-05:00

For anyone who watches America's Got Talent I would just like to say Nuttin but Strings got effing ROBBED! They were so fun and original and damn it if they didn't come in third place to two singers. We're supposed to be finding a Vegas act how is singing original? Who wants to go to Vegas and pay to see some unknown person stand there and sing??? Thats what concerts are for, not Vegas shows. GAAAAHHH

Also I took the GRE and got above what I needed to for my graduate program of choice so yess!!!! And thank you if you thought of/prayed for me!

Hey at least it wasn't Yo Gabba Gabba

2008-08-07T11:35:00.008-05:00

The air conditioning situation has yet to be resolved. I think it's gonna take a sexual favor to get maintenance here and I'm so hot and tired and sweaty that I actually find myself thinking "ehh why not? I'll just suck it up and take one for the team" (pun totally intended)

Also, on a scale of one to ten how pathetic would it be for a twenty-two year old with no children to get totally caught up in an episode of the Backyardigans to the point that when they have to leave for work in the middle they Tivo the ending?

Havin a heat wave

2008-08-06T14:04:00.003-05:00

I want to post but I have nothing to write about because the heat has sucked away all thoughts in my head other than "Dude, the air conditioning has been broken at work for THREE DAYS NOW!!! HELP! I'M STEWIN IN MY OWN JUICES!"

And now, with that lovely image firmly implanted in your mind's eye, I'll skip off into the sunset.

Feelings of inferiority anyone...anyone....Bueller?

2008-08-04T13:42:00.007-05:00

I don't know if I've mentioned here that one of my moms all time favorite quotes is "No one can make you feel inferior witout your consent" (or something like that) by Eleanor Roosevelt. Well my mom would not be proud because I've been noticing recently that I am pretty much constantly feeling inferior.

As I study for the GRE (which I take on August 23rd, pray for me!) I think, "how does anyone pass this? I must be some kind of idiot because I've been studying for nearly a year and I still don't know half the vocabulary and the math? Just forget about it. I know some real idiots who've gotten their masters degree and they had to take this same test, maybe I'm not as smart and capable as I thought."

As I prepare to graduate from college in December, with Honors no less, I find myself saying "Yeah but I just got into the honors program on a fluke and the real honors students are so smart and organized and prepared. I save everything until the last minute and don't really deserve to be here because I never read the books or spend hours studying like everyone else claims to, the information just sticks".

As I'm walking into work I see a well-dressed, pretty girl walking past me and I automatically shrink back thinking well maybe I'm single because I don't have legs like her, or hair like so-and-so" (yes I think that, no I don't actually believe it...most of the time.)

As I am reading the truly inspiring words of other bloggers out there and listen to them talking about the great blogging community I scroll down and see 10's and 100's of comments and I think "I know my writing sucks and I admittedly don't have much time to put into this whole blogging thing but couldn't someone at least comment every tenth post or something? I want to feel involved, but then when I think about it how often do I comment, or link, or anything of that nature? The answer: RARELY, so that's another big FAIL.

I minimize my accomplishments and feel that all I've achieved is mediocrity. It comes down to the fact that I am such a perfectionist deep-down, that on the surface I choke when I have to do things because I am scared they won't be great enough. I feel that everything I do is sub-standard, even when that is not the case (or so I'm told). I feel that I am inferior for being 22 and still living at home, for not being in any kind of long-term relationship, for watching all my friends lives come together while I'm in school struggling to become an adult. Buy hey, at least I'm fighting back and making something of myself, let's hope it's not just something average.

Another heartfelt letter

2008-08-01T13:41:00.003-05:00

This morning at 8:00 a.m. one of my dear friends from work was sworn in as an American citizen!!! She was so excited, walking around yesterday talking about how this is that last time we'll see her as a Brazilian because on Monday she'll officially be an American. So Congrats J!!!!!!

Now on to the regularly scheduled post.

Dear server at Bob Evans,

I know this letter is late and that it was a whole 15 days ago already that I had the pleasure of making your acquaintance but you were so thoroughly air-headed that I still feel all of this must be said.

Firstly my dear, on a 90 degree day you do not come take a drink order and then NOT BRING THE DRINKS. The only reason we got them half-way through the meal is because we flagged you down a THIRD TIME and asked for them A THIRD TIME, meanwhile following your movement to the drink machine with the evil eye to ensure follow through.

Next, when I order the turkey dinner with mashed potatoes usually the server would just put the same gravy that is on the meat on the potatoes but not you, oh no no no no. You asked me what kind of gravy I wanted on the potatoes and when I said "the same kind that's on the meat, which is turkey right?" You said, umm yeah but we don't have turkey gravy for potatoes you hafta pick either beef, chicken, or (get this) SAUSAGE GRAVY; as in the thick creamy kind you put over biscuits. I have a few problems with this. Number 1 if you have turkey gravy for the turkey how do you not have it for the potatoes?? Number 2 why would I want beef and turkey gravy or even turkey and chicken gravy together on the same plate? And number 3, and this is the biggy, why the hell would I want creamy sausage gravy on my potatoes???? However, dear internets, I did not mention any of that as we were a bit rushed and instead just said "umm okay I'll take the chicken gravy?".

And lastly, when you finally do bring us the appropriately gravied (is that even a word?) food and the beverages do not disappear not to be seen again with our bill for ten million years.

Thanks,

Nicole

Dear attendees of last Thursdays John Mayer concert,

2008-07-23T13:13:00.007-05:00

As my cousin so adequately stated you are "real class acts", especially you barefoot woman in line to buy alcohol when you're already holding another glass of it in your hand and talking about how you always get messed up at concerts and then when the lady goes to hand you your huge beer that you asked 10 million questions about and held us all up for 20 minutes you suddenly decide you don't want it anymore and you simply WALK AWAY. You stumbled off into the sunset, bare feet stomping through puddles of sludge containing God only knows what. You are an ass, put on shoes and get a life.

Middle-aged lady two rows in front of me who is dragging her 10 year old son down with her, you are a fanatic. Newsflash people don't bring binoculars to these kinds of concerts and also, no one actually cries when John Mayer takes the stage. He's not Elvis or Frank Sinatra, he's just a chill guy singing some songs, yes his music is great and he is cute but for the love of all that is good stop crying and bobbing around in that weird way, I missed an entire song cause I was staring at you and laughing (and perhaps even taking a video clip to laugh at later).

Middle-aged couple directly in front of us, all I can say to you is PLEASE STOP GRINDING ON EACH OTHER, not only is this music not conducive to grinding but also it is thoroughly grossing me out.

Guy sitting next to me, when John Mayer comes out to do an encore please don't lean to my cousin and I and explain that you have to leave because you have to pick up your six year old. I don't care why you are leaving or even that you are leaving for that matter, just walk out and leave me alone. P.S. That's why I don't have kids right now; so I don't have to leave stuff to pick them up and feel obligated to explain myself to everyone within a five mile radius.

And finally oooold couple who stopped your car in the middle of the parking lot during the traffic jam to make out and pleasure one another EWWWWWW I think I got herpes just watching you, kindly get a room.

I would appreciate it greatly if all of you would heed my words and preferably never ever go out in public again kthxbai!

Coming soon-a letter to our airhead of a waitress at Bob Evans before the concert.

Great quote from my (sometimes passive) co-worker

2008-07-16T11:03:00.001-05:00

"Nicole, I'm learning to be more assertive because the meek may inherit the earth but I just want to survive while I'm here!"

My big white baby

2008-07-15T14:41:00.004-05:00

Since Maggie started doggie daycare it has occurred to me on more than one occasion (for instance, last night when I was getting ready to climb into my nice comfy bed which I had just put fresh sheets and a comforter on when I heard gag,buuurp,gag, york!!! and then Maggie's mouth opened and every edible substance in the whole world came flying out of her mouth and immediately the whole room smelled like rotten crap; or the few days before when I dropped her off at daycare and she went charging in to attack the first dog that attempted to sniff her butt region and had to be sprayed w/ a water bottle and put in "time out") how much this animal raising parallels raising children. Except for the fact that raising children is magnified by about 10 million, I would imagine. But when she was sick I still sat there and petted her until she relaxed (she gets really scared when she regurgitates anything. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type) and spot cleaned and stripped the bedding and re-made it. And when she gets in trouble at daycare I still get that embarrassed feeling and start to blush because I TAUGHT MY DOG BETTER THAN THAT AND NOW THESE PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M SOME KIND OF NEANDERTHAL WHO LETS MY DOG ROAM AROUND ATTACKING WHOEVER SHE DARN WELL PLEASES.

All of this to say that a) i am ridiculous and have no life and b)wow I'm glad I didn't get pregnant that one time the condom broke when I was like 18 and in loooove or else I'd be knee deep in these experiences by now. And kids? They can talk and yell and cry and throw fits.

Growth

2008-07-13T13:00:00.003-05:00

All of this waiting and worrying and still having to move on with my daily life is teaching me a lesson. I can see myself growing as a person and learning to rely a lot more on God and trust that his will is being done. I'm not usually one to wax all religious on here but I am feeling growth as a person and for me God is part of that so...just sayin. Anyways I finally got an e-mail from J yesterday and gosh did it hit home how much I truly miss him but also how much I didn't really expect to hear from him and was beginning the very initial stages of moving on. But at the same time it felt right, like I knew I would hear from him all along. I don't know what the heck I'm saying, I'm so confused but basically God is working on me and even though it's been hard it doesn't feel devastating like it did before, it just feels like an obstacle I must overcome to obtain true contentment and happiness. Growth people, its all about growth.

I suck at coming up with titles for this stuff

2008-07-11T10:40:00.008-05:00

On Monday morning I woke up with tonsils the size of Texas and could hardly swallow. This has continued all week which caused me to actually schedule an appointment with the Dr. (which I never do) but it was more because I need my anti-anxiety/depression pills refilled than the whole pesky can't hardly swallow thing (see I know what's important!). So, hey, lucky me, I have strep throat. I can only hope I passed it on to that absolute dill-weed I went on a date with a couple weeks ago because that would be the bright spot of my week.

So what is so depressing? In my effort to share more, the main thing referred to here was the fact that I was dating an utterly wonderful guy (J), things were going brilliantly. It was unlike any relationship I had shared with someone before, nothing was forced or awkward, there was no tension we just "were". It was relaxed and refreshing and peaceful and wonderful all at once. When I was with him I felt complete and like I was at home (and trust me there is nothing I love more than my home so that is saying A LOT). Everything was great for months and months and then I had to go and jinx myself and write the post (which I have sinced removed) about life's unexpected moments and the next day POOF! everything sucks. He had to go home (he is from India originally) for 6 months to be with his family. We have been trying to contact one another but we keep missing. I swear everytime I listen to his voicemail it rips my heart out because half of me loves him and misses him and the other half of me wants to punch him in the gut. Anyways that's the long end short of it so I am half waiting to see what happens with him and half dating but the more dates I go on the more I miss him so we'll see...

Edited to add: You know what on second though I will repost the post about lifes little moments because I don't want to forget or ignore the wonderful moments in life. So please read it, it's a good one, its from sometime at the end of May/beginning of June or hey, I'll stop being lazy and link to it.

Blahbity blahbity blah blah blah-the post in which I need to shut my face

2008-07-09T13:15:00.004-05:00

The whole reason I started this blog was to chronicle the events of my life. I wanted to be able to catalog everything that happened so that I could look back and remember it. Now I realize I was doing it more because I use writing as my preferred form of therapy. That, you see, is a problem. I chose a public forum on which to write my most private thoughts and feelings. Also when I'm actually going through the situation that warrents the writing it is hard for me to do so because I either a)feel like I won't do the event justice and will somehow ruin it by writing about it or b) I clam up and am too upset/depressed/elated/overjoyed..(whatever, you get the picture) to write about it. So I end up feeling like this blog isn't a true representation of "me". It's just a huge pile of posts about why I couldn't post or vague suggestions as to what happened but never really writing about them.
So basically? FAIL
But as always I will try to do better and I will try to post more and write about whats going on even if I feel like I don't want to because if I don't do something then all I'll have is a million years worth of posts that say "whoops sorry I didn't post, the event is still too raw" followed by "the situation is over and it all worked out". Not exactly the in depth chronicling of life that I'd like to have here.

Shiny new mac book and vacation pics!

2008-07-08T19:01:00.008-05:00

This weekend my mommy and I went out and got this...

So I can finally post these vacation pics

As you can see from the pictures of my bedroom and bathroom I'm a very tidy person (snort!) More later and also I'm finally joining the 21st century and getting a flickr account, wish me luck with that because I can mess up pretty much everything, it's a gift.

The age-old debate

2008-06-30T13:53:00.002-05:00

So both my laptops are old and it is now officially time to upgrade so I have been looking into switching to a Mac because I hear that they are infinitely better and also I just love the way they look (not a good reason I know)n I've been spending some time researching the pros and cons and plan on actually going to the store to talk to real, live, breathing, people about it but I just wondered does anyone have any input? Also, am I the only one who's a little freaked out by the MacBook Air? I am pretty rough with my machinery and though it looks absolutely amazing I am afraid I'd snap that puppy in half withing hours of purchasing it. Is this a legitimate fear, should I go with the more durable looking (and slightly more hefty) plain old MacBook? TELL ME PEOPLE I NEED TO KNOW!

All I want but won't let myself enjoy

2008-06-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

I am feeling so happy but then I won't even let myself enjoy happiness because I automatically start thinking of all that could go wrong. What is it that makes me feel like everything is too good to be true? That I don't truly deserve to be this freaking happy? Because all I want is to be this freaking happy.

I'm baaaack

2008-06-26T11:57:00.004-05:00

Okay so thank you for being patient with me while I sorted my shit out. I am feeling much, much, better and even have a hint of optimism. So, with that being said lets move on.

My computer has officially totally died and therefore the vacation pictures must wait a little bit longer.

Maggie is now attending doggie daycare three mornings a week (I never thought I would be one of "those people" but heck it sure beats coming home to see that your big loving beast got bored and decided to CHEW THE MOTHER F'ING WALL (true story))

My summer class starts next month already! :(

I met my best friend S's new b.f. while I was in Virginia and he is amazing and I just know he will be her husband some day, so excited for her! Finally, one that is worthy of her!

Oh and my cousin might be moving her wedding up, like waaay up and that means I have significantly less time to lose weight than I had originally planned. GAHHH!

And thats about all the updates I have for now because as they say: It's summer time and the livin's easy

Yuck

2008-06-16T13:05:00.002-05:00

I am so utterly gutted. I wrote this amazing poignant post about how wonderful life's unexpected moments are and two hours later I was forced to remove it because...how shall I say this? Things were nowhere near as wonderful as they had been. It's a long story and I'm still too upset to write about it so forgive me if posting is light. I'm dealing with that deep seeded depression that makes even the tiniest task seem impossible and everything I do makes me want to burst into tears so please pardon my emotional basketcase-ness. Also, don't worry no one died or anything, it's just a personal battle of sorts.

p.s. on a brighter note I was in Outer Banks NC for a week and it was absolutely brilliant and beautiful, pictures coming soon PROMISE!

Life's unexpected moments

2008-06-03T13:53:00.004-05:00

Sunday evening with J was one of those "moments", the kind that you instinctively know as soon as it's happening that you will be able to look back on it in 60 years and still feel that same pang of joy that you did at the time. These moments always happen when they're least expected and usually when doing something "ordinary". You're just going about your life living an ordinary existence and BAM these tiny extraordinary little moments pop up out of nowhere. I think of these moments as actually living and the rest of time is just (ha, just!) life.

It was a spontaneous dance party on a blue shaggy carpeted bedroom floor and I'll never forget it as long as I live. I am compelled to document it so that when someone asks me when I had that "moment" the one where I knew he was different and special, and that I loved him, I can say definitively: That Sunday afternoon when I was wearing the black sundress and we were making up dance moves like the Ali Baba and dancing until we had to stop because we were laughing (and sweating) so hard. And then we looked into each others eyes and we noticed that both of us had little tears in the corners because we had both felt it, that moment of pure unadulterated joy with one another. And for two people to have a "moment" at exactly the same time, that deserves to be written about because it only happens every once in a great while.

Me

2008-05-30T11:22:00.014-05:00

wow my posting has been light lately...or, you know, virtually non-existent. So I'm at work, it's Friday, and hardly anyone is in so I'm doing what I do most often to keep myself occupied--browsing the quotes on photobucket. Yeah I'm cool. Anyways I decided to do a post describing myself in only said quotes so without further ado...

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Here are two I couldn't find on photobucket
"Summer has snuck up again on me and my giant ass"
"I can hardly wait to see and meticulously judge people at my high school reunion"

and finally, my favorite which has absolutely nothing to do with anything...

Couldn't we have something less conspicuous than hot pink?

2008-05-15T16:13:00.007-05:00

It started with a cute little "skin tag" on my dog Roxies ear, it was no problem a cute little identifying mark even, until... (dun dun dun) through an unfortunate series of events she spent a couple weeks as the most messed up dog ever.

The tail (ha! get it) of Roxies most messed up looking few weeks ever began with the aforementioned "skin-tag" growing and needing to be removed because it was actually a fatty tumor and if we didn't take it off RIGHT THIS SECOND she might lose her ear (or something to that effect). So, good, fine, we schedule the procedure and the vet says she may as well do a dental while Rox is under because though I hate to admit it and am in utter and total denial about this fact- she's no spring chicken. Again we say ok, good, fine (though last time the vet saw her teeth a couple months ago she said, and I quote "her teeth are fine...awwwww they're kinda cute, she looks like she's from West Virginia") Fast forward to the day of doom, it's 6:30, I'm at the office to pick her up and out trudges this pathetic looking, shaved leg, matted hair, bandaged ear dog which after picking my jaw up off the floor I realized was in fact my princess Rox. I swear she looked like she had just fought in a war or wrestled Maggie for the last bite of kibble. I get her to the car and we're riding home, she's still a bit doped up and I'm making small talk, fun times. At one point when we were almost home she turned to pull something out of her hair and growled at herself because she didn't realize that she was the one doing it. So we think the ordeal is over. Messed up hair and some stitches? Eh we can deal with that no problem. But then....

A week later a sore developed on Roxie's side which the vet said was a reaction to the anesthesia. They shaved my beautiful long haired dog's side to drain it. So now she has matted hair, stitched ear, shaved leg (from the iv), shaved side, gaping wound, and then to add insult to injury she cannot lick the wound so she must wear a hot pink foam neck brace (do you hear that noise? that is the sound of me weeping.) Oh yeah and did I mention that a couple days before that she had been sleeping in the driveway under our truck which we had just had rust-proofed and she got black grease all over her white hair and we had to cut it out in big chunks and there was still a little grease left. So just to recap: matted hair, stitched ear, shaved leg, shaved side, gaping wound, hot-pink neck brace, choppy haircut, stained with grease. Then we arrive home and I'm petting her and I feel a new "skin tag", shit! I feel so bad for her that I'm gonna go buy her a pony. What do you think?

Hot pink neck brace-do not want. A pony? yes pleeeeze

My sincere apologies to this poor groundhogs family

2008-05-15T16:00:00.004-05:00

Did I ever tell you about the time my dog Maggie killed a groundhog WHILE SHE WAS TIED UP IN THE YARD? Well she did and she was. Why on Gods green earth a groundhog would walk that close to a dog I will never know but she thought it was some great new robotic toy and only too late did I look out the window and run outside to get her to drop it. And as any responsible pet owner does I took pictures of that poor innocent groundhogs blood on my dog (yes I know I'm going straight to hell), you know just for documentation. Guess who was digging a hole in the back yard and conducting a groundhog funeral that night? (hint: not me).
And now the evidence...

List

2008-05-12T13:20:00.004-05:00

So I've decided to start a list of things that I want to do, just little things that will push me to be a better person, or are something fun that I've always wanted to do. So far I only have five but I will keep updating the list and let you all know how I am progressing.

The list thus far:

1) Read the entire Bible in one year-(in progress, Just bought the one year Bible for women: am already roughly 11 days behind lol)

2) Send a secret to PostSecret

3) Pay the person behind me's toll "just because"

4) Raise money for a shelter animal-DONE this weekend my team and I walked at the Humane Societies Bark in the Park and raised $300 for a shelter dog named Houston who only has three legs and also needs adopted!

5) Stay in a suite at a nice hotel just for fun-DONE last weekend my friend C. and I went to the Sheraton Inn on the river and got a two-story river-view room with a full kitchen, living room one and a half baths and a king size suite. It was soo nice we had big screen plasma tvs all over the place and we relaxed in the huge pool. It was tons of fun and pictures are forthcoming just as soon as I upload all the pictures from my camera.

So there ya have it, 2 out of 5 ain't bad! (yuck! I can't believe I typed the word ain't)

ramble, ramble

2008-05-02T11:46:00.005-05:00

Yeah so it's been awhile. The last few weeks have been a million different kinds of stressful with classes wrapping up and final projects being due and exams to study for. Suffice it to say my anxiety levels have reached some crayzee ass levels and I have not been fun to live with. Nothing much else to report except a couple weeks ago I got my hair cut kind of like Katarzyna on ANTM (my apologies, I couldn't find a pic to link to) and now when I look in the mirror I want to make out with myself cause I like it so much (yuck, even I gagged a little bit writing that).

p.s. I have met yet another guy and things are going pretty well, we're taking it slowly and I will not talk about it for a very long time lest I jinx myself.

Things you never want to hear in a hospital

2008-04-23T12:28:00.002-05:00

My beloved mom has been in the hospital since Monday evening and just got home a few hours ago (not to worry it was a slight intestinal issue and she's fine) and though I only visited her for about an hour yesterday following are a few of the gems that I heard/ heard about while I was there.

My moms new roommate (her third) as she is being wheeled in:
"You know I was feeling really good...until I threw up."

Nurse: "Okay we had to put this lady in your room because her roommate last night didn't sleep at all because she has this thing where she counts to five, out-loud, alll night and day. I'm really sorry."

My moms second roommate to the nurse: "YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAD MONITORS ON AND I TOOK THEM OFF JUST TO SEE IF YOU WOULD NOTICE AND YOU DIDN'T, I COULD HAVE BEEN LYING IN HERE DEAD FOR HOURS!" (apparently she has a habit of doing this)

Second roommate again: "I passed out at 11:30 and no one helped me until 2:00" (excuse me lady but if you pass out you don't know what time it was and how long you were lying there and further more my mom witnessed this "fainting" and it was very unbelievable to say the least. Normally when you pass out you just kind of crumple over this woman screamed and then FLUNG herself back onto the bed...and then kept peeking to see if anyone was coming to "help" her LOL

Loser at life: 22 years and counting

2008-04-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

Gahhh I use this blog to vent more than anything, sorry you all have to experience my mood swings and read about my weirdness but here you go.

So I just started taking birth control two months ago and my dr. prescribed Loestrin 24FE (shout out to Loestrin!!! sorry u suck). The first month there was a bit of spotting in the middle of the month which, hey, its normal for the first month. This month I did not stop bleeding THE WHOLE MONTH (haaa I typed it "munth" at first) until, until I got to the f'ing placebo pills. This is not just "spotting" either it is like crampy, fills a-pad-a-day, bleeding. Sorry if that was TMI, I'm not real good at filtering myself. Anyways yesterday I looked up some info on the pill and it seems that a great many of the people who have been prescribed this had the same problem and say that their cycle never got regulated and eventually they switched. I'm thinking that that sounds pretty good right about now because I feel constantly bloated, my boobs have been non-stop sore, and I have been having some major mood swings ever since I started it. All this to say that all of the above symptoms require a call to the doctor's office. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to make phone calls to offices or anyone I don't know for that matter. I panic and get really self conscious so eventhough I'm bleeding my guts out (okay maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration) I'm hesitant to call the office. Okaaaay "hesitant" doesn't quite describe it-I'm a neurotic basket-case. I have this anxiety and I feel like every freaking task in the whole wide world is insurmountable because I have not yet called my Dr's office. So what do neurotic people with anxiety disorders do when they have to call the Dr.'s office????? They call their motherfucking MOM and have her write a motherfucking SCRIPT of what exactly to say. That is correct I drove my dear, dear, mother so crazy with the constant questioning about "well what do I say when I call" that eventually when I (not even close to) jokingly asked her to type me a script she did. Like a script for a play with the person who answers and what they say and then what I should say. I AM OFFICIALLY AN ABSOLUTE LOSER. That was last week and I finally ended up calling yesterday when I had one pill left (I might have hung up a few times before I actually followed through) and the lady was soooo wonderfully nice that I want to call her everyday just to chat. It was so simple: I called, she took notes, she got the Dr. to change my prescription and give me 3 months worth of samples and BOW! I was done. All of this disgusting blood and birth control talk just to ask: Whyyyyy must I suck so hard at life?????

p.s. thanks to Kate at Sort of grown up for the props in this post.

One year ago

2008-04-16T12:03:00.003-05:00

I cannot believe it's been a year since I wrote this post.
A year since I sat in my dorm room and watched the sickening news unfold. The largest school shooting in Americas history, they said. And today, one year later scarcely a mention of that heartbreaking day. Maybe it's because I have ties to Virginia Tech (as I mentioned before my best friend goes there) or maybe it's because I know that that could have just as easily happened here, but I just want the whole wide world to remember that day and to take time and pray; pray for the families who will never see their loved ones again, pray for the people whose lives were cut short and dreams shattered, pray for those who witnessed it and will forever remember the terrible images they saw that day, and if you don't pray just please take a moment to remember, give those who were lost a moment to come back to this earth, if only through your remembrance. And then when you're all done with that take a moment to be thankful for all the people that are in your life.

Congrats little cuz

2008-04-15T19:38:00.004-05:00

I had another post almost completely typed and ready to post but due to some late breaking news here at The Days of My Life it will have to wait. My little cousin (I think that's how I'll always think of her) is ENGAGED!!!!! Not only is she engaged but she asked me to be in her wedding next summer. Soooo congrats to her and now I must begin the diet so I can look decent in a dress by next summer! I guess this is what her older sister and I get for always telling her she couldn't play with us because she was too young lol

Do not read if a great deal of profanity and name calling offends you

2008-04-07T12:51:00.004-05:00

Okay so I only have about 15 minutes left at work so this may be jumbled and rushed but I MUST rant.

Dear my best-friends ex-boyfriend/whatever the hell you were since you acted like you were with her but refused to even call her your girlfriend cause you're too fucking immature and a loser who will never amount to anything in life,

You are a motherfucking scumbag of a human being. You do not lead someone on for nearly 3 YEARS all the while dating around behind her back and waiting for someone else to come along. You are so mentally and psychologically immature that you are incapable of forming a relationship that even remotely constitutes normal human interactions. I met you once and you were a complete and total douche bag, dragging her to your room and leaving me alone in the fucking living room like you had something to prove. You and I both know you are an asshole but she didn't and I was hoping against hope that I was wrong, but I'm an extremely accurate judge of character most of the time and this time was no exception. You knew how she felt about you, she told you all the time, but instead of being a real man and admitting that you didn't have the same feelings you used her and then discarded her like trash. YOU ARE AN IMMATURE PATHETIC DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. I have listened to her cry, heard her analyze every syllable of every word you uttered, and received ecstatic voice mails because you sent a text that said something as basic as miss u. You lit up her life, and while I'm glad she didn't end up staying with you I am pissed that you proved me right. Grow the fuck up dick-wad.

Two peas in a pod

2008-04-06T21:38:00.007-05:00

Just dropping in to say I made it back from Virginia (a week ago already!) and I had a wonderful weekend, pictures and stories to follow but I've been too busy enjoying the awesome weather to blog. So here, look, aren't my dog and I two peas in a pod?

Also, people say my mother and I look alike, whaddya think?

Leavin on a jet plane (read: my car)

2008-03-26T10:18:00.002-05:00

So as of tomorrow afternoon I'm off to Virginia for a weekend with the B.F.F. It should be tons of fun, we have an appointment at the spa on Saturday and then Saturday night I'm her date to some formal dance. I'll be back Sunday night but probably too exhausted from all the fun to write, so have fun kids and behave!

I want a hippopotamus for anytime

2008-03-24T18:31:00.008-05:00

So I don't think I have ever discussed my intense love of hippo's on this blog. Anyone who knows me at all in "real life" knows that the hippopotamus is my all time favorite animal and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was young and my grandparents used to take me and my cousins to the zoo we would always save the hippos for last or else I would stand there all freaking day long watching them wiggle their adorable ears and watching their ginormous nostrils suck in as they go under water for a nap. I also liked them because they were mysterious and oftentimes elusive. There was no guarantee that that hippo right there would come up out of the water long enough for you to even see it because they can hold their breath for like 20 years. There is a part of me today that just wants to run to the zoo everyday and watch those hippos because they're so damn cute but instead I settle for the occasional Discovery Channel special. My love of hippo's is so well known in fact that I have uploaded pictures of my birthday gifts from some of my closest friends (I think you'll notice a central theme).

Yes I realize that the above picture is a bit dark but you still get the picture. They are cards that were made by my best friend S. from Virginia and there are 22 of them (one for each year of my life) that say "I (heart) Hippos" Is that not awesome??????

A stuffed hippo from my friend C. (I must confess when I got it I made it's ears wiggle lol)

And this, my friends, takes the cake. It was a simple hippo bank from the dollar section, cute enough in and of itself but my friend C. is a creative freakin genius and she painted my name and some designs on it and then just to make my heart explode and drip out onto the carpet she gave the hippo lips and little tiny eyelashes. I love her and I love this little bank. Gifts like this are what birthdays are all about not big expensive crap because those hippo lips and eyelashes??? They make me happier than any gift card ever could.

So fast forward to today when I walked into my favorite store ever and in the dollar section I spot......

This

And.....

This rug.

They were both in the dollar section which was marked half off and that was the last hippo rug left. I ran over to it, swept it off the shelf, and looked around as if someone was going to come try and fight me for it (and trust me I was damn ready to take them out). As I was checking out the cashier told me how cute it was and I smiled a little to myself and thanked her, little did she know what a heartless bitch she was dealing with because as soon as I got out to my car I sent my friend C. a text message that said "There's probably some hippo themed kids room with a cold bare floor because of me and all I can say to that kid is SUCK IT cause I got the last hippo rug!!!"

Happy St. Patricks Day!

2008-03-17T12:49:00.001-05:00

Have fun celebrating and be safe!!!!!

This would be Maggie if she lived somewhere where she could be trusted to run free

2008-03-14T22:00:00.002-05:00

My mom sent me the link to this. It's really cute but how does that dog breathe?

Me and Chelsea: BFF's

2008-03-10T12:04:00.006-05:00

So I forgot to tell you about this one time a couple weeks ago when I met Chelsea Clinton. She's much prettier than she was when she was the first daughter and was very well-spoken. I am still absolutely floored that anyone even remotely famous in any way would come to my school because that just doesn't happen. We are like the lepers of our county, we don't get outside visitors ever. Apparently we're moving up in the world, that or Hillary really wanted to win Ohio (I'm pretty sure it's the latter) regardless, it was fun and I do have a picture of me and her but I must warn you that it is BAD. In all caps and bold kinds of bad. I will not defend myself for going out in public looking like that, there is no excuse (plus why the heck is the camera zoomed in so much?) And also my pirate eye and triple chin-they suck some major ass. But hey I can't look perfect all the time (or ever).

p.s. Even after all this I still didn't vote for your mom, sorry Chelse-meister hopefully we're still BFF's

p.p.s. No I did not shave my head I had it back in a ponytail with a headband in and apparently it just frizzed the heck out (I'm so embarrassed, blush)

As the news channels were calling it "The Weekend Wollop"

2008-03-09T14:30:00.009-05:00

Those of you who watch the news may have seen that Ohio was hit with a huge ass snowstorm this weekend. As luck would have it I live in Ohio. The roads in my county and several others were shut down and we were only allowed to be out if it was an emergency (I have no idea how they would know that or not but my friend C suggested that "they just look deep in your eyes and know" lol) So I was home bound all weekend and I'll tell you the story in pictures:

The snow-there was a bunch of it

The snow in relation to Maggie (keep in mind that she is huge-about 75 pounds- and when sitting comes up to about my mid thigh.)

A lot of freakin snow:

But it's all okay because we have this:

And these:

The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole

2008-03-07T14:07:00.000-05:00

This is the story of The Big White Dog and The Little Helpless Mole.

Cast (It's all-star, let me tell you):
The Big White Dog: My dog Maggie (who is, convenient to the plot, both big and white)

The Little Helpless Mole: Hmm how about a random mole from my backyard?

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: Yours truly

Setting: A nice, albeit snow covered, backyard much like my own.

Scene 1: (The scene opens with a big white dog (perhaps a white german shepherd husky mix, even) tied out in the backyard for her afternoon frolic in the snow)

The Big White Dog: (Frolic, frolic) Hmm this snow is really great today, it's as high as my belly but my owner has so very thoughtfully shoveled a section so that when I get tired I can take a rest. (Frolic, frolic, roll in shit, frolic) You know what I think??? I think the proper thing to do when your owner is so thoughtful as mine is to sniff around for an animal to "play with*"
*where play with in this particular piece means to throw into the air repeatedly until The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole catches me and runs, in socks, through the snow, screaming fuuuuuck the whole way down the hill, to scoop The Little Helpless Mole out of my death grip with a shovel.

The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog and would-be savior of The Little Helpless Mole: "Oh shit Maggie what did you do?" (Looks down and notices that LHM is propelling itself forward with its front arms but everything from mid-back down is just dragging behind) So like any thoughtful human being would do she got a towel and a cardboard box and put it inside but left it outside because she is semi-intelligent when it comes to animal rescues (having participated in many) and knows that if it goes into the warm house it will perish of shock.

The Big White Dog: Gives a quizzical look and wonders: Where did my toy go?? Why is she putting my toy in a box??? Do I get to unwrap it like a gift?? Oh Happy Day!!!!!

The Little Helpless Mole: Alas I have been saved from the clutches of the Big White Dog and The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog has done a good job of trying to save me and my cute squinty eyes and little quivering nose but it was all for nought because now I will die in this box with my adorable little buck-teeth sticking out.

The End

Epilogue:
The Little Helpless Mole was lovingly placed at the base of a large tree so that Mr. Fox would have dinner for the cold night that lie ahead. The circle of life must persist.
The mother of The Concerned Owner of The Big White Dog arrives home to ask if her daughter has walked "The Murderer" yet.

Patience is a virtue, or so they say

2008-03-05T13:29:00.002-05:00

I have a buttload of free time at work today so instead of doing my homework or something else that might save me time later I've been sitting here for the past three and a half hours surfing the great internet and thinking. Baaaaaaad idea. BIG.FAT.BAD.IDEA

You see, I'm the kind of person who cannot have too much down time or I start to think too much and then the crayzeeness-it comes. I have ended yet another pointless, going nowhere relationship and truthfully, I'm okay with that, that's not what I'm all whiney and contemplative about. What I am "all whiney and contemplative" about however is why there is soooo much freakin emphasis put on relationships. I mean for crying out loud I am still young, just barely 22 and I feel like an old maid because all of my peers are getting married, buying houses, and having children. I can barely take care of my car and it's demands let alone sustain an intimate relationship with someone else, pay a mortgage, and take responsibility for a whole nother life. And while I know that I am making the right choice for myself by waiting for these things and focusing on school and a future career it does not change the fact that my greatest dream in life is to be a mother and a wife (eww I just gagged on that one a bit because I hate it when people say shit like that). I just want that one special person that I can settle down and share everything and build a life with but guess what???? I'm not ready for that yet and I feel like a fool even whining about it because I know I'm not ready yet.

So what, you may ask, is the problem??? Well it all boils down to this, while I know I personally am not ready for all of that yet I'm scared that by the time I am ready I will have missed my chance. But then I feel stupid even typing that because I am still so young. Oh it's a double edged sword this young adulthood thing is. For fucks sake I just wish my attitude would be consistent because some days I'm all "Hell yeah I'm single and young and unattached and this is how it's supposed to be for a while, live it up and enjoy it!!!" and other times it's like "Why don't I have a house with a picket fence and a husband and 2.2 kids and a golden retriever to go home to? I'm a failure at life!" And my personal answer as to why I do not have the latter is because I am not ready and furthermore I will not settle for someone I semi-like, I will wait for the "one" the one who takes my breath away and is all that I know I deserve. So cheers to all the girls who are waiting for what you want and deserve (whatever that may be)!!!!

1 year old!

2008-02-27T13:07:00.004-05:00

Happy blog-iversary to you
Happy blog-iversary to you
Happy blog-iversary to nicole-thedaysofmylife.blogspot.commmmm
Happy blog-iversary to youuuuuuu

And many more....

My dad (a devoutly religious man) would punch me if he read this entry

2008-02-26T23:23:00.006-05:00

As I was surfing the Internet I stumbled across this

I have to say after watching it and reading some of the reports beneath it I am pretty disgusted. People are acting as though being Muslim equates to being a racist, disrespectful, inconsiderate, terrorist. Let me just say: no. There are extremists in every religion and I really just wish people would stop wasting time believing in and putting emphasis on stereotypes. I don't know a great deal about the Muslim faith nor do I purport to however I am a firm believer in freedom of religion which is one of the great rights of being in America. I guess what I'm saying is I wish people would not answer questions such as the one asked in that clip by vehemently denying that they are of one faith (in this case Muslim) and making it seem as though it is something wrong. The answer should be a simple no and not a "No I am absolutely not a Muslim, I am a Christian, and I was sworn in on the BIBLE" making it seem as though Christianity is the only acceptable religion. Those e-mails were meant to play into prejudices and by answering questions in that manner I feel that it just re-inforces said prejudices.

Oh and also this has nothing to do with who I do or do not support in the election it was simply a solid example of a phenomenon I have been noticing for quite some time now and it does not mean I think anything of Barack Obama one way or another.
So put that in your juice box and suck it all you people who like to make controversy!!!! :)

Reasons I will have to eventually move out of my moms house

2008-02-25T22:34:00.006-05:00

This post is in honor of my 22nd birthday (a week ago tomorrow).

Carrying a really big bag so I can sneak out alcohol to drink in the car right before the club so I don't have to spend so much money on their drinks is getting really old. I mean she knows I have it, the fucker is clinking and clanking all the way down the stairs why can't I just have the nerve to carry it out right in front of her face??? Dunno but I just can't do it.

Having to listen to the phrases "no drinking and driving, no riding with anyone who has been drinking and is driving, AND USE PROTECTION!!!!" is all fine and dandy but now I'm starting to hear it two and three times before I leave and it's said IN ALL CAPS regardless of where we are or who's around.

Calling my mom in the middle of the night while at a club and ever so slighty under the influence to tell her "THANK YOU FOR GIVING BIRTH TO ME, I'M A GREAT GIFT TO THE WORLD and also that time that I said I might be home??? Well I'll be about a day late so don't worry." does not make me look like I'm "kinda a big deal" like I was telling everyone I was.

And the number one reason is...

So that when I wake up after a night out I don't have to ask my mom to borrow a turtleneck and listen to her exclaim "Eww look at those suckerbites, it's like a dog marking its territory"

Love you mommy, and while this arrangement is working out fine for now in a few years some of those things may be just a little bit awkward, believe it or not.

p.s. Let it be said that my mom knows all of the stupid shit I do (well most of it) but we feel some need to do the mother daughter charade where we both pretend I'm still semi-innocent. She is by no means uptight and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

Welcome baby Abby!!!

2008-02-11T21:12:00.002-05:00

In all my drunken story telling I forgot to mention that my awesome friend C's niece just had a baby on Saturday morning at 3:08 a.m. She was 9 lbs 3oz 21 inches long and she is absolutely adorably perfect in every way. So cute, in fact, that my uterus is aching as we speak. Congrats!

young + drunk = stupidity and destruction

2008-02-11T12:44:00.000-05:00

You know how when you're young there's this innate tendency to get drunk and do stupid (and quite possibly destructive) shit??? Well that's the story of my weekend, you'll laugh, you'll cry, this story will become a part of you. I like to call it "making an ass out of yourself in front of many people including the security guard in the mall parking lot at 3 a.m." and it goes a little something like this:

Friday morning I texted my friend on the way to class and only half jokingly said "I wanna get drunk and be someone" fast forward to that evening when she asks if I really do want to go get drunk and since I have nothing better to do then sit at home folding socks I reply with a "hell yes!" So shes at a dinner party for work but she says she'll call when she's finished so that we can hit the bar. I wait, and wait, and wait for the call to go pick her up and it doesn't come so with 15 minutes left before our favorite Mexican restaurant closes I sprint in and ask for a big daddy gold margarita on the rocks...to go (it's a mexican restaurant they do shit like that because they're crazy lol) I pick up my b.f. and he starts driving so that I can enjoy my huuuuge margarita which is in a styrofoam cup so I'm chugging away and I get the call from my friend. My b.f. drives to the place and I text her and tell her we're there. She doesnt come out for awhile and when she does she tells me she won a four piece luggage set in the raffle and needs help getting it to the car because she is already tres shitfaced. We go inside and forget all about the luggage and my boyfriend who is patiently waiting in the car and we start to bust a move on the dance floor (mind you I have no idea who these people are and I am waaaay underdressed) so finally the last song is played and after a brief talk with the old ass dj named "Larry" and me lecturing him about how he has a wife and needs to stop being so flirtatious we finally leave. Oh yeah somewhere in there I ran out to the car real quick and asked the b.f. to run next door and buy the strongest liquor he could find cause I needed to be DRUNK! So we get in the car and head to the bar across the street, before we go in I drink a little black cherry vodka out of the bottle and head in (still only slightly tipsy). At this point the last thing I remember is ordering some drinks and telling the bartender that he had "such nice, nice, teeth" LOL So we drink and talk and drink and talk. The b.f. leaves and the b.f. comes back and finally it's time to go home, this is where things get interesting. I remember being super hungry and begging to go to taco bell while cuddled up with my friend in the backseat and next thing you know we're there. I am screeeeeeaming our order to my boyfriend while we're still waiting in the drive through line "WE NEEEEEED FIVE CRUNCHY TACOS, FIVE CHALUPAS, AND OHHH OHHH WE NEEEEEEEED CINNAMON TWISTS" then my friend pipes up with "and a bean burrito" My b.f. said "NO CINNAMON TWISTS YOU GUYS ARE PISSING ME OFF" as if it were some kind of punishment lol Next thing I know we're smearing taco drippings all over each others chests and shirts and only getting about half of the five chalupas and five crunchy tacos in our mouths lol. Then for the rest of the ride I go blank again and the next thing I remember is my boyfriend pulling into the mall parking lot by Sears (about 5 minutes from his house) and saying something about how we need to sit here and calm down because we can't be yelling and acting like this when we get to his apartment because people are trying to sleep. So we keep acting like fools so he locks the doors takes the keys and walks away. In all actuality he probably just walked a few feet away and was still watching us but to us we were stranded in the middle of a frozen tundra and our survival depended on us trekking across the many parking lots, down the street and to my bf's apartment. So we actually make up a checklist before we get out of the car "phone? check. water? check. Shoes? Shit I gotta put em on etc. etc. Then we lock the doors, knowing that we can't get back in b/c we don't have the keys. It was a symbolic gesture that sealed our committment to walk to his apartment because "we don't need a damn guy, we're scavengers" (what can I say it sounded right at the time) We make it about 10 feet and my friend says she can't take walking in heals so she balances her foot on the bumper of a parked semi and I bend to unbuckle them and she gets them off after about five minutes. We then walk another 10 or so feet when we see the most glorious thing ever...a shopping cart!!!! I sprint to it and bring it back to my friend exclaiming that "This will save us!!! We can put all of our goods into this cart and if we get tired we can push one another!" It just so happens that she is already tired so I tell her to jump in. At this point my bf reappears and tries to get us to go back to the car but we link arms and start mumbling to one another about "just ignoring that traitor, he left two girls alone in a dark, shady parking lot at night, we don't need him" Unfortunately she can't climb up and get in the cart so I demonstrate for her by just climbing over the edge and sitting down inside and tell her to do the same (mind you she is in a very nice dinner dress) so she decides that she needs a boost and climbs on the cement block that is on the bottom of a light post and somehow (though I'm not entirely sure how) gets in but tells me to be very very careful and not tip her over. I told her I loved her and that I would never let that happen and during all this security has driven past about two or three times. I tell her to "act normal because we cannot get arrested tonight. So keeping with the theme of acting normal I decide that it would be a great idea to start fucking SPRINTING. Guess what happened, go ahead just guess????? No we did not get arrested. Yes the cart did tip over sending her flying onto her back and me rolling to the ground where the cart landed on top of me. She's crying halfheartedly and I throw the cart off of me and stand up real quick and dust myself off like nothing happened. At this point I the bf asks if we're okay and my friend yells "THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT US HERE NOW GO GET THE G*%DAMNED CAR!" As he's walking to the car I see security going in that direction but I'm tending to my friend so I pay no attention because honestly they just witnessed that whole thing and if they're not going to even confront us then they can go get whoever the hell else they want (even if it is my boyfriend) but alas a couple minutes later and he's there with the car. Getting to our respective places is a blur and the last thing I remember is trying to drink a sip of water and spilling it all over my face and the bf's bed. The next morning I awake with a chuckle and curiously ask the bf what happened with the security guard. Apparently he approached my bf and asked "Are they with you?" to which he replied "Unfortunately they are" and the security guy just laughed and drove off. I called my friend and we laughed about that until we almost cried. Then I spent the rest of the day answering calls from the people I drunk dialed asking how I was feeling lol Oh man what a trainwreck we were, normally when I drink i don't drink enough to get that out of control but it was just one of those nights where I knew I needed it and I knew I had someone to semi-take care of me. Unfortunately, however, when my friend fell in the parkinglot she must have gotten tar on her coat and suffice it to say my backseat is pretty much ruined. Anyone have any good remedies for getting tar and taco droppings out of upholstery? Ahh well whats one destroyed backseat for a night of drunken hilarity, the memories of which will make you laugh everytime you see an abandoned cart in a mall parking lot?

A la folie..pas du tout (He loves me, he loves me not)

2008-02-07T23:40:00.000-05:00

Okay so this movie is basically amazing and I highly recommend it. It gets a double bonus because it actually made me excited to go to French class for once in my life! I loooove Audrey Tautou (she also plays in Amelie). Also I am so proud that I watched the entire movie in French with French subtitles and managed to understand it!!!!! woo hoo now if only I could go back to Paris (I visited once, when I graduated high school and it was pretty much a-freakin-mazing).

Also my blog-iversary is coming up, I cannot believe it's been a year of my incoherent babbling. Anyone who's reading (regularly or otherwise)feel free to ask me any questions in the comments and I'll answer them on my blogs birthday!

"Random" maybe this is one for the blog of uneccessary quotation marks

2008-02-06T13:55:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post before I go to class to say that I am still alive and also over half of my posts are labeled "random" so does the fact that they are the majority of my posts negate the randomness?

Mai drawin skillz, let mi show u dem

2008-01-28T23:04:00.000-05:00

What's that you ask? Well since its not such a good depiction of events I suppose I'll write the abbreviated story to go along with the above drawing. It goes a little something like this: Maggie got loose, rolled in something (presumably shit by the smell of her), and needed a bath. I called the place that rhymes with SmetSmart and made an appointment and in she went. 2 hours later I get the call that she's done and arrive to find a dog that smells like sunshine, rainbows, flowers, puppies, kittens, basically all things good in this world. I am happily ready to take my dog and leave until the groomer informs me that that black eye that she's sporting??? "THAT TERRIBLE DOG DID IT". I look around and unfortunately we are the only ones in there...oh crap. Next there was some babble babble about how Maggie is terrified of water and never in her 25 years of grooming has she seen a dog so terrified of water but then I'm forced to burst her bubble and tell her that this sparkly clean dog right here???? She goes to the lake and swims almost daily in the summer, she rides on our boat, she jumped off a boardwalk into water, and she has had several baths at this particular place before without incident thus diminishing any credibility that mean dog groomer had. Furthermore why the fuck was your face so close to my damn dog lady??? HUH? Were you trying to stare her in the eye?? So anyways I just kinda nodded my head and acted like I cared and then crept out. This combined with past questionable service has convinced me that I will not be returning to their establishment for bathing/grooming purposes but damn almighty will I miss the scent of that awesome shampoo!

Oh and in case you need a photo to remind you of what Maggie actually looks like in real life your wish is my command:

Very similar to the drawing no?

How fitting is this?

2008-01-25T13:27:00.001-05:00

At the exact moment my first loves wife was giving birth to his child I was starting my period.

p.s. another post will be forthcoming later today although I can't promise it will be any better :)

Class of 2004: redifining pathetic

2008-01-14T13:31:00.000-05:00

I'm about 45 minutes away from going to my first class of the spring semester, after that vacation is officially over :( bummer. Right now I'm at work not working but instead looking up people I graduated with on Myspace. The people I graduated with make me cringe. They have no goals other than getting drunk, smoking pot, and (for the girls) finding men to knock them up. Where is the ambition? Why don't these people want anything for themselves? I mean seriously for some of them the crowning achievement of their life would be getting on disability so they don't have to work. It is sad, there are so few of us who are making anything out of ourselves. Now I'll step down off my soapbox and get to class. Also, I cringe to think about how these people will look at our 10 year reunion.

I'm on the beach (the south beach that is)

2008-01-11T13:09:00.000-05:00

Oh man where did the holiday break go??? It's back to classes for me on Monday :( On a brighter note I have been doing phase one of the South Beach Diet (yes it now deserves proper capitalization) for 9 and a half days and upon last check (yesterday) have lost 11 lbs!!!! It was sooo hard at first but right as my fourteen days are drawing to a close I have started to get used to it. Hopefully this will lay a good foundation for a more balanced and healthy diet when phase one is over! Okay enough boring diet talk on to other stuff like ummmmmmmmmmm............. how my family was out to dinner on Sunday night and V said she didn't feel good and got up to go to the bathroom and halfway there vomited and passed out. I don't mean fell gracefully to the floor I mean face first straight down sprawled on the floor. She is absolutely never sick so this was an emergency. The people at the restaurant called 911 and they came; V was kinda in and out of consciousness but breathing and after an agonizing assessment the paramedics said that all her stats checked out and it was probably just sudden onset flu and that's "just how it hits these days." Well my mom has taken classes in the medical field and decided to take V to the brand new 24 hour emergency center/hospital that they had just built right behind the restaurant which coincidentally happens to also be the hospital that my mom works for(what luck huh?) Turns out they couldn't get blood because she was dehydrated so they're treating it like the flu but gave her some stuff for the stomach pain she said she'd been having and told her to make an appointment at the doctor. She made said appointment and guess what? It was not, in fact, sudden onset flu but more than likely her gall bladder (we'll find out for sure today or Monday) so now I can stop incessantly scrubbing everything that she has ever touched. I do not do well with anything medical (I am deathly afraid of hospitals, doctors offices, and anything to do with unwellness) but somehow I managed to not pass out right there with her and instead sit with my grandpa while my mom helped V and then drive her puke soaked pathetic looking self to the hospital. I am proud of me and uber (I once promised myself that I would never use that expression cause I hate it so much) glad that V is okay aside from some indigestion and a possible surgery looming in her future.

Oh yeah and that reminds me (though I'm not entirely sure why) I had the weirdest dreams last night, I dreamt that me and my cousins went to Sea World and got to feed snow peas to Shamu and friends and they went crazy and loved us and let us pet them and waved to us and did all their cute little whale-y tricks. Then my cousins ditched me and my mom and v came and I wanted to show them the wondrous snow pea tricks except there was a huge crowd and we couldn't break through. Then finally some employee thought that my mom was a zoologist and took me to the front of the line but not my mom so it was pointless. Weird huh?

Also I've had two dreams in the past month about someone trying to take my dog Maggie away from me. In the first one my mom is prying her from my death grip trying to take her to the pound and my face is buried in her hair and shes all tear and snot soaked because I'm crying and yelling hysterically and then in the next one some guy has Maggie lined up and he tells me that if he shoots her I can get a brand new dog and I feel a surge of excitement about the new dog but then I realize that he's going to fucking shoot Maggie so I run and push her out of the way and we leave; a girl and her dog. Then last night as I was talking to my mom she told me "Nicole, if something ever happens to V I will have to find a home for Maggie."

WHAT???? My family is not the type that ever part with pets (until they're dead of course) we're not the type to get a dog and decide hmmm she's just not working out lets find her a new home oh no no no we work through the problems and give all our adopted babies a forever home regardless of how disobedient they may be at times. So with that in mind my jaw hit the floor. I mean I know my mom doesn't have the time or the energy to exercise her the way she needs to be exercised (oh cheese and rice does she need to be exercised) but dude! no. never happening. So if my moms partner V kicks it I will be set to inherit one high-strung but amazing white german shepherd huskie mix. And thus, I believe, the reason for the dreams.

Sorry for the long mish-mash post and God bless you if you made it all the way through. And coming up in the next post: Why my dad uttered the words "Inter-racial dating will result in the utter destruction of society." (smacks forehead)

A New Year = New Ramblings

2008-01-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

So it's been like a million years since my last post. Not much to report, the holidays were lovely I got to spend time with my best friend and her family while they were visiting from Virginia and I got to spend lots of quality time with my family as well. For Christmas I got a few gift cards (I got the rest when I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving) and a new i-pod nano from the guy I've been seeing (is it too soon for that???? or do we just like to give good gifts because I totally got him a cell phone) But the greatest gift of all was from my bestest; it's called "Henry the talking gnome" and you press it's foot to record a saying and then press it's hand and it repeats it in a high-pitched gnome voice. There have been hours of entertainment had already. An added bonus is that it's really hard for someone to be mad at you when your voice is coming out of a stuffed gnome. And she also bought me a hardcover copy of the book Frog and Toad Together with an inscription about how much like them we are (tear) and she even read me the story where they bake the cookies and try really hard not to eat them all (so totally us) Oh how I love that girl! Also, I saw pictures of our vacation house online (I go on vacation with her and her family every summer to the Outer Banks) and all I can say is WOW!!! It sleeps 26, has a pool and hot tub, a game room, an elevator, an exercise room, annnnnd wait for it.......a theatre room with theatre seating and a movie projector; yesssssssss. I think it also said something about a poolside bar but I'm not sure so needless to say I am crazy excited for June to roll around. And because June will be rolling around so soon I have also started the South Beach Diet. For anyone out there who thinks it's a good idea, it's not. I mean yes the weight is coming off but for the first two weeks you cannot have carbs, fruit, alcohol (duh), or basically anything sweet and you are also limited on your dairy choices so suffice it to say I AM SOOO HUNGRY since I have no carbs to give me that full feeling and also as a side note I HATE VEGETABLES. Every time I think of the make-shift stir-fry my mom made for me last night a little bit of throw-up comes up. Anyways enough about that I can officially eat healthy carbs again in 7 days!!!! Whooo Hooo. That's about it for now but hopefully I'll upload some pictures in the near future.

I have no words for this one

2007-12-18T13:41:00.000-05:00

Dude I'm trying really hard not to break down crying at my desk while I write this. Let me begin by saying I SUCK AT LIFE. That pretty much sums up everything that follows so save yourself and just stop reading there. I referenced the breakup of me and my now ex a few days ago here. It is so hard for me to write about this shit on here because I just babble incoherently until I get so sick of myself that I just end the post and go slap myself (okay so not really but you get the point.) Well anyways we have been keeping in touch and despite what he thinks I truly do care about him and miss him. One night he called when I was out for drinks with another guy and I made the mistake of answering and it was all over, he was mega pissed and also waaay upset. He was so hurt and I felt so guilty b/c we had just ended it and I was already out with someone else. I didn't want him to feel like I ditched him for the next best thing because that was not the case. I wish things could work out between us but the hardest thing is loving someone so much that you can admit that it can't work and then let that person go so that they can be truly happy. Right? That's what I thought except apparently he thought we were truly happy. He didn't believe all those phone calls telling him that I felt we were growing apart and I sensed him pulling away. He didn't believe me when I told him I was starting to dream about other guys and it scared me. He didn't listen when I tried to tell him about my day. But apparently all that went unnoticed because I found out last night that he had bought an engagement ring for me three months ago and was going to surprise me on Christmas. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Whaaaaaat?????? Absolutely did not see that coming. And I also didn't realize I would want it so much while at the same time knowing I can't have it. I feel like such a bitch for just saying "this isn't working" and being out with another guy a few nights later when he was apparently thinking things were waaaaaay more serious. He is such a great guy, I cannot say that enough, but we just don't work as a couple. But now I'm sitting here thinking about how much I hurt him and I feel like the biggest scumbag on this planet. Not to mention that I could have been fucking engaged on Christmas!!! WTF???? Perhaps you don't understand the magnitude of this let me lay it out for you :this guy could never fully get his shit together and come to find out he got his shit together and I lost my shit. And with that I can officially say I suck at life and at metaphors.

Schooooools out for Christmas

2007-12-12T13:57:00.000-05:00

Finished my last final yesterday whooo hooo!!! Now I have one month and two days off, thank goodness. Although in retrospect this semester wasn't nearly as tough as some of my past ones. Thats all for now, I'm too busy celebrating to say anything insightful!

No more free handouts

2007-12-09T15:48:00.001-05:00

One of my mom's all time favorite quotes is "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" from Eleanor Roosevelt. I was just talking with a friend and thinking about it and that is so very very true. No one has the power to make you feel bad unless you give it to them. At what point did handing over that power become virtually unconscious and how can I take it back? Then I thought even deeper about how the majority of the world's problems are due to us projecting our insecurities onto others either intentionally or unintentionally. I'll give an example from my life that I have tried to side-step and deny but I know its true and hopefully by acknowledging it I will be able to work at correcting it. The theme of my life, if you will, is being lonely. I am terrified of it and will do almost anything to make sure that it does not happen. Sometimes that involves being a major jackass and latching onto someone only until I find someone better. Please don't judge me I know its wrong and makes me sound like a cold hearted bitch but I'm being honest and doing soul searching here okay? So I will no longer be handing out to people the power to make me feel bad and furthermore I will look deep inside myself and overcome my insecurities so that even if the whole world can't be a better place at least my little corner of it can be.

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with

2007-12-07T13:16:00.000-05:00

Following is a copy of the message I sent to the now ex boyfriend. Don't really want to talk about it right now except to say that we were broken up before (again too lazy to link) but this time it is more definite, more final. I feel like shit but I didn't do it to hurt him. It sucks to love someone and know that you have to let them go because they're just not right for you.

Hey, I just wanted to say hi and that I know you don't believe me and I know you don't want to talk to me but I truly do care about you. You are a great person, just not the right one for me. You will make some girl very very happy and though I will always feel just a little bit jealous I will be happy for you. I don't want you to hate me but I understand why you're pushing me away, it was never my intention to hurt you, I was lonely and I couldn't wait forever. It's not that I don't understand your life, because I do, it's just that it's not the life I want for myself. I will never ever forget you even though you say you'll forget me I know that's not true. What we had was so special and I still miss it everyday but what were my choices?? Wait for months or years until you were ready to pay attention to me?? I can't do that anymore, life's too short to wait around. If you don't have time for me now then you don't deserve my time later. I know you're just being mean to me out of anger but I really hope that someday soon we can be close friends because I miss you. I miss your smile and your accent and the way you make me laugh, I miss the nighttime "flashlight shows" you did on the ceiling, I miss the comfort of laying in your bed and staring at the ceiling, I miss our stupid little arguments and I miss feeling proud of you when you learn something new. Please don't throw everything away, I still want to be close to you as a friend. If that can't happen right now I understand but hopefully it can happen someday.
I did not mean to hurt you and I am sooo sooo sorry that it came to that but always remember me and all the fun that we had.
All my love,
Nicole

Why I am still recovering from "the day of rest" aka Sunday

2007-12-07T00:35:00.000-05:00

That would be a pool table covered with paper with a sample of our homemade cookies on top

More cookies

Each year my family gets together and we bake and decorate homemade sugar cookies. This year we baked about 50 dozen. Picture all of the cookies above plus about three other tables in the other room. Its a lot of work but also a lot of fun and each family gets to take home about 4 dozen. So that is why I'm being lazy as hell (or it could just be an excuse, guess you'll never know).

Oh yeah and remember when I mentioned the calendar we were making of Roxie (I'm too lazy to link to that entry right now) for my grandpa? We sent the pictures off today so we should have it before Christmas yea! Glad that headache is over with, it took us almost 2 hours at CVS getting everything sorted out.

I promise to get back to writing more substantial and meaningful posts soon but for right now can I interest you in my favorite distraction: adorable dog photos (taken with the camera I stood in line for for 2 freezing hours which I heart very very much)!!!!

p.s. please excuse Maggies lady parts in the last photo, we're working on teaching her modesty lol

What the hell are they smoking when they make the fortunes for the fortune cookies?

2007-12-05T13:02:00.000-05:00

My friend C's fortune cookie fortune:

"You'll meet your big cheese today"

All I want for Christmas is my teeth falling out dreams to stop!

2007-11-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

I'm such a slacker but I'm not starting yet another post with how I forgot to/why I didn't write (oops I guess I just did. Oh well.) Turkey Day was lovely if not slightly boring and the day after was spectacular though tiring as always. I started shopping at about 11:00 Thanksgiving night at an outlet mall near my house that was having some midnight madness sale. I didn't buy much there but I looove being out and about with the throngs of people and making memories with friends. This year I went with my friend C and her sister and niece, it was great. We were in line at Target by 4 a.m. and when they opened at six we shopped so quickly that we were out of there and at home in bed by 6:45, Score!!!!! I got a new digital camera, a video camera (you know what that means people, videos!!!! so now you can also hear my annoying voice along with reading my annoying writing) and a couple dvd's. Those were my Christmas presents from my mom so now I need to start shopping for other people! I bought some fabric and have been making some really cute pillowcases, think that would be a lame gift? At any rate I better get back to "work" now.
p.s. I had yet another tooth falling out dream except this time it wiggled first and then I just spit it out. It was my canine tooth but for some reason it was towards the back of my mouth and I distinctly remember thinking in my dream "maybe it's from all the stress my body has been under lately" Hmmm think my subconscious is telling me to shape up?

The UV rays probably fried her brain but it's okay because she wears lotion on her face

2007-11-19T21:11:00.001-05:00

Just taking a break from homework to say that I tried a water aerobics class tonight and it kicked my ass! It feels all fine and easy when you're in the water but when you get out damn! It feels like gravity is gonna suck you right into the earth's core. Anyways while I was changing in the locker room I heard one of the stupidest comments ever.

Girl 1: I had bubbles around my eyes after I went tanning the other day.
Girl 2: Oh, that can be a sign of skin cancer.
Girl 1: I know that's why I always wear lotion or something on my face and I don't wash my face before I go tanning.

Okay is it just me or is that stupid as hell. Yes you put lotion on your face in the morning (most lotions only have like an SPF of 15) which is probably worn off by the time you tan and even if your face is protected (which it obviously wasn't)what about the rest of your body???????? Am I missing something here?

Happy 100th post to me

2007-11-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

Still havin a kinda blah day blah blah blah feeling sorry for myself etc. But on a more exciting note yesterday was my 100th post, yea me!!!!! I honestly thought that this would go by the wayside after a couple posts but I'm truly glad it hasn't!!!

We both know that I could think myself dizzy, right now I'm spinning around

2007-11-17T23:30:00.000-05:00

So usually I try and keep things pretty upbeat on here. I don't get into too many personal stories and such but tonight I'm feeling sad so I'm gonna let it all hang out, please bear with me.
I feel so lonely, I have a boyfriend who I haven't seen in a month and who never has time for me, I have a mother who has been increasingly rude to me, I have a million family members that live in the area who I haven't seen in probably 10 years, what the hell? I feel like everyone just isolates themselves and pretty soon we're all gonna be living alone. And the people I do hang out with regularly seem to always be checking their watch and making up reasons why they have to go (I'll admit I'm guilty of that one too). People don't understand, they really don't, all the hangups only children have. When I say I'm alone I'm alone. As in I genuinely feel alone in this world (though I know I'm not). Everyone seems to have their "someone" and I feel like all my "someones" have taken a leave of absence. It's such a double edged sword, I crave my alone time if I don't get enough but when I have too much I get in a funk. I hate this feeling more than anything in the world; that feeling that no one in the entire world is thinking about me, it's so depressing. I know it's not true but we all have our moments of feeling this way I suppose. I just feel like what the fuck I'm 21 what am I doing sitting at home on a Saturday night blogging? Why am I not out with friends, and furthermore why do I not really want to be sometimes? I just wish I had my rock, the one person that would make me feel un-lonely but not smother me. Now I'm just rambling and this is a big muddled mess so just let me keep feeling sorry for myself for just a few more minutes and then I'll suck it up k?
I had dinner with my cousins (they're sisters) tonight and I was really looking forward to going; we could be really close but we rarely see each other though I don't know why. It actually sucked. Not the dinner itself that part was great and we had a lot of laughs, but just the fact that I got a little taste of having people care and as soon as the food was gone BAM back to just me again.
Fuck everyone for always being on my back and fuck all the false friends that are out there. I have weeded you out and now I'm basically left with my closest family members and a few select friends. I am fucking lonely and sad. I want to be the person who can take life by the horns and have adventures, the one who can go out and talk to anyone and is always making new friends, I want to be optimistic and not so lazy and scared of meaningful relationships. Most of all I want to not be any of those things, I want to be me and still have support.

And yes the title of this post was shamelessly stolen from the song 5:19 by Matt Wertz

Calendar Girl

2007-11-17T15:42:00.000-05:00

Damn a whole week slipped by! I realized I forgot to post Sunday and then, true to my only child perfectionist personality, I decided well since I'm not doing very well at this whole posting everyday in November thing why don't I just go ahead and skip A WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK!!!!! Blogging is funny like that, I just can't do it if I don't "feel" it ya know what I mean?
Anyways my life is extremely boring as usual except I've been working on an adorable project and the story behind it goes a little something like this: my dog Roxie is an American Eskimo and my grandpa loves her to bits and pieces, he always doggie-sits if we aren't in town (and cooks her actual beef stew every night for dinner might I add!) and in his younger days he would come to our house everyday at noon just to take her for a walk. All this to say LOVE. There is much of it between my grandpa and Roxie. So every year my grandpa gets an American Eskimo calendar for Christmas and then throughout the year he'll make comments like "This months picture looks just like Roxie" or "There are two puppies in this months picture, I wonder what Roxie looked like as a puppy" but lately the calendars have just been repeats and we CANNOT have that so I devised a genius plan to dress Roxie up and do a photo shoot for each month and make a real Roxie calendar so that every month the picture can look "just like Roxie". Without further ado here are a few of said pictures, we're still working on the others and these still need to be edited but I didn't want to kill you with too much adorable :)

We started with Christmas (December) and I found this adorable Mrs. Claus ensemble at the place that rhymes with Farget for the bargain price of $9.99 (For that price she's wearing it for every holiday from now on!)

Next we did Halloween (October)and as you can see she's pleased as punch to be outside in front of the whole world dressed like a jack-o-lantern, her glare could melt steel.

And today we did a beach shot (for some summer month)it is one of my favorites

We also tried to get her to lay in a roaster pan surrounded by veggies for Thanksgiving (November) but this is all we got so I think we'll be re-shooting.

And just for good measure and because it's been so long since I've posted any pictures here are some cute candids of the little lizard butt.

And never to be left out my other dog Maggie (aka The Maggers, Maggerific, Mag-sta, Mag-it, Mag-pie, Mag-ma, Mag-net (as in "Oh shit! Maggie is coming to visit we better "Magnatize" the house hahaha), Magsumus, Margaret (when she's in trouble), and Magatha Christy)

Could I interest you in a reading? Then again how about not

2007-11-10T23:33:00.000-05:00

I'm cuttin it close again, I almost missed another day. What can I say my life is extremely boring. I made a video of my dog being shy in front of the camera perhaps I will post it tomorrow since I'll have some time. Other than that not much to report. I made some kick ass apple dumplings today. Oh yeah and in a previous post I talked about my intuition and how sometimes I just have feelings; while the one mentioned in that particular entry did not come true I has one the other day that unfortunately did. I called my mom, my boyfriend, and my friend and told them not to freak out but I felt like something was going to happen in one of their lives, either to them or their family or they were going to witness something and seriously I was a wreck over it, I just felt so nervous and weird. I got a call from my friend a couple hours later and she told me that her aunt had gone into cardiac arrest and was pretty much brain dead. YIKES! I don't believe that I'm psychic or anything like that but I think that it's possible to tap into energy of that sort. Of course it doesn't seem to be anything consistent but it's pretty cool that it happens occassionally, maybe next time it will be something good!

Get those degrees people!

2007-11-08T22:11:00.000-05:00

Once again not much time to post so I'll make a list of annoying and incorrect things that people say and call it a post:

1) It mystifies me that there are college students that still call the library the "libary" (pronounced "lie-berry")

2) College students using math terms such as plus instead of add, minus instead of subtract and my personal favorite "times it by" instead of multiply by. As in "To solve the equation you plus two, minus three, and times the answer by six"

3) Honors students calling an angioplasty and "angioplasm"

I could go on but I'm drawing a blank and there are so many blogs to catch up on reading thanks to NaBloPoMo!

Signed "The college student/blogger"

2007-11-07T23:33:00.000-05:00

Whew I'm cuttin it close tonight but this will be posted before midnight! I'm in the midst of studying for a French "causerie" aka a forced conversation between you and a partner about a pre-selected topic on which you are graded by your instructor (I pretty much failed the last time as noted here) and basically things aren't lookin much better for this time. So since I have to get back to the grind I'll make this short yet poignant k?

As I was driving home from dinner tonight I was at a stoplight where a homeless man usually stands. I glanced to my left and he wasn't there but instead was a tattered pizza box, folded over onto itself and standing up with a message written on it, it said "Whoever stole my bag I forgive you, I hope you needed my dirty clothes and blankets" and was signed "the homeless guy" For some reason this really touched me, it was just one of those things that you see at the right time and it strikes a chord. I called my mom to tell her about just that but her response was to say that it was just a ploy. I am not naive and I don't usually fall for stuff like that but for some reason I just felt that this was true. Why would it be a ploy to get money if he wasn't even standing there with the box? At any rate it made me think of all the homeless people I have ever passed, people who were asking for nothing from anyone just huddled in a doorway (or sprawled on a sidewalk) to sleep, how we generalize and put all of these people into one category "the homeless people". This man has a name, a story, a life and something about seeing it signed "the homeless man" just hit me like a ton of bricks. Also not to be overlooked is the fact that this man who has nothing to his name other than what he can carry around with him can forgive someone for being such an ass and stealing his last earthly possessions that he wasn't physically wearing. Somehow it makes me feel more than a little ignorant for instantly hating someone just because they cut me off in traffic.

Does this mean I believe everyone who is on the street claiming to need money is legitimate? No. Does this mean I'm going to give money to every less fortunate person I pass? No. It just means that for a second I really thought about the individual I pass everyday as opposed to defining him by nothing more than the labels I ascribe to him and it made me want to be a little more forgiving of others. So if it was a ploy it was a damn good one. Thank you.

Hmm turns out it wasn't so short after all!

Now if she only had opposable thumbs the world would be her oyster

2007-11-06T21:58:00.000-05:00

Not much to report here, just checking in as is my duty for the entire month of November. I promise to have more interesting posts in the future but right now I'm tired and don't have much to say so I'll leave you with this awe inspiring factoid from my life: my dog learned how to open our french doors that lead to our sun porch, not nudge open with her nose but stand up on hind legs and push the handle down until it opens....awesome!

With letters like this I would make an excellent pen pal!

2007-11-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

Everyone remembers their first true love, I mean how could you forget right? And for the majority of us we look back at that time with fond memories and feel the slightest twinge of jealousy when we hear of their marriage or the birth of their first child but in all actuality our rational self knows that our time together has passed (and even if we had the opportunity we wouldn't want to get back together with them) and we are genuinely happy for them. That is exactly how I feel as I have just recently found out that my first true love is married and expecting his first child (thank you myspace!). I don't want to be with him anymore but its just the slightest of subconscious pricks of jealousy when I think of her carrying his daughter because waaaay back when that was supposed to be me. I'm not trying to sound psycho here and I think you all know what I mean. Anyways I have composed a letter to her, for the purposes of this blog only (read: I will absolutely not be sending this to her).

Dear my first true love's wife (whose name sounds suspiciously similar to mine and is also the name I picked for my first daughter before I even knew of your existence, why must you taint it for me?),
How are you? How is the pregnancy progressing? I hear you're in your 28th week already; you were big before but good gravy you must be huge now!! :) I am writing to share a few ironies and truths with you. First and foremost an irony that has not escaped me and probably never will is that I spent the skinniest years of my life (read, the only years I was skinny) with your husband and it turns out that he likes fat girls (boy would he love me now!). Furthermore it has come to my attention that your husband has served in Iraq, I hope you didn't just decide to get married really quickly before he got deployed in case he died, that would be a real tragedy. Also, the "it's a girl" layout you have on myspace is adorable (if a little overpowering) but now that you have broadcast it to the entire myspace population as well as everyone you've ever met in your real life it would be a shame for your darling offspring to pop out as a boy however it would be very entertaining for all those around you :) In addition, I have seen photographs of your (very) humble abode and before the baby comes you may want to look into getting a place that is not in danger of rolling away every time a storm blows through as I hear that particular occurrence is quite frequent in neighborhoods such as yours. Finally, that blue care bear costume you wore a few Halloweens ago? Yeah never ever wear that again because you did not look cute and cuddly but like a giant, scary, ewok sent here to torment us by forcing us to stare at your three "spare tires" worth of fat until our retinas were seared and we had to look away and for months after all we could see were giant blue spots; however if you must dress up as a care bear I'm glad you chose grumpy bear because it is most likely very indicative of your default attitude for the next several decades of your life due to sleep deprivation brought about by the several children you're planning to have (after you push one out let me know if that number's decreased any k?) Anyways, just wanted to see how you were and wish you good luck with all that's coming your way, don't worry I'm sure you'll get some sleep again in about 50 years. But then again there's always grand kids, which I'm guessing will be coming sooner rather than later for you, just hope the hubby sticks with you through all of it!

Sincerely,
Nicole

The price is oh so wrong these days

2007-11-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

Just dropping in for a minute to say: I MISS BOB BARKER. I gave Drew Carey a chance on TPIR but lets face it he's no Bob, that show will never be the same again and it saddens me. I can't tell you how many summer days me and my grandma spent watching that glorious glorious American phenomenon known as The Price is Right hoping upon hope that someone would get to play Plinko (or in my case the ever popular mountain climber game because I loved the yodeling sound effects almost as much as I loved watching that little plastic man fall off the cliff) and after it was over we would go swimming. You just can't mess with 30 years of tradition and expect me (the queen of not coping well with change) to take it gracefully, ya know what I'm sayin?

Now the moment of truth. I pose this question to anyone reading this: am I just overreacting and letting my love of Bob cloud my judgement or does Drew Carey really kinda suck at his new gig?

Blush-fest

2007-11-04T10:22:00.001-05:00

So I'm taking a little help from the prompts at the NaBloPoMo site and the topic I have chosen to write about today is my most embarrassing moment (which occurred when I was roughly 13 years old).
While there are many moments in my life that have been "embarrassing" there is one that absolutely takes the cake. I'll be honest, before this happened to me I always wondered how the heck anyone could be stupid enough to do this and figured that they were just making it up but alas when you're extremely tired and not paying much attention it is entirely possible to not only get in the wrong vehicle but to sit down in said vehicle with an entire family which isn't yours and begin calmly eating your ice cream before looking up and realizing that everyone is staring at you and that they are not, in fact, anyone you have ever seen before in your life. Next thing you know I panic, run out of the van leaving the door hanging wide open and letting their dog practically escape, and duck into my actual van with my actual family and my actual dog where I proceed to freak out and my family proceeds to laugh so hard they pee themselves because they watched the whole thing and didn't stop me because they wanted a good laugh.
Seriously, what are the chances of having the same exact van in the same parking lot with the same number of people and a dog inside, parked directly across from each other? It could have happened to anyone, just be glad it wasn't you lol.
Oh yeah and did I mention I was in my bathing suit when all of this transpired and that the people waved and honked at me when they left (hangs head and weeps)

I suck at the writing everyday concept

2007-11-04T10:08:00.000-05:00

Shit, I'm supposed to be writing everyday in November and I already skipped a day. What can I say I was so busy finishing my Saturday morning (more like Saturday all day) GRE prep class and making some kick ass pico de gallo and all that I just plum forgot. Anyways today is a Serbian craft fair and luncheon so I'm sure I'll have some stories to tell about that or at least some reviews of the awesome food we're sure to eat. And since I didn't write yesterday I'll post again today. Consider yourselves lucky!

All the cool kids are participating in NaBloPoMo so I had to too

2007-11-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

I had the great idea to do a blog post about me (not that I'm egocentric or anything) just some random facts about myself and blah blah blah.

1) I am absolutely 100% not a morning person. I have no classes scheduled before 10:30 and sometimes I'm late to those ones.

2) I brush my teeth in the shower

3) I always buy books instead of getting them from the library because I never take them back and end up paying for them anyways so I just eliminate the middle man. Also, it just feels better owning a book, though I'm not entirely sure why.

4) I hate the way plastic containers smell after they have held food

5) I also hate the smell of freezer burn

6) I prefer the indoors to the outdoors most of the time

7) I think watching a movie at home is never the same as watching it in a theater (that being said I hardly ever go to the movies because it's so freakin expensive)

8) Sometimes when my dog is sleeping (she's white) and I'm bored I color patches of her hair with a marker just for fun (I know I'm terrible report me this instant!)

9) I loooove organizing and re-organizing stuff

10) Okay and lastly, (this one is really weird and gross) I always look at my nail clippings after I clip them. I have no idea why I do this but it fascinates me to see how long they were and basically I'm a nutcase lol

Oh and by the way I just joined NaBloPoMo. I know, I know, I'm always a day late and a dollar short but oh well better late than never

When I'm tired of watering my plants I let my cats eat them, does that make me a feline nutritional specialist?

2007-10-30T21:27:00.000-05:00

Just checking in to write about something a guest lecturer in one of my classes said that I found hilarious. He was talking about the origin of the human species and blah blah blah, lots of boring talky talky, and then he said "Some mammals do the respectable thing and lay down and die when they're finished reproducing and raising their young but what do we do??? We go out to the garage and make bird-houses and shit" That was absolutely hilarious to me and loud cackling commenced. Maybe you had to be there but trust me it was funny. Also, I am composing some other posts in my mind but I think I'm coming down with a cold or something and I'm too lazy to write anything else so with that I will finish this writing business and go wallow in bed and watch tonight's intriguing, Halloween themed, episode of The Singing Bee.

edited to add: holy crap there was a woman on the aforementioned episode of The Singing Bee that is actually employed as a "canine chef" Hell, even I could do that; dogs eat their own crap for goodness sake how good of a cook do you really need to be? (no offense to all the canine chefs out there)

Just call me coffee messer upper

2007-10-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

So as I've mentioned before I am gainfully employed as a student assistant in our library on campus (in the Dean's Office nonetheless, you should be in awe). I sit at a receptionists desk while the assistants and others in the office go out to lunch and just basically do light clerical duties and answer the phone if not when it rings. Anyways it's great because I have plenty of time to catch up on "studying" and by studying I really mean surfing the internet, blogging, checking myspace, clipping my nails etc. Everyone in the office is awesome and I get to be by myself with no other pesky students (Loooove it).

So now you're probably wondering where the hell you can sign up for a job such as this; sorry you can't because its MINE!!!! Anyways it's a great job but there is one thing that grates on my nerves at times. (Come on you knew there had to be one, no job is perfect) One of the upper staff members in our office who is very nice and loud and rambunctious like myself can be quite a bitch and disguise it (or sometimes not even try to disguise it) as a joke. For example I am the one she always asks to make coffee which is fine, cute even. We get to have daily interactions like "Hey Nicole you know what would make my meeting more bearable this afternoon??? Get brewin!" Oh you know, the low woman on the totem pole always makes the coffee cliche, great, got it. A couple weeks ago she walks in the office with a colleague and loudly announces "NICOLE I GOT YOU A PRESENT ITS IN THE COFFEE CAN, IT'S A NEW SCOOP" then she turns to the colleague and explains that I'm the one who makes the coffee (as if they couldn't have guessed). The colleague just chuckled and rolled her eyes.

Anyways fast forward to today she bellows in front of my coworker (whom I will call "coworker" for purposes of this blog) and I "NICOLE CAN YOU MAKE SOME FRESH COFFEE AND I DON'T CARE WHAT *COWORKER* SAYS USE FOUR ROUNDED SCOOPS" and then as if coworker had but up a fight she added "I'M THE ONE REQUESTING THE COFFEE SO I GET IT MY WAY!" Umm okay, right boss. So I make the stupid and insanely strong coffee and I think it's done but nooooo. I have been working here in excess of two years now and never once have I messed up the coffee but today I forgot to turn the burner on so that the coffee would stay warm after it was brewed. How did I realize I made such a mistake???? Simple I hear the bellower bellowing to a colleague "NICOLE MADE THE COFFEE BUT THE DO-DO DIDN'T TURN THE BURNER ON" and then again two minutes later to someone else who asked her if there was fresh coffee "YES BUT IT'S NOT VERY HOT" Dude I get it, I made a small mistake how about we stop being so passive aggressive and if you must mention it, mention it directly to me and then shut the fuck up and put your cup of coffee in the microwave (right next to the coffee pot) for 10 seconds, I mean it had just finished brewing how cold could it have gotten in the couple minutes it had been sitting there?

Again, I love my job but cripe is all that bellowing really necessary??? I think not.

Finally no more dirt in the washing machine

2007-10-17T21:52:00.000-05:00

Hoooray the water troubles are over at chez-moi!!! Today we got a fancy new water line installed and it only cost us a million dollars (ok not really) and our entire front yard! The best part of the day was hearing my mom flush and then scream because she got scared by the noise of the air that was still in the line. Happy times, happy times.

p.s. yes the title is true there was such a leak in our water line that we have had actual chunks of dirt clogging up our washing machine forever and the city just now deemed it necessary to fix it, oh how i love them.

Oh hell that p.s. just reminded me of a topic I thought up earlier so I may as well go for it now.
It is called "Things in my house that look disgusting but really aren't":

1) I have a cat who insists upon only drinking water out of my bathroom faucet and if we don't let her she would go on water strike until she died because she is just that stubborn so this means she often sits, sleeps, drinks, and lounges in my bathroom sink (just mine, no one elses mind you) so at any given time there are about three different colors of hair on my beautiful white counter top. This drives me crazy and I wipe it off every time she gets up but I live in fear that someone will walk in there before I've had a chance to clean it and be utterly appalled.

2) The aforementioned chunks of dirt in my washing machine. While quite inconvenient never actually interfered with the cleanliness of my clothes.

3) The stain in the middle of the living room carpet that I try to hide with every piece of furniture we own; I swear it's nothing gross it was just some damn mud that the dog tracked in that absolutely will not come up.

4) The one bowl that is undoubtedly left on my dresser from my midnight snack the night before. Dude I only leave it there till morning (and on rare occasions one or two days) so just chill. On second thought maybe that one actually is a little disgusting.

5)My dog's tattered and hole covered "baby" (which is actually a stuffed cat that an ex gave to me from build-a-bear. Nothing says I don't love you anymore better than letting your massive dog rip the heart out of something an ex made for you but I digress) that has been dragged through and put in places that I don't even want to think about. Hmmmm maybe that one actually is gross too. But we do wash it regularly!

6) The area around my makeup mirror: it looks a hot mess but its really just a bunch of excess makeup that is coated on pretty much everything in that general vicinity (at least I keep it confined)

Wow I can't think of anymore right now but I'm sure I will. Writing this has made me feel like a filthy slob so to make me feel better what are some disgusting things (actually disgusting or could be perceived as disgusting) in your house?

Are your nickles beautiful?

2007-10-12T11:03:00.000-05:00

Ok I'm gonna say how much school sucks for just a couple seconds and then I'll stop being all "woe is me" about my life. Dude, the fourth year of college, it is hard. There is much studying and learning of obscure facts that don't have much to do with my future career at all. And here I sit at work with nothing to do and instead of catching up on some of said studying here I am writing a blog entry hahaha That's me redefining procrastination on a daily basis! That should be the slogan for my life.
Anyways everything else is good, the doggies are adorable as usual and there's not much else to report. Oh wait I do have one funny tidbit to report I was talking to the bf the other day and he wasn't wearing a shirt and I looked down and said "Wow I never noticed it before but your nipples are really small" he thought about it for a minute and said "Do you think my nickles (nipples) are beautiful?" LOL

Le Francais est tres difficile

2007-10-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

I have a hilarious video from this weekend that will be forthcoming but right now my phone is being an idiot so I can't send it to my computer.
Anyways on to today's story. I am a psychology major as you may or may not know and because it is a bachelor of arts degree I am required to take 4 semesters of a foreign language; I chose French because I had taken it in high school. The first two semesters were a dream, I had a hilarious instructor who was actually from France and really knew how to help us grasp the language. Fast forward to this semester, my instructor is an absolute nightmare, she is rude and condescending and if she asks you a question and you answer the best you can (in french of course) but don't have anything else to say she just keeps waving her hand at you while rolling her eyes. She explains absolutely nothing in English including the grammar aspects such as tenses (there are a million of them) and definitions of vocabulary words. I am so stressed about that class that I have actually cried. So today we had to do a "causerie" where we were randomly paired with a classmate and randomly assigned one of three topics. While we were speaking the rest of the class was out in the hall. It was great being able to sit out there and worry and chat with all the other people who knew just as little as me (or so I thought). We had a lot of fun and made a lot of jokes but then I actually had to go in and participate and it was a nightmare. Sometimes I exaggerate and think that I did worse than I actually did but not today. By the time we were finished all my instructor could say (in front of my classmate) was: "you have very limited speaking skills" to which I replied "I know, it's very difficult for me to speak it because in previous semesters I wasn't required to do so to this degree but I assure you that I can understand it and write it decently" and once again she simply rolled her eyes. WHAT A BITCH. I mean seriously at least I'm trying (unlike half the people who simply skipped class), it's not my major and I will most likely never use it after I am finished with school. Don't get me wrong I enjoy studying it and I believe it is a great asset to learn many languages but when someone acts the way she does it just makes me self-conscious and makes me want to shut down and stop trying. I cannot wait until this semester is over, next semester I will most definitely take the class from a different instructor. Oh woe is me and my terrible life of academia lol

Sal-mon? Really?

2007-10-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

Why are there people in this world who insist upon pronouncing the "l" in salmon? Let me just say that if you do this STOP because you look like a damn fool and people are laughing at you behind your back (yes I'm talking about you guy i heard in sears talking about a George Foreman grill that would be "just divine for cooking 'sal-mon'".

Water Guy, Revisited

2007-10-05T12:18:00.000-05:00

Okay in this post I was relatively nice to you but now it's just getting old. So all I have to say is FUCK YOU Mr. Water Guy, doing water related repairs and then yelling on a bullhorn about things that have absolutely nothing to do with said repairs. I realize that it is 10 o'clock in the morning and you think the whole world should be awake but I, I am a college student therefore I am not! And let me just ask one more question does it really take you months to repair a leak in the pipe or are you just doing it out of spite???? I'm going with the latter until you prove to me otherwise (chocolates and ice cream and free soundproofing of my room would be a very good step in that direction).

Yea I'm just a little bit lame

2007-10-04T21:33:00.001-05:00

Oh my gosh I got 3 comments yesterday you have noooo idea how excited that makes me (I may have even teared up a little bit or jumped up and down on my bed with joy)even if you haven't technically been reading and only commented b/c i commented on your blog IDONTEVENCAREBECAUSEIHAVETHREEWHOLEMOTHERFUCKINGCOMMENTS. So thank you for your comments and please by all means continue reading and commenting!

Oh yeah and as an aside the most stupid thing I have heard lately was a young man on Judge Judy swearing up and down that he didn't steal his former friends backpack but when the former-friend described the contents the defendant apparently disagreed and shouted out "NO there was no i-pod in there!" Suffice it to say the plaintiff won and Judge Judy ripped the defendant a new one.

Lurkers, today's your day to de-lurk!!

2007-10-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

As I'm sure you all know today, as noted above, is The Great Mofo Delurk 2007. This means that if you read this please for the love of all that is good and right in the world leave a mother fucking comment. Hmmm I doubt that anyone actually reads this because lets face it due to the fact that I rarely (read never) comment anywhere no one probably knows its here. And on the off chance people do know it's here they are probably sick of my feeble attempts at wittiness. Even if that is the case comment and tell me and I promise to do likewise. Thanks

p.s. if you don't want to just randomly comment about how un-funny I am or how cute my dogs are etc. let me give you a topic for discussion as all the cool kids seem to be doing: Stupid things you have heard other people say that are so amazingly dumb they make you want to rip off your own face. NOW COMMENT

Hilarious things my boyfriend has said to me lately

2007-10-02T23:02:00.001-05:00

Now keep in mind that he is from Brazil and his mastery of the English language is a bit shaky at best.

Him(trying to make me mad): "I have a son in Brazil."
Me "What's his name?"
loooong pause
Him: "Uhhh her name is Jefferson?...i messed that up didn't I?"

Me: "Why did you sleep with that girl in Texas?"
Him: "Because she scraped (trying to say raped) me"

Him (about me): "yeah so I told the lady at the condo that you speak very well english"

"if they don't fix this problem for me will you help me punch them because i think you're gonna punch super good because you yell at me all the time"

"whats this word 'sunshine' does it mean something sweet?"

"bugs don't bite me because my blood is super good, i eat garlic and when they come to bite me they run away. You just need to eat brazilian food and stop having bad blood"

"i like you because you're not super fat, just a little bit"

"baby im surprised! you look hot!"

"i said i did because you said i did but i no did" (riiiiiiight)

Untitled (which is kind of like an oxymoron because that, in itself, is a title)

2007-09-28T10:53:00.000-05:00

I've been hesitant to say anything for fear of jinxing my new found happiness but the ex and I are back together and I am genuinely happy, more so than I ever was before. I don't know what happened during the few months we were not together, perhaps he started to take to heart the things that I had been telling him all along, and perhaps I started to calm down just a little bit and realize that I can't get mad at him for things that are part of his culture, some things are just who he is and as long as he treats me well, respects me, and is there for me when I need him then he's okay in my book. Or maybe it's just the "honeymoon phase" all over again but I don't care what it is I just hope it sticks around.

p.s. Sooo glad Grey's Anatomy is back, and even more glad that George is not gone :)

p.p.s We have rescued yet another cat, this one from our backyard (which is also a park) She was basically about to starve to death when she wandered up to our house so we took her in got her fixed and declawed gave her her shots and we're calling her Izzy buuuuut if you know anyone who needs a cat she is free to a good home (and preferably someone we actually know in real life)

The vest...I mean best...fashion advice I can give

2007-09-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

It happened, I saw someone my age wearing a vest. A VEST! That is just a trend that should never be resurrected. Hell, if we're gonna wear vests now why don't we just break out the neon spandex pants and pair them with knee length sweaters too! I've said it before and I'll say it again: no one, but no one, should wear a vest (unless it's part of a work uniform, in which case you should seriously consider a new job)

Plain strawbery ice cream anyone?

2007-09-08T22:28:00.001-05:00

I never noticed until today how difficult it is to find plain strawberry ice cream. I, myself, am more of a chocolate type but today I was out and about and a friend asked me to pick up some strawberry ice cream. I believe his exact words were "If you come back with anything other than plain strawberry ice cream I will punch you." Fast forward to a couple hours later when I am cowering in fear in the ice cream aisle of Kroger because they simply do not have plain strawberry ice cream: neapolitan? check. strawberry swirl? check. strawberry cheesecake? check. But no plain strawberry, so I did what any intelligent person would do, I bought an entire gallon of cookies and cream which doesn't even have anything close to strawberry in it and hoped he wouldn't notice. Amazing how quickly men forget because I gave it to him and he immediately opened it up and dug in, thank goodness.

I like to call this "bullshit medley", catchy no?

2007-09-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

Ok so how about the time I promised to write about life lessons, I'm gonna amend that to say: I am a big fat pretentious idiot who knows nothing about life and should therefore shut the fuck up and stop acting like a know it all.

Anyways moving on I have several topics that I thought would make for interesting blog entries (I sunk to new levels when I started keeping a sticky note beside my desk with topics on it) so following is a medley of crap that I think about.

Recently I was thinking about how one time my mom told me that she finds it hard to believe in God, or a higher power, because if there was such a power why did my grandmother, who was a great woman, die. I thought about that for a minute and for me it is the exact opposite. I believe in God because he gives us strength to get through such situations and teaches us innumerable lessons along the way. I am not saying that everyone should feel the same way as me, I feel that religion is a personal choice and I would never judge anyone because of it, but I just wanted to note how the same situation can be perceived so very differently by people. If no one ever suffered or had bad things happen than how would we grow and learn; why would we need God? Obviously no one wants to watch a loved one die or have negative things happen but I'm of the belief system that it all happens for a reason. Ask me this again if something happens to someone with whom I'm close or myself and my opinion may be a bit different but I would like to hope not. Disclaimer: this is not to say that I handle suffering or death or problems well at all because I'm pretty much a blubbering fool.

Next topic of discussion, yard sales. Some of the stuff people try to sell should just be lying in a dumpster somewhere. If you honestly think you're going to get someone to pay you $5 for your stained, cat hair covered, sweater that your aunt Matilda knit for you back in 1985 think again. What is wrong with you people???? Yard sales can be ok but the ones with table upon table of stupid shit like happy meal toys that are half chewed really piss me off, just give it up and throw your trash away instead of wasting your and everyone elses time. Last week I was driving around and I saw a person trying to sell, no joke, a trophy (with their name on it nonetheless) and the whole top half broken off for the bargain price of $2.50, get a life.

In other news, I commented on my first blog today and I couldn't start with just some little tiny blog, no no no not me I had to comment on a big one. It's not like anyone will even know who I am but still I get so nervous that I'll make an ass out of myself somehow that I don't even like to comment on blogs, I'm a loser I know, but the entry was about weird men on tv that we're attracted to and I immediately remembered this post and just had to share.

The lengthy entry filled with multiple complaints (sorry)

2007-08-29T16:02:00.000-05:00

I have been avoiding this blog like the plague. Scared to face my feelings, but I will, eventually. For now lets listen to me whine about the beginning of school shall we??? The first day of class I accidently slept through my first one but other than that things have been going well. The classes seem pretty straightforward and easy enough but French is gonna be a big hurdle. Anyways back to the class I missed Monday morning, I had it again this morning and I was determined to get there on time, get my syllabus and catch up on anything I had missed. I was on campus (and by campus I don't mean just pulling out of my driveway like I usually do) 30 freakin minutes before class was scheduled to start. For anyone who does not know me that is a miracle, I am usually at least 10 minutes late for everything. But damn it I was gonna make a good impression. So I roll into the parking lot thinking I'll have a leasurely stroll to class HAH. My first two days of class found me gloating to my mom that "not living on campus is no problem at all, I just pull into a parking lot and someone is always leaving, it's fine, parkings no biggy" (insert slap upside my head here) Today, the day I neeeeed to be on time there is not one spot on the entire campus. I went to every lot, deck, and grass field around and there were caravans of cars following pedestrians hoping to steal their parking spot. After and HOUR of this bullshit I finally parked illegally and hoped I didn't get a ticket. I was so fed up at this point I literally felt like vomiting. I looked like such a dumbass for missing the first day and then sauntering in roughly 40 minutes late to the second class. Cripe!!!! So I'm practically tripping over myself rushing to walk alllllll the way across campus and the entire fucking walkway to the building I need to go to is closed. Our campus is constructed in such an arbitrary manner that it is extremely difficult to get to the building in a different way but alas I prevailed and cut through the student union walked across the street past the athletic fields and up two flights of stairs. Come to find out everything was blocked off because of a bomb threat. You think I could have guessed it was something semi-serious when I saw the m.f'ing NEW CHOPPER circling over my head but I was all "woe is me, couldn't they repair the walkway during the 4 freakin months of summer vacation, gosh I hate these people, they have no common sense"
It seems as though all is okay though classes in that particular building the bomb threat was made for were canceled. Also my professor seems totally cool that I missed the first class and totally interupted the second one, and he should be cause I pay about a million dollars a semester to be there (Yes, I know that's not his fault)

I heart reality tv

2007-08-24T15:05:00.000-05:00

I'm so confused and slightly hurt (as you may have inferred from my last post) but for now I have to step away from the heavy stuff b/c I don't want to think about it (thus the avoidance of blogging for the last few weeks*) so in other words LOOK A WHOLE BUNCH OF FLUFF AND FILLER!!!!
So I was reading msn reality t.v. news today and I would just like to say that
This is what television is about. As I was reading the description of this new show a huge smile spread across my face because in some twisted way it helps me to know that I'm not the only one who lies or gets lied to. Plus, dude, if you don't tell the truth you're in front of millions of people including your family and I would imagine it would be pretty entertaining to watch someone try and wriggle their way out of those sticky situations. So, viva la/le reality tv!

*This post is brought to you by denial-it's not just a river in Egypt

If I could tell you just one thing;

2007-08-20T21:06:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't be able to stop at just one. To summarize, I love you, I hate you, I need you, I want you, I don't want to want you, I don't want to need you, please save me.

Career? That sounds all fancy-like. Do not want.

2007-08-14T23:50:00.000-05:00

Today's lesson: Sometimes waiting until the last minute to do a paper really works and the bullshit flows like wine (albeit cheap wine from a box, possibly with a broken spout, but wine nonetheless.)

Oh and incidentally I will be starting my fourth year of college in a couple weeks, I cannot believe it. Because I changed my major a while ago I won't have my bachelors until December of 08 but sweet mother of humanity I have friends who are graduating,graduating. As in they will have careers not just jobs. My friends, people I associate with and suffered through high-school with will be professionals, followed shortly thereafter by me. Where does the time go?? It feels like I just started college and that I've been there forever all at the same time. I still don't feel like i graduated high-school and college graduation is fast approaching (not to worry it will be followed by several years of grad-school before I can begin my career, mother of pearl that sounds weird). The sunrise-sunset-ness of it all it just too much.

P.S.

2007-08-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

p.s. happy birthday to my daddy

p.p.s. This is amazing:

All I feel's alone, might be a quarter life crisis, or just a stirring in my soul (yes that title is shamelessly stolen from John Mayer)

2007-08-13T19:03:00.000-05:00

I know I said I'd post "later" which apparently means in you know 5-6 days or whenever I get around to it. In my defense the subject matter is kinda heavy so it takes longer to will myself to write it. In other words...brace yourself this is gonna be a long, emotion-laden one.

I did in fact go visit the ex and his family last weekend and that one week break I took after I returned home? That was me assessing the emotional carnage. Who in the hell thought visiting the ex would be a good idea? Like seriously what kind of idiot gets over someone and then decides that they should plunge themselves right back into their life??? You may not be able to guess it from the tone of this entry but the weekend was amazing and loads of fun, thats the problem. I miss them all so very, very much. I was so unhappy before that it was semi-easy to just walk away but now??? Not so much. As I write this I feel depression, not sadness, not regret, but deep down emotional distress and sorrow. So on the car ride home (after the first hour was spent crying uncontrollably) I started to analyze myself (what can I say I'm a psych major, it's what I do). It suddenly dawned on me that this pain was a familiar pain, a hurt so deep that it expresses itself in every aspect of my life. I become some neurotic basketcase who doesn't even want to get out of bed in the morning for fear of facing my feelings, it's exhausting. Sometimes people think that I'm just lazy (and sometimes I am) but how do I tell them that sometimes it's just because I don't want to face pain, real or perceived. When I'm in this mood everything I see and do reminds me of how un-happy I am. I realized that I feel this way after returning from my visit because those people love me, and I them. Everyone I meet tells the ex how great I am and they actually fight over whose house I should stay at, they speak what little English they know and include me in all that they do. They gossip with me about his new fuck buddy and they tell me not to be sad, that I am their family and she never will be. Above all there is always someone around for me. That's the bottom line, that's where I had my epiphany of sorts. As I mentioned above this pain was not new; I have felt it many times before but I had forgotten how miserable it was. It takes me back to the days of my childhood when I would spend every-other weekend with my dad. We would have the best time, not because he's extravagant and took me everywhere I wanted to go or because he bought me things but because he genuinely understood me and was always there (notice the theme?). The best memories of my life thus far include rainy Saturdays spent inside, just me and my dad, eating chicken noodle soup and talking about everything and nothing at all. When Sunday would roll around I would be devastated, I would begin to cry two hours before I was supposed to be home, sometimes I would get physically ill and beg my Dad not to make me go and I would see the tears in his eyes as he would pull away. It's not that my mom was some terrible monster, she loved me and cared for me the best way that she knew how but it just wasn't the same. She didn't quite "get" me nor did she want to spend quality time with me. I felt isolated and alone and I remember crying and feeling miserable until I could return to my dads again. I didn't realize it until later in life but I was actually depressed; at 8 years old I suffered from depression and tons of anxiety which expressed itself as OCD oftentimes. Okay so there's my sob story, you've heard it and now I'll get to the point the theme is I am terrified, I mean terrified, of being alone. At both my dad's house and now with the ex's family I feel like everyone is there for me, that I can be alone in a room but not be alone. Here at my house, at my desk, I am alone, alone in the world. I pass my mom in the hallway and we talk but for all intents and purposes I am alone. Now that I'm older and have the tools to help myself I know that I will be okay, I know that this feeling of sadness will pass and that I cannot become involved in a relationship solely because of a great emotional environment; that would be a cop-out, and I am putting it in writing right here so that when I feel weak and like he's my only option I will come back and read this and remind myself that I am strong and I won't take the easy road; I've worked through to much to do that now.

(Hopefully Not) More Than a Feeling

2007-08-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here refreshing MSN news page every few minutes, why you ask...because I just have a feeling that something terrible is going to happen. Something shocking and life-changing. I must be losing my mind. I dunno what's wrong with me but I called my mom and she said she's felt the same way all day. So here's to hoping we're wrong (though we usually aren't, individually yes, but when we both feel the same way at the same time its usually for a reason). I've been working on a real post which I'll post later. Until then

The entry in which the parenthesis usage got out of control

2007-08-03T15:03:00.000-05:00

Did I really make a promise to write everyday??? Come on it's me, like that will happen. So I will amend what I said to sound something like: whenever I have a lesson to share but still more often than if I were just posting long rambling entries about nothing in particular. Got it??? Good.

On to today's business, I'm debating whether to drive down and see the ex's fam. We've been talking and I miss them all like crazy but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I mean clearly I'll see him if I go unless he gets called to work and to be truthful I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. He's so off the wall, one day he calls begging me to come back to him (and last week I actually got a semi-marriage proposal if you call "My family loves you we have to get married someday" a proposal lol and followed shortly thereafter (after he was rejected of course) by asking me to give him a baby). But the thing is I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean any of that, he's dating some hussy from North Carolina so it's all good. And I have no feelings for him anymore so I'm not worried about anything happening. It's just that I am a very sentimental person and I don't know if I can make that same drive, and see those same faces, and do all of those same things knowing that last time I was there and every time before that we were together (that place is synonyous with "us") and even worse that this may be the last time I see all of them (b/c honestly how often have I driven there in the last 4 months). I have to go sooner or later so now seems as good a time as any but I don't know, we'll see. Oh and clearly I will not be staying at his bug-infested apartment (lol) I'll be staying with his aunt that lives nearby and her daughter; my angel-girl that I referenced in this post. So I'll be back with details of either how it went or why I decided not to go and perhaps pictures of my Brazilian babies. Wish me luck!

Oh and I guess my lesson from all of this could be: Don't be so over-run by emotions from the past that you miss out on having fun in the present. Or if things go terribly: Sometimes there's a reason you broke up, now stay away dumb bitch.

If you want to sing out, sing out: a life lesson brought to you by Cat Stevens

2007-08-02T10:35:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I'm an asshole, I didn't post my lesson for yesterday so I will do it now and then I have an awesome, thought provoking piece to write later because basically; that's how I roll. (Insert long pause here while I re-play yesterday in my head and try to scrounge up some life affirming lesson that should have been taken away)......Hmmmm, ummmmm ok, still nothing, oh ok I got one. Don't be afraid to be out of your comfort zone but conversely, don't feel the need to be someone you're not just to seem "well-adjusted". This stems from the fact that due to my only child status I like a lot of alone time. I am the girl sitting across the room eating lunch with a paperback. Though I enjoy this time I am also worried that others think I'm a loser for often being alone and sometimes I'm alone even when I don't want to be which makes me feel like even more of a loser. So basically what I'm trying to say here is just do what you want to do and what makes you happy and screw everyone else but also strive to get out of your comfort zone every once in awhile just for personal growth reasons.

And in the words of Cat Stevens:

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see ah ah ah
Its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
cause theres a million things to do
You know that there are

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

Procrastination, it's my middle name

2007-07-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

Ok I really need to not wait until 11 o'clock the night before a test to start studying! Anyways to procrastinate studying even more my lesson for today is: When changing the toner on a copy machine you don't actually take the whole thing out and put a new one in like you would on a printer; it's more of a transferring the contents of one thing to another thing type deal, and if it's done incorrectly I hear it's one of the messiest mistakes ever (not that I would know personally). So by all means read the instructions on the box or at least pay attention to the freaking tutorial that the copy machine itself will walk you through.

hand + spit = life lesson

2007-07-30T22:29:00.000-05:00

Today's lesson: Sometimes the only thing that will clean millions of little itty bitty tiny hairs off of an upholstered surface(or at least gather it into a pile so one can suck it up in the vacuum) is your hand and a bit of spit.

A lifetime of lessons

2007-07-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

Yeah so it's been awhile since my last post, sorry about that. I can't say I've been extraordinarily busy or anything, just lazy and procrastinating as per my usual. I was thinking today about how sometimes I want to write but I don't really know what to write or I have too much to write so I just don't. Then I had a great idea, since I am always learning little lessons from others I decided that I will write a "lesson of the day" each day even if I don't post an actual "post". Great idea right???? That way I'll be able to remember the lessons others teach me instead of thinking briefly about them and then filing them away. Sometimes I may just write the lessons, sometimes I may have a story to go along with them sometimes the lesson may be incorporated into an "actual post" but this seems like just what I need to make me write.

All that being said today I went to a Serbian picnic with my grandpa and mom and v. and there was an old woman there who so wanted to get up and dance (you could just see it in her eyes, that and the way she was swaying around waving her arms)but no one else was dancing so she held off. A few minutes later my grandpa decided he was ready to leave so I stood up to start clearing off the table and the woman came over to me, put her hand on my shoulder, and said something to me which I didn't quite understand (I thought maybe she just had a thick accent) to which I replied "What?" and she said it again in my ear. The problem with this was that she was not speaking English but Serbian which I do not speak at all. So instead of just being a normal person and explaining that I don't speak Serbian I just turned my back on the poor woman and went about my business. I just panicked and ignored her. I have no explanation as to why and I cannot justify it, I was a complete and total bitch to someone just because I felt uncomfortable. It hit me so hard at that moment, not just because I acted terribly to her but because I saw a bigger pattern, when I get uncomfortable (usually in certain social situations) or when things don't go my way I shut down. I cannot do this, it is not okay and it is a terrible and useless defense mechanism, I know this and I need to change it. If I ever see her again she'll probably think "There's that rude girl who couldn't even talk to me, who ignored me like I was trash" (and I wouldn't blame her at all). I feel so terribly for it (and not because of what she may think of me but because I know I was an ass) so I am sorry, sincerely sorry to anyone I have ever shut out and anyone I have ever hurt on account of my insecurities. So my lesson for today is: if things are tough don't shut down, it accomplishes nothing and to top it all off it has the potential to hurt others.

Schools not out for summer

2007-07-18T13:53:00.000-05:00

So I started my summer class Monday (Dynamics of Personality) and at first I was totally bummed. The class is two hours long everyday for the rest of summer, but then I had a revelation the class consists of only two papers and a few tests and I now only have to work two hours a day plus the subject matter and instructor are pretty interesting. So I've decided that I'm glad I sucked it up and took a summer class because it motivates me to get stuff done and I have to work less, I'm such a lazy ass.

Oh yeah and today's topic of discussion in class: defense mechanisms. It was very interesting because I am guilty of almost all of them, hahaha maybe I should work on that.

Now with 10 times the water pressure

2007-07-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

Not to be all bitchy or complain-y or whatnot but is it really entirely necessary to freakin use a jack-hammer at 8:00 a.m.??? Huh Mr. Water guy from the water company doing water related repairs??? Cripe! I am sooooo not a morning person and nothing usually wakes me up (including the smoke detector) but 45 minutes of jack-hammering on the asphalt right outside my house seemed to do the trick. I was not happy, I was the exact opposite of happy, I was pissed. Then Mr. Water guy, as if that wasn't bad enough please tell me why, whyyyyyyyy it was necessary to talk to someone who was standing 5 feet away from you ON A BULLHORN...about things that had nothing to do with water lines or the repairs thereof, but rather about your doctor's appointment later that day and "Ed could you please go with me because I need a ride home" etc. etc. You know if I hadn't gone to turn on the water this morning and had 10 times the normal water pressure I might have had to come out there and back you over with my car.